The Laws of the Pendulum / Three দোলায়মান পেন্ডুলামের মতো আমাদের অস্তিত্ব দুটি চরম সীমানার মধ্যে দুলতে থাকে। একদিকে আছে অহংকার, অন্যদিকে হতাশা। মাঝখানে যেটুকু স্থান, সেটুকুই আমাদের প্রকৃত জীবন। কিন্তু আমরা বেশিরভাগ সময়ই সেই মধ্যবিন্দুতে থাকি না। আমরা দুলতে থাকি, দুলতেই থাকি। Like a swinging pendulum, our existence oscillates between two extreme boundaries. On one side lies ego, on the other, despair. The small space in between—that alone is our real life. But we rarely remain at that center point. We swing, and keep on swinging. অহংকারের মুহূর্তে আমরা ভাবি আমরা সর্বশক্তিমান। আমাদের কোনো ভুল নেই, আমাদের কোনো সীমাবদ্ধতা নেই। আমরা নিজেদেরকে পৃথিবীর কেন্দ্রে বসিয়ে দিই। বাকি সবকিছু আমাদের চারপাশে ঘুরতে থাকে। এই অহংকারের নেশায় আমরা ভুলে যাই যে আমরা আসলে কত ছোট, কত অসহায়। In moments of ego, we think ourselves omnipotent. We have no flaws, no limitations. We place ourselves at the center of the world. Everything else revolves around us. Intoxicated by this pride, we forget how small we actually are, how helpless. তারপর আসে পতন। হতাশার সেই গভীর খাদে আমরা নিজেদের একেবারে অকিঞ্চিৎকর মনে করি। আমাদের কোনো গুণ নেই, কোনো ক্ষমতা নেই। আমরা পৃথিবীর সবচেয়ে অযোগ্য মানুষ। এই হতাশার অন্ধকারে আমরা ভুলে যাই যে আমাদের মধ্যেও আছে অসীম সম্ভাবনা, অপার শক্তি। Then comes the fall. In that deep abyss of despair, we consider ourselves utterly worthless. We have no qualities, no abilities. We are the most incompetent person in the world. In this darkness of despair, we forget that within us too lies infinite possibility, boundless strength. দুটো অবস্থাই মিথ্যা। আমরা না সর্বশক্তিমান, না একেবারে অক্ষম। আমরা মানুষ - সীমিত, কিন্তু সম্ভাবনাময়। দুর্বল, কিন্তু স্বপ্নদ্রষ্টা। ভুল করি, কিন্তু শিখতেও পারি। Both states are false. We are neither omnipotent nor utterly incapable. We are human—limited, yet full of possibility. Weak, yet dreamers. We make mistakes, but we can also learn. প্রকৃত জ্ঞানীরা এই মধ্যবিন্দুতেই থাকার চেষ্টা করেন। তাঁরা নিজেদের সীমাবদ্ধতা জানেন, কিন্তু সম্ভাবনাকেও অস্বীকার করেন না। তাঁরা নম্র, কিন্তু আত্মবিশ্বাসী। তাঁরা জানেন যে জীবন একটি ভারসাম্যের খেলা। The truly wise try to remain at this center point. They know their limitations but do not deny their possibilities. They are humble yet confident. They know that life is a game of balance. পেন্ডুলামের গতি ধীরে ধীরে কমে আসে যদি কোনো বাইরের শক্তি তাকে আবার ধাক্কা না দেয়। তেমনি আমাদের মানসিক দোলাচলও শান্ত হয়ে আসে যদি আমরা বাইরের প্রভাবে নিজেদের উত্তেজিত না করি। অন্যের প্রশংসা আমাদের অহংকারী করে তুলবে না, অন্যের নিন্দা আমাদের হতাশ করবে না। The pendulum's motion gradually slows down if no external force pushes it again. Similarly, our mental oscillations calm down if we don't excite ourselves with outside influences. Others' praise won't make us arrogant, others' criticism won't make us despair. এই স্থিরতাই মুক্তি। এই ভারসাম্যই শান্তি। পেন্ডুলামের মতো দোল খাওয়া বন্ধ করে যখন আমরা নিজেদের সত্যিকারের জায়গায় এসে পৌঁছাই, তখনই শুরু হয় আমাদের প্রকৃত জীবন। This stillness is liberation. This balance is peace. When we stop swinging like a pendulum and reach our true place, only then does our real life begin.

