The Last Letter

Stay well, my dear, stay very well.
Even if it means giving me pain, stay well.
Believe me, all those accusations you hurled at me—
I hadn't even thought that much of myself then.
I only didn't want to lose you, never wanted more than that.

It will hurt me terribly to say I love someone else the way I loved you.
I never felt this good about anyone, never like this!

Of course, others love you too, don't they?
Yes, that's right! What's so special about it!
They love you just the way I do.
You are, after all, so very worthy!

Whatever happens, happens for the best...
Isn't that so?
Tell me then... what good has come of this now?
Why did you shelter me for that little while?
And if you did... why did you sweep me away like this in the flood?

Now all my breath is choked, drowning in water!
You didn't even leave a straw behind, took everything with you!
Of course, telling you all this is pointless!
You won't understand any of it!
To you I'm just a plaything—
to be thrown away at will,
to be picked up and played with again at whim.

Why did you stay in my life as such a deceiver!
Why did you shatter my trust like that!
You never loved me, not even today!
You only acted, and so skillfully!

Can unbearable memories ever be erased from the mind, no matter how much one tries?
I can't even erase the good memories!
Perhaps you don't even know, beloved... what agony fills each moment of mine now!
This new battle to stay alive is unbearable!
Who can I make understand this pain!
This is such pain that offers no escape,
rather it grows with ever-new symptoms,
and somewhere, somehow, my death knell keeps ringing constantly...

How wrong I was about you... so terribly wrong!
I still can't accept it...
Every moment it comes to mind, as if proving the mistake was only mine—
you're no deceiver, no betrayer!

I long for you to return to me again...
Though you've made it clear you were never mine,
rather it was all my wrong assumption, I troubled you needlessly,
what was there was... overstepping bounds, false hope, all false...
Bravo, bravo, bravo!
How easily you all do such things!

So you too joined everyone else's ranks!
Why did you have to leave in the end?
You didn't have to be mine, I had no sorrow in that...
Then why did you have to become so inhuman?
The respect I held for you in my heart, couldn't you have left that untainted!

Trusting in you, I argued with countless people, instantly calling their accusations against you false...
And today that same you pushed me so far away?
It would have been much better if you had told me directly to call death to myself!

Why did you apply poison like a silent assassin when you said you'd heal my wounds...!
If you knew... how terrible this pain is, if even a fraction of it touched your feelings,
truly I tell you, you would be frightened!
You really would recoil!
You would understand that surviving such suffering is nearly impossible!

The person I placed on a deity's throne and worshipped as divine...
If you knew what pain it is to drag him down to the ranks of the inhuman, unable even to count him among humans,
you would never have dared to do such a thing!

Even after all this, still, I couldn't stop myself...
from sitting in prayer for your well-being!

Stay very well.
This is my only request...
You didn't love me, and don't love me now,
go ahead and cast me away!
I have no sorrow in that.
But... let me be your last plaything!
What you've done to me, never do to anyone else again.

If you do, perhaps I won't be able to save you from that curse.
That day will bring me great sorrow!
I implore you, don't do such things again.
Stay well, beloved.
With all those who are meant to keep you well,
stay well with all of them,
and keep yourself very, very well!