He's practicing law at the courts, while I still haven't gone to court. He would always tell me how much money he'd earned, how much he'd spent. In front of me, he'd always put on this sorrowful expression, constantly complaining about his hardships. Whenever we met, whatever five hundred or a thousand taka I had in hand, I'd slip it into his pocket. If I saw something, I'd buy it for him. All the sheets he needed for his exams—I'd provide everything, going far out of my way. His nephew needed clothes, I desperately needed that money I had—I was supposed to see a doctor about my eyes—but still, walking through heavy rain, I spent it all on clothes for that baby. Not once did he ask later, "Did you see the doctor?" My glasses had gotten completely scratched. I was having trouble seeing, but after giving him the money, I couldn't afford to change my glasses. For so long I had to struggle, studying with those damaged glasses.
He was going to India for his cousin's treatment, and he told me, "I'm giving you some work to do..." Then he had me shop for everything a boy might need—sandals, perfume, shoes, t-shirts, towels, lungis, blah blah blah, whatever was necessary. Not once did he wonder if I had the money. And on the day he was leaving for India, he asked me to come to the airport with him, asked me to bring sweets. I bought so many sweets. I was having serious money troubles then. Then when he was coming back from India, he asked me to keep his taxi fare ready and buy a bag for his sister—I did that too. Plus chocolates on the way, with my money. Yet I kept borrowing money from home, saying I needed to collect my Eid outfit from the tailor. So many times I went to get it but couldn't because of his needs. He had so many hardships. He was going to court but had no pants or shirts. I borrowed fifteen hundred taka from home, thinking at least he could buy some lowest-quality pants.
When we finished our bachelor's degree, I told him to enroll in the master's program. He said he couldn't afford it. I said, "How is that possible! If you don't go, I won't either. I'll never move forward without you." I took the risk and enrolled him using money from my own semester fees. I was so worried about arranging his semester fees, I humbled myself before so many people, even my friend's mother. I got no help from anyone. I took the risk with my own money and got him enrolled. I was facing two challenges then—I was bearing all his Eid expenses and getting him enrolled at the same time.
I mostly covered the first semester, with him contributing something. I kept supporting him constantly. I never lacked compassion. I stood by him during his difficult times. It hurt deeply when, despite everything, he would compare me to others. He'd tell me, "Why can't you be like so-and-so!" He had an ex, he told me later; he would compare me to her and her sister. He'd say they had much better presence of mind. He'd constantly compare me to his ex, talking about her over and over. It hurt me so much. Just tell me to improve myself, I'll improve. Why bring in someone else? He'd tell me how he used to chat with his ex in such a way that his friends couldn't tell. Why did he tell me this? I chat the same way he's been chatting from the beginning. He would hurt me mentally everywhere.
One day at a restaurant, I, he, and my friend were sitting together. He started telling my friend, "I won't spend a single taka on your family or mine." My friend and I just sat there listening. I had never asked him for money—on the contrary, I'd been giving him money. And if he had to say such things, he could have told me privately—why did he need to say it in front of my friend?
He doesn't text me like before, acts strangely somehow. Such sudden changes were hard for me to accept. Even our physical relationship—nothing. The person who used to have time for me, who would take a moment to text me properly even when online—now he doesn't. I understand you're busy all day, but at least text properly for ten minutes. Being busy doesn't ruin relationships. He seems to be avoiding me somehow—that's what I feel, and it hurts terribly.
One day I went to court; he told me, "Look, if Allah wills it, the marriage will happen even if we're not willing." Now his intentions were becoming crystal clear. You respect Allah so much—then why didn't you keep this in mind before! Why are you saying these things now?
He tells me, "You should have gotten married long ago." My friend's house and his house are on the same road. One day I went to my friend's place, and he asked to meet me. We stood talking. A girl in a burqa was walking by then. When he saw her, he became a bit flustered, as if a thief had been caught. I felt something strange then. Suspicion crept into my mind. A few days later when I met him, I took his phone. I saw that the girl in the burqa had sent him photos with her hair uncovered. I said in amazement, "I saw that girl wearing a hijab—why did she send you photos with her hair uncovered?" He replied, "She didn't send this to me, she sent it to my friend, and it came here by mistake." What a liar!
Another day my friend posted an attractive photo on WhatsApp. He commented on her eyes and beauty and more. He inboxed her about the photo, saying various things. I asked, "Why are you doing this?" He replied, "This is called human weakness."
How it feels! This is his "human weakness." I saw with my own eyes that he looks at other girls even in front of me. I was in so much pain. Later I said, "Why do you look like that?" He told me, "I don't look anymore now." I had told him, "Look, you talk and chat with so many girls, it bothers me." He said, "My previous person never gave me restrictions about these things."