(Following the previous part...)

A storm rages outside. Lightning flashes. Tremendous sounds fill the air. Everything falls silent, and only nature's harshness reveals itself. This storm too will cease in time. Everything will return to normal. The sun will rise again. All will be calm. This is the law. Storms come to life as well, and will come. They will end again. This is the law. Rather, the absence of storms would be the anomaly. If storms never came, how would we understand how peacefully we live when there are no storms? Each storm is different, each one unique. We become afraid, but in the next moment we learn to adapt. We pray to God to stop the storm. May God be our helper. Whether you call it mercy, or forgiveness, or whatever else you may call it, God does exactly that. Through this, by confronting life's storms, we become aware of our own strength. The storm subsides, but our experience, the knowledge gained from the storm, does not end or disappear. Rather, it makes us stronger, more experienced. It gives us hope to find our path to peace. It soothes our wounded minds. These are natural laws. The continuation of these things is what we call life. Their cessation would be irregular and unnatural. So just as we call upon the Creator in fear when storms rage, and the Creator hears our call and stops the storm, similarly when storms come in life, if we call upon the Creator in that same way, more and more, He hears us. He gives us the strength to face that suffering, that storm. We simply must not be afraid and must call upon the Creator, we must remain patient. We must continue doing this until the storm stops. Only then will the storms of our lives eventually cease, and slowly the sun will rise. Everything will be beautiful again...just like a sun-bright day.
Excessive storms or excessive rain—neither is pleasant when it comes in too great a measure, but occasionally even these are necessary. Otherwise, human beings would perish in their arrogance and boasting. Even to survive, suffering is needed. A life without suffering does not give life's true flavor; rather, everything becomes monotonous. This is why when storms come, I will place my trust solely in my Creator. Since He is the creator of storms, He alone will stop the storm. I will only call upon Him and remain patient. I must not break down. If I break down and harm myself in some way, then God will indeed stop all the storms, but that damage will remain, because the damage occurred through my own fault. Even if only for my own good, I will not harm myself. A person's behavior and actions during times of danger write their record after the danger has passed. This is why it is said to remain quietly patient during times of danger.
I can see clearly that God will one day make me victorious over them, and they will have to bear the consequences for each of their actions. When I am in suffering, they find it amusing. Far from helping, they don't even come to stand beside me and speak a couple of kind words to me. They laugh inwardly and remain joyful seeing me in distress. They find relief in seeing me suffer. When I see them, I say to myself, one day everything will be reversed. You too will need me, and you will need me desperately. On that day you will even grasp my feet for help, because you have inflicted suffering upon my heart in ways more vile than your imagination and at the most despicable level. I will forgive all these behaviors of yours, but even if I want to erase them, perhaps I won't be able to erase them completely.
I feel God will compel me to remember all this because I need to. You're having good times now, so you're utterly absorbed in yourselves, with no time to look toward anyone else. You forget blood ties. You forget humanity and human decency. You busy yourselves with fair-weather friends. You forget friends from difficult times. You forget the kindness of those who helped you. You conveniently forget your own heinous deeds. You forget that God still exists. You think you'll remain like this forever. Perhaps circumstances will stay this way. You also think God isn't watching all this. Know this: God exists, God is watching, God is everywhere. He sees all, hears all, knows all. And the God in my heart has told me to be patient, and I will remain patient. I will never bow my head before you, not even in death. You'll see—by God's grace, I will be well. These days will all turn around, everything will change. God has said He is surely with those who are patient. For one who relies upon God, God alone is sufficient. God will give happiness after hardship. Surely with difficulty comes ease. Indeed, with hardship comes relief.

