# The End of the End The old woman sat by the window, watching the afternoon light slant across the courtyard. Her hands, spotted and thin as paper, rested on her lap. She had been sitting like this for three hours—or was it four? Time had become a slippery thing, like water cupped in palms. "You've stopped eating again," her daughter-in-law said, appearing in the doorway with a bowl of rice. She didn't turn. "I'm not hungry." "You say that every day." The younger woman set the bowl on the small table beside her, the sound of ceramic on wood sharp in the quiet room. "The doctor said you must eat." "The doctor says many things." Now she turned, just enough to see the girl—for she was still a girl, really, despite the streaks of gray that had begun to show at her temples. "None of it matters much anymore." It was not unkindness in her voice, only fact. The way one might observe that monsoon clouds were gathering, or that the mango tree had stopped flowering. Statement without malice. Her daughter-in-law sighed—that sigh that had become her constant companion in recent years. "Ma, you have grandchildren. They ask about you." "Tell them Dadi is resting." "You are always resting now." The old woman did not answer. She returned her gaze to the courtyard, where a sparrow was pecking at scattered grain. It was the same sparrow, she thought, that had nested in the eaves twenty years ago. Or perhaps it was its great-great-grandchild. The line of sparrows, unbroken and invisible. She envied that continuity. "I met your friend Shikha yesterday," her daughter-in-law ventured, changing tack as she always did. "She asked when you might visit. She said you haven't come for months." "Shikha is younger than me. She has things to do." "So do you." The old woman smiled—a real smile, which made her face crease like old paper unfolding. "No, child. That is what you still believe. But I have done my things. All of them. There is nothing left now but to wait." "Wait for what?" She didn't answer immediately. The sparrow had finished its meal and was preening its wings, obsessive, meticulous. "When you are young, you wait for things that come from outside—love, children, money, respect. You think if you wait long enough and do the right things, life will deliver what you want. But at my age, you learn that all the waiting now is internal. It is the body waiting to remember how to stop. The mind waiting to learn how to let go." Her daughter-in-law pulled a chair closer and sat. "That's frightening to hear." "Is it?" The old woman turned to look at her fully now. "I found it was the most freeing thing I have ever understood. Do you know what freedom is? It is reaching the end and discovering that none of it required as much struggle as you thought. The fight is over. You can rest now." "But there is so much unfinished. Your stories—you were always going to write them down. Your recipes. The history of our family." The old woman nodded slowly. "Yes. I was always going to. And now I have reached the end of that always. This is what *ইতি*—the end—really means. Not the finish, but the realization that all the always-going-to has become the never-will. And there is peace in that, too." The girl's eyes glistened. She reached out and took her mother-in-law's hand—those papery hands that had braided her hair as a bride, that had delivered her children, that had held a hundred worries and let them drop like stones into a well. "I don't want you to go," she whispered. The old woman squeezed back, though her grip was light as breath. "I know. But that was never something I had the power to refuse. We go when the time comes. Just as we came when we were called. It is all the same hand, all the same voice, calling and uncalling. Beginning and ending are the same word, if you listen in the right language." Outside, the sparrow took flight, rising into the amber sky. The old woman watched it go, and her eyes, which had grown cloudy with age, seemed suddenly clear—as if she could see not just the sparrow's flight, but all the flights that had ever been, all the rising and returning, the infinite thread. "Eat a little," she said to her daughter-in-law. "Not for me. For yourself. You're too thin." And the girl, despite everything, laughed—a small, broken sound that was almost like hope. The bowl of rice sat untouched as the afternoon light moved across the room, slow and inevitable as the turning of a key in a lock. In the courtyard, the sparrow did not return. But another would come tomorrow, and another after that. The world, indifferent and kind, would continue its long, patient ending, moment by moment, the way all things do.

Hey! So I heard a great story about you from someone. Would be happy if you accept my friend request. Though honestly, no worries if you don’t. At least I can follow someone as amazing as you!

Hi! Actually, I haven’t heard any story about you from anyone. I accepted your friend request to make you happy, though it wouldn’t have been a problem if I didn’t. Because at least I can ask who you are!

