The Fear of Losing

I've always been someone who avoids trouble. Whenever I see complications brewing somewhere, I quietly slip away. But who knows—perhaps this very trait has cursed me with lifelong entanglements! The reason is simple: it takes only one person to drive you mad. What goes on inside people's hearts—how can you tell from the outside?

What kind of people have I surrounded myself with all my life! Everyone says one thing and does another. I can't decide what to do.

Why are people so rotten inside? How do they become so calculating? My world has become so overgrown with weeds that in trying to pull them all out, I'm becoming completely alone. When a person gets trapped from every direction, what should they do?

If there were a chance to be born twice in one lifetime, I would take that second birth and correct all the mistakes from my first life. Can a person ever create such an opportunity for themselves?

There are certain wrong decisions in life that, once made, leave you with less than a lifetime to finish paying for your mistakes. I never even realized when life slipped through my fingers like this!

Now there's no way to escape this situation, yet staying feels suffocating with every passing moment!

Sometimes I want to run away from this life to somewhere very far away—exactly far enough to break free from everything familiar in my small world.

I want to go so far that even if I tried or wanted to, I could never return.

But somehow I can't bring myself to do anything. I'm so helpless that I can't even give myself a moment's happiness!
Someone who can't give themselves happiness, respect, dignity, success—anything—do they have any right to live?

I'm disgusted with my life now!
I feel deeply, deeply ashamed to be alive!
Why couldn't I bring myself even a little honor?

Being born into a prominent family is terribly challenging. You have to act with yourself every moment. Every moment, you must calculate each step!

Girls from established families bear more blame; in maintaining the family's status, they end up having nothing of their own. Those outside this circle are so much luckier.

Those who have nothing—do they fear losing anything? Living in constant fear of loss, I could never truly live with a full heart!