Someday I'll remember these present days of mine. Those paths were full of thorns at every step, which I crossed alone. I alone! Only my God knows how I navigated that phase, carrying myself in solitude. God Himself will reward me for this. Such a day will come when God will provide help to you through my very hands. On that day I'll simply smile to myself! And think, what terrible days those were! I had no one by my side except God. God was everywhere. There was never anyone to hold my hand and offer comfort for even two minutes. How I spent each day and night alone—only I know this. Whenever I felt sad, I couldn't find anyone to talk to. You were all so bewildered in your own happiness that you had no time to even glance back at me. So you thought you'd remain like this forever. I knew God would turn these days around. What will be, will be. I only remember that during these days of mine, no human being was by my side—not even that beloved piece of my heart. Darling, one day you too will understand how much it hurts to remain silent and endure everything! When you're forced to stay in meaningless silence day after day, then you'll understand how much it hurts to be unable to say anything despite knowing everything!

When you must answer to yourself for all your actions, no one else in the world seems particularly frightening. I fear myself most in this world. If anyone thinks they can take me for granted, they're mistaken. I'll never let myself become that. I know myself quite well, and most importantly, I respect myself. And really, there's no point looking toward them. A little learning is dangerous! They keep jumping around without understanding, so much so, as if they came into this world just to live such foolish lives! Those who form imaginary notions about something without comprehensive understanding and make hasty decisions, or judge everything accordingly—their downfall is inevitable!

Alas, wrong connections! Having to spend life with someone we don't get along with—nothing could be more terrifyingly painful than this.
One person deeply loves or desires another. But the other person doesn't want them in quite the same way. When a forced marital relationship forms in such circumstances, a wrong connection often takes shape. That person doesn't want me, yet I desire them madly! If somehow I compel them—you must love me—if I force such a relationship into being, then it becomes a wrong connection, and such relationships, I believe, eventually break apart at some stage of life. They will break, they must! Why should I force anyone to love me? If I do so, both parties will certainly remain in terrible suffering. Relationships that don't fit from the beginning—most of the time, they actually never fit. There's nothing to be gained by forcing love, and it arises from within two people themselves. When one person completely desires another as a life companion, that too is a kind of love, and in that love lies respect. Respect can never be born from a wrong relationship. There remains only adjustment, and true happiness can never be found in mere adjustment. I feel disgust toward those who seek to forcibly obtain love from others. They should be ashamed! Surely people possess at least this much self-respect and conscience? If someone loves me, they will love me being enchanted by my actions, thoughts, and behavior. Love is not something to be extorted by force. What can be extorted by force is the performance of love, not love itself. In such cases, they actually prefer to display their power or ego, but ultimately none of this serves any purpose. We should emerge from such romantic relationships and live realistically.
I have never seen happiness in the love marriages I've witnessed. In arranged marriages, even when love isn't particularly strong at first, at a certain stage the love, respect, and sense of duty between two people deepens profoundly. But when people marry after falling in love, it seems their relationship contains nothing but mutual blame, and it appears that happiness never comes until death. These days, such love seems merely affected to me. In it one finds neither happiness nor love nor true romance nor respect. There's no responsibility, no accountability, no indispensability between the two. It's painful to see—such relationships were once so sweet, yet over time perhaps all their desires and expectations from each other have been exhausted, and even minimal love no longer functions between them. Witnessing such things sometimes breeds extreme revulsion toward love itself. I don't know what will happen to me, but it's better not to worry too much about these matters. What the Creator has written in my destiny is predetermined, and that's what will be. When we fall blindly in love with someone, then everything in the world except them seems meaningless. This is actually true! When we obtain them, when our desires for them remain unfulfilled and complaints gradually mount, then after some time we hate that beloved person with the same heart that we loved them—hate them more than anyone else in the world! What kind of love is this that eventually transforms into hatred?
It's very difficult to understand what the human heart desires. What people want, once they obtain it, they no longer want.
And then, when a person doesn't get what they want, they spend their entire life weeping for it. Yet one would find that if they had actually received what they were crying for, they might well have pushed it away in neglect. How strange it is, how many times a person changes across the span of time! I read somewhere that when humans die, they decay, and when they live, they change — they change with reason and without reason... This happens most of all in matters of love — that is, people change. The one I loved, after getting them, I discovered that the person I had loved was not this person at all — this was a different person entirely! The whole transformation happens for no reason at all! There remains no solid cause whatsoever. Once someone gets close to the person they love, the subtle emotions of love change faster than perhaps any other kind of change. I'm not entirely certain whether in such cases it's sexual desire that works most powerfully! It could very well be! Whatever the case, from now on I want to look upon pre-marital love with eyes of disgust. After marriage, then let there be love poured out completely! What do you say! But don't think that this means nothing will change. Change will certainly happen! A good deal of change will happen! My sense is that when people get everything before marriage, they then lose attraction to all those things, and as a result, their attraction to the person who possesses all those things also diminishes.