Oh! You’re right, actually! I don’t have any great story to tell! So there’s nothing to hear in the first place! And while my identity exists somewhat on Facebook, since you’ve asked, let me tell you—people never fully know themselves. Since Socrates’ time, this human failure has been a wound that opens fresh every time I see it, burning all over again… But as much as I know: society has gifted me an identity—Hindu by birth (though I believe in one God), born in Kushtia, now living in Dhaka, studying at Dhaka University. And yes, I’ve just started my boring MBA—Management, at DU. Nothing much else. Oh, one more thing! God-given visible identity: female creature, five feet six and a half inches tall, fifty-eight kilos, black eyes, black hair too, that’s it! Thank you!

Wow! You introduced yourself so beautifully! What year did you do your SSC?

Two thousand seven. So I’m practically ancient now! (Is it because asking a girl’s age directly isn’t proper etiquette that you’re asking it this way?)

Well then, I’m ancient history! (I answered the bracketed comment without using brackets; make of it what you will, whichever way suits you.)

Ha! Everything’s arranged at the riverside! Nothing will be lacking. No need to worry about that! Oh wait! I got it wrong! I’ve heard that boys never get old? At least Bangladeshi boys supposedly stay sprightly and young their whole lives?

Nah, I really am old! My SSC was in two thousand. I live in Dinajpur, six feet tall. Eyes and hair, both black. Two hands, two feet, two ears. Thirty-two teeth.

But no! If you’re Bangladeshi, you’ll never grow old!

Ah, let me finish! Ten fingers on my hands…

Oh, I only have thirty teeth!

Ten toes on my feet…

And I have just twenty fingers between my hands and feet! Can you imagine how little I’m surviving with!

Where did the two teeth go?

Sigh, if I had a few more fingers! And those two teeth still haven’t come in. Those are supposed to be wisdom teeth! Once the wisdom comes, then they’ll grow!

Where do you live?

I mean, I still don’t have wisdom yet!… I live in a DU hall.

Which hall? Which grade?

BKMCH.

What’s that?

Tell me what it is—it’s just the name of our hall.

Bangladesh Kuwait Friendship Hospital. Google told me so.

Yes, you got it right. A hospital indeed!

So, are you a doctor?

Why? Are there only doctors in hospitals? What about nurses, patients—where are they supposed to go? Let’s say I’m a patient!

Nonsense! Stop playing games! Are you studying nursing?

I’m not studying nursing, but I teach nurses.

What do you mean? I don’t understand anything.

I’m studying management. Hospitals run a business too, don’t they? So there’s some management involved in that. I handle their international business management side. Get it?

What do you mean?

Look! Private hospitals run a business, right? They invite international customers. They hired me to handle those people. Now do you understand?

No, I don’t. I’ve never heard anything like this!

And I’ve never even heard of something called Bangladesh Kuwait Friendship Hospital before!

Ugh!!

See? I got it! Huh!

Stop joking around. Know me well, do you? Grrr!!

Yes, I know you very well! I can hit you real hard! Ha ha………

I’ll beat you! You’ll get lice in your hair!

Okay, fine…………No lice, you’re sure?

Your left eye will get even more cross-eyed! May your belly ache! Ugh!!

Oh noooooo!

You little rascal!

I’m sorry! Huh! I’m really good!

Hold your ear and stand on one leg!

How? I have two legs! I’ve never stood on one leg before. I don’t even know how to stand on one leg!

Raise one leg, keep the other down. That’s it!

Where do I raise one leg to? Who will hold it? I’ll fall! So I’ll just stand on both legs! Huh!

No way! Stand on one leg! You awful girl! And listen, who told you about me?

Then I’ll fall and get hurt! A good animal told me about you!

Strange! Doesn’t a good animal have a name? Tell me its name.

It doesn’t have a name. A good animal’s name is just “good animal.” That’s it! Your writings are really wonderful, by the way!

I know! Which piece did you read?

