The Mark of Past-Life Debts

 
Something so amusing happened!
How much I begged you, how much I pleaded…
Send me a voice message…


You sent one. After much persistence, one day I could hear your voice, bit by bit.
Those songs you sing and post on your wall,
you know, with all that instrumental noise and chaos,
your voice doesn't come through clearly.
Finally you sent one. It was such a happy day.
How many times I've listened to that angry voice of yours—countless times.


That day you got all worked up somehow... and
fired off two voice messages, one after another!
My goodness! What a scolding in such a calm voice!... You had misunderstood me.
What's truly in my heart—how do I make you understand that,
how do I calm you down—thinking these thoughts
my head was completely scrambled!
I listened to that voice message with such fear at first!


But whatever was in your heart, you spoke it.
That's good! Truly, that was a very good thing.
Listen, will you sometimes send me voice messages?
I mean, even if you curse at me, that's fine. But if you can,
just stick to scolding without going as far as cursing, how's that? Even if you can't,
still send them! Say whatever comes to your mind.
Don't make up a single word, don't say anything that goes beyond your heart.


Sometimes send this foolish girl to me!
Exactly the way you speak, exactly how your breathing sounds,
that's what I want! Let your natural voice come and strike my soul.
...You'll send them, won't you?


You know, sometimes I wonder,
why do I love you so much? What would happen if I didn't?
...Well, let me try it once!


For quite some time I acted the role of an indifferent woman.
Suddenly! Looking back, I see you with a tender expression saying, "What's wrong? Have you forgotten me?"
Then I, with some affected look, go to the room to see if it's empty.
Otherwise to the balcony, or to another room.
Meanwhile you, spreading that innocent, gentle smile all over your face, keep walking behind me...


Anyway, after entering a room and turning the fan up high,
once I sat down, you smiled sweetly and said, "What happened? Have you forgotten? Really forgotten?"
Hearing this, what a state I was in! I was practically swelling with feeling!
The more contemptuous looks I threw your way, I saw
your smile becoming that much more confident! What torture, tell me!


No choice—what else could I do! Right then I had to listen to music!
I plugged headphones into my ears. No sooner did the song begin
than my chest started aching, tears began to come...
Grabbing your collar and pulling you in front of me, I said,
"You pig! How much more will you torment me?"
You, with that laughing face and round eyes, gripped my hand tightly and said,
"There you go with 'you' again! Very good! That's exactly what I love about this!"


Immediately I frowned and turned my face away.
What a persistent one you are! Coming close to my face, you softly said again,
"What's wrong? Just tell me... do you love me very much?"
I said with a hiss... "Fool! Hmph!"
You said in the same manner,
"That's fine. Now tell me, I'm listening. You haven't forgotten me, have you?"


Suddenly my chest twisted and tears came!
Holding you tight, I began scolding in whispers,
"You know I can't forget! I love you! I love you terribly!
It's because you know this that you show off so much, isn't it? What a complete act!"


How long we stayed like that, I don't know. At some point, holding you,
caressing you, I see my soft pillow lying sweetly against my chest.
I realized I had woken up.
Returning to reality, I think—perhaps this disease will chase me for life!
You're doing just fine in your world! And you'll stay right there!
Will you ever know about all this madness?


I'll run away, far away...
Even there, will I still be unable to forget you?


Listen, is everything really the fruit of past-life karma?
If that's true, then tell me, what did I do in my previous life?
Did I hurt you?
Did you love me just like this,
and I made fun of your love?
Did you love me like crazy, and I showed terrible arrogance and ignored you?
Or did I neglect your requests?
...What did I do? Tell me! Tell me once... tell me, please!
If I did nothing wrong in that life, then why is this pain only mine?
If this is love's punishment, then why mine alone?