Like some others, I too spend entire days and nights rigid with fear, thinking about earthquakes. The fear is greatest at night. I feel as though if I close my eyes, I'll die! I don't understand why — if God has written death in that way, then that's what will happen. No one has the power to prevent it. I'm also terribly afraid about life after this death, so I pray more and more, calling out to God all day long. Yet I don't understand — God exists, He will watch over everything for me, God is above all, He will take all my responsibilities, He is my Creator — why should I not bow my head before Him? I will bow my head only before my Creator. I want God to give me strength, to grant me the wisdom to understand all these things. Then again, I feel that much of what I'm thinking contains many errors. Still, I know that every word has some meaning or other, though some words have no reason at all! The same is true for thoughts. Now, how can someone who never came into my life then leave? Sometimes I feel as though they were never in my life at all! If there's another birth after this birth, I want to be born a girl in that birth, because being born a girl allows one to live the most painful kind of living, and surely after suffering comes relief! Ha ha ha!
Boy: What's the rush? Let's play another 2-4 days, if it feels good I'll let you go! Stay until then!
Girl: Let both my shores be swept away, let everything be finished — I'll still remain your plaything! I too want to see how this wretched fate ends!
(Who says girls aren't foolish? Girls think they're being stubborn, but what they do in the name of stubbornness is called stupidity!)
Yes, I will become an example! I will be their very first example to give them all hope to live anew. Let them learn by watching me that one can live well even after all this. The end of all beautiful things is beautiful! Relief comes just after suffering — surely it must be there!
If God keeps me alive, then I want to be their very first inspiration. May they see me first when they open their eyes in darkness. May the sight of me kindle in them the inspiration to begin life anew. Yes, may they bow their heads to no one but God alone. May they never have to turn to anyone for help. Just seeing me should be enough for them to live well. God, You did not send me into this world weak and helpless! You know what I can and cannot do. Surely You also know that I draw all my strength from You! Give me strength, teach me to hold myself together. Stay beside me, let me not lose my way!
One day my chance will come too. I believe that if God keeps me alive, then one day I too will get my opportunity. Those who are playing meaningless games with me, destroying my emotions bit by bit each day, not letting me be myself, using me carelessly—my chance to answer them will come one day too... that day all circumstances will be in my favor. This is how it happens, this is how it will be! God does not give equal days to everyone. Surely not!
One must suffer. One must endure it. One must learn to transform suffering into strength. People say that when your back is against the wall, that's when you turn and fight. My back was pressed hard against that wall then. The pain, anguish, grief, despair, and melancholy of that time can never be forgotten. It was because I lived that I received so many bonuses! So when someone asks me what brings the greatest joy in life—success? becoming wealthy? achieving greatness?—I say that somehow staying alive is life's greatest joy. Even if no one else knows it, I know that sometimes merely surviving is terribly difficult. Giving death the finger is itself a great achievement. If we stay alive, songs will be written about these dark days of ours. I had decided to wait for that day. I knew writing that song would be very difficult, yet I lived. One must stay alive—this is absolutely crucial! And during that time of survival, one must keep doing one's work without making excuses. Because whatever people may say, at the end of the day they only remember our mistakes, nothing else. People don't notice their own mistakes; they stay obsessed with others' faults. Humans are just that judgmental and bastardly—there's nothing to be done about it.
As easily as I trust people, when necessary I can just as easily throw them into the gutter, exactly where they belong in my estimation. Today I opened old diary pages and saw that what I had written then, all the good things I had written about people I thought were close—almost all of it was wrong! Until you face real trouble, considering anyone close or trustworthy is sheer foolishness. A close person is one with whom I have a connection of the heart—whether there's a blood relation or not doesn't matter at all!
