One of the sweet torments I have to endure with a smile because I can’t say ‘no’ to people is naming. “Brother, would you kindly suggest a name for my so-and-so?” I get this kind of request quite often. Many children are growing up with names I’ve given them—this I can say with genuine pleasure. Among the few good deeds my dida (grandmother) used to do, this good deed I either do or have to do. (My name ‘Sushanta’ was given by my dida. My younger brother’s name ‘Prashanta’ was given by my eldest uncle. Neither of them is in this world today. We still exist with the names they gave us. My nickname is Bappi, my younger brother’s is Pappu. These two names were given by our parents.) Sometimes my mood isn’t right. I don’t feel like telling this to anyone either. I keep my own feelings to myself. After hearing a Manna Dey song after many days, my heart had been quite heavy since this morning. At this time, a text arrives.
: Sushanta, you know, I have a brother!
: Wow! That’s great. Even at this age? Uncle and Auntie have courage. Good! Very good! Give them my congratulations.
: Shut up, you fool! My cousin has been born. Understand? He doesn’t look like you though. But he keeps changing every now and then. I can’t figure it out. For now he looks like you. Here, look, I’m sending you a photo.
She sent the photo. I looked at it. I never find any resemblance between myself and any child in this world. As usual, I didn’t find any today either. Children are beautiful like flowers. And I’m ugly like a thorn. Still, to make my friend happy, I said, you’re absolutely right. He looks exactly like me. Wow! I don’t even know his mother. How is this possible? May Allah keep him safe.
: Hey fool! Where did you learn to pray like an old man? And you’re not even half as surprised as you’re pretending to be. Scoundrel, I know you. My brother is actually very cute. Oh Allah! So cute, so cute! I didn’t sleep all night yesterday. I’ve been sitting beside him since evening.
: That’s natural. Of course he’d be cute. I myself am very cute. You’re the one who said he looks like me.
: Ugh! Really, huh? Do me a favor, friend. Will you decide on a name for him?
: No, I won’t. I can’t decide names. I beg your pardon, and I ask for your prayers too.
: Please give one! Why are you doing this? You’ll see, one day he’ll grow up to be someone great. He’ll grow up with the name you choose.
: He’ll definitely grow up. Do you think he’ll stay naked and small like this his whole life?
: Why are you tormenting me, brother? Grow up big means become a great person. Now do you get it? Will you decide on a name?
: Alright, name him Big Mister. Big from birth. No chance of ever being small in life.
: Will you be a little serious, please? Do me this favor, brother. I’ll pray for you.
: What good will washing with your prayers do me?
: Okay fine, I’ll treat you. I swear! Now tell me.
: Now you’re making sense, getting in line. But what’s the problem with that name? Why? Don’t you like it? Alright, name him Khoathlyangthuipui. An absolutely wonderful name. Doesn’t this name have a kind of gravitas? I thought deeply from my heart before giving this name. Go on! Don’t bother me anymore. When and where are you giving me that treat?
: You won’t have to give names anymore. Give names to people of the world. Where did you find this thuipui business for my precious little brother?
: Look, the name isn’t bad actually. Very uncommon. Plus it’s a river name. You’ll see, your brother’s heart will become big like a river. It will flow, it will touch, but it won’t get stuck anywhere. He’ll make all the girls in the world his girlfriends. Tremendous talent! Besides, this name has weight too. Think about it a little. The idea isn’t bad!
: Why are you doing this? I just asked for one name. I didn’t ask for anything else. Give me one, brother! Alright, I’ll make your job easier, I’m giving you a hint. He has 2 other siblings. Ziyad and Jaimun. Now give me one. Give me a name that matches. If you can’t tell me now, take time, tell me tonight. No problem. Uncle has given me the responsibility of naming him. Well, would the name Zihan be too common?
: Yeah, very common. Better name him Ziya-jole-jan-jole. It’s a bit long, of course, but no one else in the entire world has this name. I’m hundred percent certain.
: Ugh!! You bastard! You’re bothering me too much. Give me a name, brother! I fall at your feet. Go on! I’ll name your child.
: How do you know whether I’ll have a son or daughter?
: Alright, whatever you have, I’ll name them. I’ll give a very cute name. Will you give me one now, brother?
: Alright, now I’m serious. You’ll give me a treat, right? I have 2 more treats pending from you.
: I’ll give, I’ll give. I’ll give everything. Wherever you want, I’ll give it there. Promise. I got a profit bonus last month.
: Okay. Name him ‘Janemon’. Keep his nickname ‘Jan’. All the beautiful women in the world will be compelled to call him Janemon. He’ll be everyone’s jan, I mean, piece of their heart. Isn’t the idea good?
: It’s very good. I feel like dancing right now. It’s your good fortune that you’re not in front of me at this moment. Have you ever seen a worse person than yourself?
: Listen, beautiful, I’m a beautifully bad person. When beautiful people are bad, nothing happens. Beautiful people are supposed to be bad. And I’m very beautiful, so I’m very bad. Don’t you see, when people see someone beautiful, they say they look like me?
: Oh Allah! Fine, you’re beautiful! You’re more beautiful than Madhuri. Happy? Now give me a name, man. A tiny, precious little person! Will the poor thing remain without a name?
: Is he really very beautiful?
: He really is! You come to the clinic. Come and see. Should I give you the address?
: No sister, no need. I’m giving you the name. But you can’t tell anyone that you gave the name. I don’t work without acknowledgment. You’ll have to mention my name with his name, meaning, you’ll have to say that I gave the name. Agreed?
: Okay friend, agreed. Right! I’ll give you the treat too. I’ll give you all the previous ones along with it.
: Alright, fine. Name him Mushkilasanali. Will that work?
: Perfect! Will it work?! It’ll run. It’s completely a name suited to your taste.
: The treat?
: I’ll definitely give it!
: What will you feed me?
: You’ll see when you come to eat.
: Look, I’ve worked very hard for you, used my brain a lot. Don’t trick me again this time. When will you give it, tell me?
: Definitely before my head cools down! Are you free this evening? Come to GEC crossing. A huge treat is waiting for you.
: I see. I’m not free at that time, darling. I don’t need your treat. I gave you the name for free.
: You’re a complete foul! If you find another piece like you in this world, let me know. You don’t need to call, just give a missed call. I’ll call back. Bastard……….
Ah! With a friend like this, which son of Ramgarh’s bull would stay in a bad mood?! (By the way, that little boy is growing up with the name I gave—Aranyak Islam Aranya.)
Well, do you know who gave you your name? Write it in the comments, let us know too.
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