The One Who Is Your Beloved

Why must we become dear to those dear to us? I think it's best to stay away from the people we love. Why is it better to stay away from beloved ones? Is there any guarantee that the person I like, the person dear to me, the one I love—that they will also like what I do? No, there isn't. If for some reason they don't like my actions and become irritated with me, and if they say something harsh to me, then I'll be in a terrible mood and my heart will ache. And when that pain comes, what happens? I'll try to distance myself from them. This very act—this attempt to pull away when pain comes—will torment me deeply.

Again and again I'll wonder: Why did they do this to me! I love them, I care for them so much, they're so dear to me—why did they treat me this way? Why did they speak to me like that? All this will cause me even greater pain! Notice—this is double torment. One torment is that they're not receiving my words, not receiving me as I am. The second torment is that they're saying terrible things about me. This is exactly why I stay a hundred arms' lengths away from those I care for. I never go near them in life. Because what if the person I love, the person I prefer—what if they don't like what I do! Their work appeals to me, fine; but my work might not appeal to them, right? So it's better to stay away from them.

Trying to become dear to someone dear to you is a kind of foolishness. Every person thinks in their own way. Every person has their own personal ideology, personal beliefs, personal experiences—whatever you want to call them—and these might not align with mine. So I like them, I hold onto that fondness, and I stay far away from them. If they don't like the way I am, they'll say something, they'll behave in a way that I won't like.

Just a few days ago, around half past midnight, I got a call from an unknown number. Someone called and said, "You've had such an influence on my life...blah blah blah. I've gotten into Dhaka University now, I've been following you for so long." Hearing all this, I was terribly annoyed. At half past twelve, with someone I neither know nor recognize—I have no desire to talk on the phone with such a random person! I said, "Who are you? Why are you bothering me?" He said, "I love you very much." "Keep your love in your pocket, brother! Cut the nonsense—tell me why you called." I spoke exactly in this tone, because I was extremely tired and irritated at the time.

That day I had to work at the office until almost nine-thirty at night. I had another meeting the next day. And I was in pain myself, had put my officers through a lot of pain too. Then when I was trying to sleep, if someone gives me this torture again—saying "I love you so much, I've read so much of your writing, I watch Career Adda, I've gotten into Dhaka University now..."—how does that feel! I told him, "Cut the nonsense. What am I supposed to do now? So you got into Dhaka University—what's that to me? Tell me why you called?" His answer: to express gratitude! I said, "You called at half past twelve to express gratitude! Don't you have a clock at home?! If you ever call again, I'll hand you over to the police!" I was so annoyed with him that if he'd been in front of me, I might have grabbed him by the collar and beaten him senseless! Just because some stranger likes me doesn't give them the right to bother me. I call such senseless people goats.

Look, I might think it's perfectly fine to call a stranger at half past twelve! But they might not think so! I might lack sense, but they might not be senseless! So the way I am, the way I think—my dear person might not like that at all. That's why the best thing is to stay away from those we care for, so that our feelings for them don't get ruined. We live with a beautiful feeling. The best way to live well is to live with a beautiful feeling. If you destroy that beautiful feeling with your own hands, that won't do. So there's no reason to suffer over why my dear person doesn't hold me dear.

Let your dear person be as they are, because a person looks one way from afar, but quite different up close. Now it's up to you—do you feel good going close to them, or do you feel good seeing them from a distance? Let me put it more simply, talking about my family—my household. This Sushanta Paul that so many people follow, who talks so much—my family doesn't see any of that! My family doesn't watch any of my Career Adda, doesn't read any of my writing! What they know is that Sushanta Paul can't even pour and drink a glass of water. He can't pour and drink a glass of water, can't make and drink a cup of tea—he's useless, everything has to be done for him, etc. etc. They know that Sushanta doesn't even make phone calls, doesn't keep track of family matters, he's callous about many family issues, etc. etc.

But they've seen me up close. They know these sides of me and knowing them, they still accept me. Those who accept you with your limitations—they are your close ones. Those who accept you for your good qualities—they are your distant ones. My family knows my limitations, knows my negative sides, and knowing all this, they've accepted me. They are my close ones. What do they need with this Sushanta Paul who writes, who talks so much? They have no need to keep these things in mind.

I need my own people, brother—someone to cook me a good meal, make me some tea, give me coffee when I need it. You who listen to my Career Adda—have any of you ever made me a cup of tea in your life? You haven't! Have you ever checked on me? When I have fever, when I'm shaking with 102/103 degree fever—have any of you ever bought and sent me a paracetamol? You haven't. I may be many things in your life, but you have no real role in my life! Yes, your place is out there, outside my room. Why do you come into my personal life? If you do, you'll get scolded. If you bother me, should I worship you? Kiss you, huh? Your place isn't here—your place is outside my door. Stay there. If you want to come into my room, then you're a complete fool—at least that's what I'll say.

Yes, stay away from your dear ones. For whatever reason you hold them dear, stay there for that reason alone—never go beyond it. They are your dear person, they bring you joy—stay in that space. If you consider me dear, if you think I'm someone you like, then stay there for that reason alone—whatever makes me likeable to you. You watch my Career Adda, you read my writing. Very good! Why do you do these things? For your own need! Nothing else! It doesn't matter to me at all whether you read my writing or not. It doesn't matter to me at all whether you watch my Career Adda or not. It absolutely doesn't matter. This isn't my job, this isn't anything to me. That you watch my Career Adda, that you read my writing—you absolutely do this for your own reasons. I have nothing to do with it. Nothing will happen to me if you don't read. What if you don't watch Career Adda, brother! You watch my Career Adda, you read my writing—you do all this for your own life. You read or watch because you like it. I'm speaking completely openly; even if you take offense, there's nothing I can do about it.

Now is it right to cause me pain with these things? If you think, "I've turned my life around by watching his Career Adda, I've done something huge, I've done him a huge favor by reading his writing"—and because of this you think you can call me, you can do whatever you want to me, you can come to my wall and comment whatever you like—then I say, step away from these thoughts. You are nobody to me. Whatever you do, you do for your own needs, you do these things because you need them, you do these things because you like them, you do these things because they give peace to your mind.

To return to what I was saying... the person you hold dear may not hold you equally dear. If you wish to keep them in that cherished place, if you seek peace of mind, then never burden them with such pain, nor should you research why you haven't become their beloved, nor strive desperately to win their affection—there's no need to walk down that path. By not taking that road, you will find peace, and so will they. Far more important than loving someone is not troubling them.