If I have any shame left, and if I am indeed a woman, then I will never again entangle myself in any romantic relationship. Shame is everything to a woman, and if I give that away and become shameless, then I am no woman at all! I will establish myself first, or I will die.
One who cannot establish themselves for their own honor has no right to remain alive. It is far better to die than to live diminished before everyone! But if I die, everyone will think I was weak, that I could do nothing, that I knew not how to honor myself. If I am to spend my entire life dependent on others' money, then what is there to take such pride in about myself? Have I forgotten everything? Have I forgotten all the vile things Piyas used to say to me! Have I forgotten how the very person I loved with the fullness of my life, for whose dreams I shaped myself bit by bit, molding myself to match their heart's desire—how that very person walked away from me with the flimsiest of excuses... precisely when I needed them most in all the world? Even on that final day, what words they made me hear! Did it never occur to them—if they left me, how would I move forward? I have no shame, which is why even after all this I torment myself thinking of such a petty-minded person, wishing them well! If I have any shame, then I will prepare myself to live worthily, and if I do not, then I am a shameless, brazen girl!
This girl! Don't preach so much! Sister, cut down on the chatter! If you can do something, then show it! One who can do nothing—why all this endless talk!
So much can be written! Many people know how to write. Even those who have no need to write, they write too. Some of them even publish books. They pester their acquaintances to read the book, to tell others to read it. The whole thing seems utterly pointless! They have no sense, yet they write books! Whatever the case, those whose writing speaks of their emotions write one way, while those whose writing stands miles apart from emotion also write. But when you read, you can tell—which speaks from the writer's heart, which does not. The tone of imposed feeling grates terribly on the ear, most unpleasantly. It is completely wrong to do such things. Readers' time is wasted, irritation is produced.
These days I complain a great deal about everyone. My complaint is this: many people lack the ability to set their own lives in order. They pointlessly blame everyone else, saying things like—why didn't they do this for me, why didn't they value me, why didn't anyone help a little in this matter, and so forth. Whatever has happened in this world has happened through the doer's own ability. If I too want to become something, then I must do it myself—I mean, by myself. There's no use blaming others. No one lives in my dreams. Everyone has their separate dreams, everyone is preparing their dream's path through their own ability. And if I still cannot manage to do anything, that is entirely my fault. The one I consider worthy of me, whom I like—if they don't even glance my way, this is a kind of inadequacy on my part. Surely they found nothing in me worth liking. That they didn't like me doesn't mean no one else will like me. Each person's preferences are different.
Whatever the case, I will not judge anyone by the measure of ability, because I lack the qualification for such judgment. Besides, the question of judging anyone else doesn't even arise for me—I myself have little sense. I accept this; accepting this is for the best.
The donkey that cannot accept itself as a donkey remains a donkey forever. If I must make something of myself—if I need an identity that will present me with honor before others—then I alone must create it. I must find a way to emerge from my present circumstances. Creating a worthy identity to take pride in is not so easy. I have so many dreams! I must have a plan for what I want to do. Who doesn't know that behind every great achievement lies a plan! I must walk forward following that plan. If I cannot do this, may I never blame my fate later!
I feel such pity for myself! How everyone else somehow manages to carve out their place, create their own identity, distinguish themselves before the world, while I—knowing, understanding, seeing all this—can only wonder what to do! Even for something as modest as a BCS cadre position, I apparently need to depend on others! Run to coaching centers, run to so-and-so's house! Nothing but pointless waste of time! Before sitting down to study each day, before starting anything new, I conjure up this problem and that problem, this happened and that happened—all these absurd thoughts and justifications. Though I may hide from everyone else that I am a complete shirker, I cannot hide it from myself. Anila, you can do nothing—all you can do is talk big! You're a donkey, you're a fool! If you're capable, then stop talking and show it through action! Just stay quiet, stop all this pretense!
