The hairpin spins in my head

  
 I wanted to win by loving you,
 I didn't want to lose by gaining your love.
  
 Now I watch myself disappearing a little each day...
 Whether this losing brings me joy or sorrow—
 I can't quite understand.
  
 At your enchanting words I melt like wax...
 Each photograph you send carries a chemistry in its gaze—
 partly slanted, partly direct.
  
 When I look into your eyes
 the feeling that flares in my chest...droops like sulking leaves!
  
 Look outside for a moment.
 You'll see the sun's fierce burning against the sky,
 and the whole earth heavy with helpless weeping.
  
 Now is the time for no one to look at anyone.
 Yet I'm rushing toward you alone!
  
 Wherever I go, after walking some distance, I turn back;
 I see you gazing like an unwavering pole star in my sky.
  
 Let all the locks of the world's melancholy be opened,
 I want to return to your heart.
  
 May your faultless footprints in my life
 never be lost in any wrong hour, never in any pandemic!
  
 Listen, don't love me.
 Never write even the smallest word of love.
  
 I'm growing more afraid...of losing you!
 The fear of not being able to bear so much love keeps devouring me!
  
 You know, my nights without you lie dead!
 Even in daylight I feel alone.
  
 Keep me carefully in the window of your mind, with great love.
 I'll secretly come alive like an address-less bird with you.
  
 I see you
 when I don't see you.
 I find you
 when I don't find you.
 When you come before me
 you somehow go away...