He didn't respect anyone. He would belittle my sister and brother, who had struggled so hard with their studies. He would also make terrible comments about my friends.
Someone I had a relationship with before came back to the country. One day he followed me and cried, asking how I was living without him! He wouldn't let me go. I managed to escape that day with great difficulty. I was going to a court program that day. So I told him about the incident, confiding in him. The next day he called my friend and asked, "Is it right for me to continue this relationship with her? What do you think? What's your opinion?" My friend told him, "Look, she had a relationship, that's fine, but she honestly wants you and loves you." Then he told my friend, "Oh I see, you're her doctor." I apparently follow what my "doctor" friend says.
He disliked my closeness with any of my friends. He would always tell both me and my friend that I apparently live by my friend's wisdom. Well, if I live by my friend's wisdom, then before the relationship started, my friend advised me not to get involved with him—I could have followed that advice and not started the relationship at all. I didn't listen to my friend then.
I didn't give him all those thousands of taka after consulting with my friend.
Comparing me to his ex, he would say the fundamental difference between me and his ex was: we two had everything in common, but I apparently can't take challenges. He would compare me to many other girls like this.
Around six months in, I was feeling very restless. We hadn't talked under the open sky for so long. I said, "Let's meet one day." I pleaded so much. He was busy, I understood that. I would tell him, "We'll leave in the morning and return home in the evening." He would tell me, "No, that won't work. We'll go somewhere far for two days." I would say, "Look, I can't go like that. We'll roam around all day—that's best." He would tell me, "No time, no time for a day trip." Yet he was willing to go away for two days. He would comment on my figure too. He would make me cry in front of him with his comments.
My dream was to become a judge. One day he said to me on the street, "Won't you join the BCS cadre?" I said no. After that exchange, he didn't listen to another word. Just walked away. He didn't give me a chance to say that I wanted to become a judge. I hadn't been thinking about BCS. But the way he was behaving—now I wanted to achieve that too, just to show him.
Back then I told him I would become a judge. He mocked me, saying, "If you do, everyone will know. You're not outside the university, after all." He knew the severity of the allegations against the political faction he was involved with. Yet he still entangled me in his uncertain life, made me dream false dreams.
He told me he didn't have much money. He'd say, "I can't give you anything lavish, but there will be a peaceful nest. There won't be any lack of tranquility there"—yet he constantly hurt me with his words. The situation had become such that even after he'd devastated me, I'd still slip money into his pocket. He never had any shame about taking money; rather, he'd ask for it through various schemes.
When I couldn't bear his avoidance anymore, I'd call him repeatedly and cry, meet him and cry. He'd tell me, "Why do you keep meeting me when I've forbidden you so many times?" His father had apparently told him not to marry someone he was in a relationship with, and that whoever the family chose would be the right person for him.
There might be many discussions in the family, but why did he have to tell me this? Hearing those words made me feel so awful inside! I gave him gifts on his birthday, we had dinner together, I gave him little surprises. In the end, he compared me to someone else. I felt then that everything I'd done was worthless. Seeing my distress, my friend made inquiries through someone who knew him. That person said he had flirted with many girls. And girls fell for his words. He could convince people by talking about various religious matters. It took me a long time to believe that he was doing this with other girls too.
One day I got concrete proof—I messaged him from another account. From his gentle behavior, I understood that he was flirting with many girls.
He supposedly loved his ex very much. Yet he had told me that he absolutely had to find someone better than his ex. One day I met with him. I said, "If our families don't agree, then we won't marry at all. What do you say?" And then I told him about a friend's relationship; I said they would apparently remain unmarried if both families didn't accept them. Then he told me, "You're waiting for me. When I'm established, I'll send the first proposal to you." I asked, "Who will you send the next proposal to?" He said he'd start the next proposal process from his home. Hearing this hurt me so much that I cried in front of him. Tears streamed continuously from my eyes. I felt like I might collapse right there. I had lost all strength. He said, "What is there to cry about here?" I wanted to grab him and slap him!
The plan was to complete my honors and enroll in judiciary coaching, to prepare intensively. I had taken the coaching money from home. But I gave all that money to him for his master's admission. I remember that day I asked him to block one of his female classmates. I felt uncomfortable when he chatted with that girl. So I told him about it. I got very angry. Still, he didn't listen to me.
I had given him all my money, then he told me he would block the girl. Later, another day, we talked about this again, I felt upset, and he still hadn't blocked the girl. The third time, he supposedly blocked her. Then later, for some reason, he apparently had to unblock the girl. He always had his excuses ready. He couldn't honor this simple request. He still chats with that girl. I thought, what kind of priority is he giving me!