Yes sir! Listen, I don't indulge in crushes much! I don't have time for all that crushing! And I don't look around much either, so please keep those long rambling messages to a minimum! I'd been away from books and studies for quite some time. Now I don't like being separated from my diary, my books, pen, writing. I was in a kind of daze for a long time! My mind wasn't very well. My illness, various anxieties. A major shock...the person I'd tried so hard to win as a life partner through love and affection, when they suddenly got married without telling me anything, I couldn't seem to adjust to it. Meanwhile mother is ill, and despite giving her medicine and taking her to doctors, nothing seems to work. Her recovery is a very time-consuming matter. On top of this, my first-year exams are approaching, yet I haven't studied anything. And I can't save money to buy a computer. Exhausted from all sides, I thought I should go somewhere else for a while. I needed to change my mental state. All this time away from diary—notebooks—pen! These things draw me close now. If I can't write a few lines, I don't feel well. Actually, worries will always be there—that's part of life. So many thoughts come to mind at different times, not all of them get written down, yet if I could write them all, I'd feel so much lighter!
Just seeing a book makes me feel a little better, makes my mind feel lighter. I find the greatest joy when I can write something, anything. Perhaps what I write doesn't even qualify as writing, yet to me it's supremely precious, very valuable. When I write, I feel as though the world's finest writing is flowing from my pen! Ah, what a divine sensation! When the writing is finished and I see it before my eyes, it seems like a piece of heaven!
There's no point in fretting over who thinks what or who doesn't think at all. If only they knew how much it hurts to write! To sit for ten or twelve hours straight, writing with steady mind, temperament, and brain—it's not easy at all! The pressure on mind and body is immense! Yet sometimes, when I'm so overwhelmed by various mental burdens that I forget even to dream, when I can't manage to remain even minimally normal and natural, this one thing alone soothes me with infinite tenderness. Even when I can't find anyone close to me, I feel that this paper and pen have been my companions for ages! As if they're companions to all my suffering, the only refuge for my survival! Truly now, for some reason, I don't suffer much anymore—nothing really causes me pain, I only worry about how to move forward! If only I could find opportunities and doors, or if I could create them myself, I could advance much faster. The more I move forward, the more I realize how scarce true friends are! No one stays by my side, no one understands my heart, no one even places a hand on my head. No one says, "Don't worry so much, I'm here!" Or no one stays beside me without ulterior motives, especially that person from whom I hope that at least they would pull me to their chest and hold me tight! I find no one! Nothing more than that—they don't even draw me close! They don't say, "I'm here as your shadow by your side! I know you need me very much right now!"...no one says such things! Now I understand, this is how it is! No one stays during difficult times!
Actually, almost everything we think about others, everything we do, is wrong. There's no such thing as love in this world. Everything is just self-interest! Everything is just the hope of receiving! Give and take! There's no relationship greater than this. Giving and receiving—that's life! I'll never again chase after love pointlessly. If love ever comes and offers itself willingly, then I'll consider it. I'm preparing myself that way. I am only mine. I live only for myself. I will live only for myself. If love offers itself willingly, it will; otherwise, I'm preparing myself that way...how? I am only mine...keeping this in mind!
I miss you! I miss you terribly. This is taking me far from my goals. This cannot be allowed to happen. You're doing well, you'll do even better. Someday you'll reach your destination, and I won't be able to do anything. I'll watch you rise with my mouth agape, while I keep sinking lower. Then I'll fall into depression again. This truly makes no sense!
One day you'll deeply understand my emptiness. One day you'll be completely shattered by my absence. Every bit of pain you've given me will one day tear at you mercilessly, just wait and see. Every drop of suffering I've endured will crush you with your own breath, will tear you apart from within until you're completely destroyed! Every breath of yours will one day search for me like a madman, just wait and see. Remembering every bit of pain you gave me, which I bore in silence, you'll cry terribly one day. You'll want to hold my feet and weep, but by then you'll be just a toy to me!
One can only play with that toy, nothing more. What I have lost was something forged by my suffering—love. One day you will understand deeply what the value of this thing born of my pain and emotion truly is! What you will have to pay to compensate for its worth—in time, you will be able to feel it. That day you will have nothing left to do! Your family too will understand that day!
