The Heart's Lamp in Pilsuj

When you come near, the sky feels right,
when you come near, my heart takes flight,
when you come near, even on tiger's claws
I'd lay my body without pause and say—I'm blissfully content!
When you come near, again and again I rise alive in disbelief!
 
O god of my uprising!
You have given me rebirth. Thank you!
Know this, I love deeply—
like the peace of prayer
you have brought to me
heaven's immortality!
Into my death you've struck new life's song,
brought love to war,
joy and solace to weariness.
 
Greetings, beloved!
The paradise you've built—
in my heart, surrounded by waves of tenderness and love, has lived for centuries,
in nectar lies your rightful claim,
that oath, eternal as truth, I have not forgotten even today.
This I know is greater than love!
They have bound only with threads,
but you have given freedom—
to my love-drunk heart.
 
Reach out your hand—
beneath my eyes,
near my cheek,
touching sorrow with cupped palms,
understand in this untimely hour—
how deep in my heart, in what pain
I live like an arrow-pierced bird in this city.
New paint has touched the gray walls—suddenly today! But why? Do you understand?
That skeleton of mine, hidden behind civilization's skillful mask, has long been lost,
has wept and yearned desperately so many times—
O death! O death!
 
Let all deprivation decay,
all the mounting oppression in my blood,
let it all be erased today like greedy memory,
this room or that exile,
what do I have!
Who is there, tell me!
Trembling hands, bloodshot eyes,
drained heart, lost wealth,
deep anguish, unbearable weeping—
all together like an angry serpent—burning in poison, swaying in poison, melting in poison.
 
I want poison, poison!
Let those gods be blessed in their thirst for nectar,
whatever poison humiliation pours, let it be loaded
and let this sky and air lie today face-down.
My address goes wrong at the wrong door,
making the familiar path unfamiliar, in sorrow I laugh
in the darkness of the road I hear one name, weave one name—that name is death!
Yet see, I remain alive like a banyan tree,
I have no greed for immortality, know this!
Only to see you—all this!
You come, please, you come...
Reach out your hand...beneath my eyes...
 
My poetry—you are that!
When for no reason dewdrops fall melancholy at the corner of my eyes,
they see; they say, that's tears. They say, I'm crying.
You know, this is my love, this is my heart.
I never wanted my banks to overflow like monsoon water,
murky and unconscious joy—I never wanted that.
The nectar you filled my heart with—burning yourself,
how shall I repay that debt?
 
I had thought, like them,
I too would go to the blue Yamuna,
with great longing in my heart, if happiness comes by drowning in the body!
O beloved, listen, I could not! Your dwelling is in my ribs, your sweet memory on my lips!
In earth and sky, in veins and blood,
no one else remains, only you exist!
My god remained behind, that attic floats before my eyes,
some song-memories hidden in the wall,
your blood, body, flesh—
let them belong to someone else,
I know, no one will have your you, your you is mine alone!
 
Who has wanted you—
body, or mind?
Who are you to me—
love, or war?
If I love only you then
why do those old eyes float away?
Why such burning when I touch you?
After all this, why does the heart laugh?
 
Whom do I love well,
whom do I push away,
who plays the veena,
who raises the tune—
like a child I only listen...
No feeling left in my chest, yet I listen on.
This is not love, only loving—drowning in joy,
this is merely floating in a fathomless sea—heart full of sorrow!
 
Like clouds of the northeast, lifting my veil I love you,
in waiting I gather neglect and all the expectations,
in the hurried rain-clouds of my eyes.
That sudden playful smile I love so much,
on your lips like dawn's red—
intimate devoted dreams, or distant exile—
I love deeply!
I love you in many many forms, many many ways,
the farther I go, the more I return!