I darkened my eyes with kohl to make them look human—I have to go to the bank. Who better than me to skillfully conceal two hours of broken sleep with practiced expertise!
I don't feel like calling Rashed anymore. Let him sleep. Let him be late to the office for once. No, no—I'm not asking him to skip work to spend time with me. Actually, my world is most beautiful when he's at the office. I've come to know the beauty of solitude now. Alone, I tidy the house, water the plants, lose myself in Vivekananda or Saratchandra, or there's always Uttam and Suchitra! It's better when I'm alone.
I don't need Rashed anymore. So much so that I feel if I don't see his face for seven straight days, I'll simply forget him. I won't hold my breath waiting to see him like before, won't let rivers of tears flow from my eyes in wounded pride; even if Rashed goes back to his old girlfriend Reshmi, I won't fall apart. In fact, I'd be relieved if he went somewhere else. Wherever he wants, to whoever he wants—let him go. I want Rashed to live like a free bird.
Rashed has given me so much love in this lifetime that I don't need that thing anymore. And the second thing he's given me is money. Even spending with both hands, I can't exhaust it. The fact that I can't exhaust it troubles me! What does a person do with so much money? When your house is full of so much wealth, what do you buy peace with? Being able to buy whatever I want—there's no greater helplessness than this.
Anyway, I don't want Rashed anymore. I just want a little space, to be alone, to take care of myself, to organize my own work myself. Now I only want me.
Love or luxury—none of these are life's final word. I've set out to find what that final word really is, before I myself come to an end! Before I die, I will find the reason for living—I will!