In my sleep-woven dreams you belong to me! Sleeping, I see you there—within the distance of a glance's movement! Even awake, I think the same! Tell me, what will you be like? What you will be like...truly, I am terribly eager to see that now! After all this, you who came—in waiting for you I seem to have spent so many fragmented days watching countless dramas! What more can I say of those sorrowful, pitiful chapters! I know if you hear this you will suffer greatly, because I am that very person you have been wanting to find all this time! I won't say anything to you for coming so late! I won't show anger or hurt feelings! I won't do anything to you! I know that because you would come, I was preparing myself! You have come—I cannot lose you, no matter what!
Anila, now is the time for you to remain silent and to remain foolish! Absolutely, absolutely you must not impart wisdom to anyone else on any matter, because you have not yet been able to establish yourself! You have not been able to create any separate and proudly honorable position or identity for yourself! Therefore, instead of giving wisdom to everyone, give wisdom to yourself and spend time building yourself up rather than interfering in others' lives. Remember, you still have nothing. Now is the time for you to keep your head bowed before everyone. Now is the time to endure everything with your mouth shut. Only by going through all this will you be able to create your identity. You know, of course, that thinking yourself something great before doing anything is the work of a fool! If you are a fool, then you can do that! But remember, doing this you will only gain respect among a bunch of fools. Those before whom one hardly needs to struggle for respect and who think themselves something great over trifles—you are becoming one of them! Beware, Anila! First organize yourself! Give yourself a new form each day, little by little. Arrange your capabilities and ask yourself—what do you actually want, how do you want it! Turn yourself into a priceless treasure. Respect is not something to be taken by force; it must be earned.
Do not become a victim of others' attention. Now, to build yourself, you must keep your head bowed. You must remain silent. You must remain foolish. And each day you must build yourself up, little by little. You must move forward, Anila! Whatever anyone says, you must endure it all in silence, and worry less about others' lives—let them live in their own way, let them develop in their own way. You do not yet have the qualification to speak about the concerns of someone else's life. First make yourself qualified, know yourself, search your inner self. Create your position by spending limitless time. Remain silent about yourself, remain completely foolish. Don't go about dispensing so much wisdom. Build yourself through proper effort on the right path. Something wonderful will happen in your life too—just have patience, endure. Grit your teeth and accept suffering. Embrace sorrow.
Remember, no one in this world lives in your dreams. To everyone else, your dream is utterly foreign! There's no point talking to them about it or accepting even a single piece of their advice—in fact, there's a real risk of harm! So the responsibility of fulfilling your dream belongs to you alone, and only you. To realize your own dream, you must do so in silence, otherwise you won't be able to accomplish anything. Listen to me. Your heart is telling you that you must remain quiet, understand deeply, and seek your path. In seeking, you will find the way—just keep searching, keep on searching. Spend so much time building yourself that there's no extra time left for anything else to enter your mind. Listen to your heart's voice and follow it, Anila!
From now on, when you face humiliation, absorb it and create appropriate feedback within yourself. Remember, your success will speak very loudly, so don't bother giving anyone any answers. Your success will buy everyone's silence, and if you do succeed, if you can create your own distinct place, then everyone will come to you seeking your care. Then you won't need to go around telling people your worth. You won't have to seek dignity from anyone—rather, everyone will come and offer you dignity. They'll seek your counsel, so stop dispensing wisdom. Please keep your mouth shut, and through this silence you will learn how to listen, how to skillfully hear others, how to learn from others, how to work for your life, how to fight with yourself to fulfill your dreams—and if you can do this, you'll get whatever you want in life!
Those who come before you and talk too much before actually doing anything—beautiful times never come to their lives. Their lives remain just like that forever, meaning a chatterer's life is spent in chatter until death! Don't think about anything else, only think about yourself. How to take yourself a little further ahead, how to find new paths—in searching for these, you will find them. You know it well: when the student is ready, the teacher appears! I say again, give yourself unlimited time, do something to make your dreams come true, something that introduces you anew, something that will make the people around you forget all your past failures. Stop giving time to everyone else. Give time to building yourself, lock yourself in a room with the door shut. Life is not a thing for fooling around, Anila! Make yourself so radiant that everyone's eyes are dazzled by that light! And with just that light, keep stunning everyone by shining it in their eyes! Absolutely astound them! Illuminate them with your light!
(To be continued...)