Wow! Self-praise from your own lips……..And yes, I read the recent ones.

Haven’t you read the Notes pieces?

Not yet, I mean, I only just found you yesterday. I’ll finish it slowly. How long can it possibly take to read!

All right. What did you like?

Everything I’ve read so far, I’ve liked it all. That’s why I can’t pinpoint anything specific.

You liked everything? That’s not how it works. Why are you talking nonsense?

I’m telling you the truth. Everything I’ve read, I’ve genuinely liked.

All right.

That piece your girlfriend wrote, that’s good too.

The one that’s up now—have you read it?

I have. That one’s incredible! That one where………you are mine, always have been, always will be—is that the one?

Yes, that’s the one.

She’s written beautifully.

Tell me something I didn’t know!

I enjoy reading everything, except class texts. So this liking of mine isn’t anything new.

Who enjoys reading class texts anyway?

I used to, actually! Really! Not anymore. But I need to like them. What do I do, tell me?

Why do you need to? Do you have to be first? Wait—are you one of those first-girl types?

You have no idea what kind of ridiculous expectations everyone has of me! That’s why! People act like I was born to become a university professor! Hahahaha………

Hey! Why did you bring up studies? I’m leaving………running away! Talk of studies is unbearable to me!

No, I’m not one of those first-girl types. But somehow I’ve ended up as second!

Ta ta.

Wait, where are you going? OK OK, no studies, no class texts!

Very good! My CGPA at university was 2.59, and that was from Triple-E, mind you! Do you understand what that means?

I don’t understand any of it. Everyone has their own life, their own way. That’s what I believe. Everyone should live however they want! Why does everyone have to do honours and masters? I don’t get it! Does being a good person require good grades? Goodness has no CGPA.

That means you didn’t understand my story or my situation at all!

You’re claiming you’re a bad student. OK fine! I want to be a bad student too. But I can’t seem to be like that. What do I have to do to manage it, tell me!

No no, you don’t have to be bad. Study reallllly well!

Nothing’s working! I can’t get my studies right at all!

Here we go again! Think about your studies and eat some puffed rice!

No, I’m not going to study. I’m busy with you right now, so, no studying! Okay?

Alright, fine.

So, what do you like?

(No answer.)

I like so many things! Mostly natural things. Like mountains, forests, the sea, rivers, villages, lakes. That sort of thing. There’s so much I love! My capacity for loving things is endless!

(No answer.)

But you didn’t tell me what you like! Did I ask something too personal? Okay, never mind then. You don’t have to say. Take care. Bye bye.

Are you there? Where??? I got a bit caught up, so I couldn’t reply.

Oh, okay.

My list is pretty much the same. I love nature too, passionately. How about I come over? I’ll knock as soon as I get there.

Okay, bye bye.

………………………………

Hey! Are you still working? At the office?

On my way home.

Why do you have to work such long hours?

Coming to Dhaka tonight. Usually it’s not that bad—office closes at five, but some days the workload keeps me stuck there longer.

Why are you coming? How long will you stay?

Work stuff. Planning to head back Saturday evening.

What kind of job is this?

What do you mean? What’s wrong?

What’s not wrong? One day here, the next day there!

I already told you—I’m coming for work! It’ll take two days to finish.

I know! I’m just saying you don’t get days off.

Hahaha… okay, I see your point now. No, actually it’s not like that. I just have a lot on this week. Friday and Saturday are normally off. When we get days off, we actually get them off!

I don’t get it. Don’t you have a fixed weekly holiday?

No holidays… my foot! You stop worrying about me. Why aren’t you studying instead of being here?

Because you’re here…

What about me?

I don’t study that much, understand?

Good!

I’m not on Facebook all day either.

So what do you do?

I’m not in a good mood today. So I just look at pictures of happy people smiling.

Why? What’s wrong?

Nothing much, really. Everything, all at once.

Tell me. Let me hear it. Did you fight with your boyfriend?

In the last three months, two of my spare phones have been stolen. And I don’t have the time to get upset over BFF-TFT kind of petty stuff.

Oh, that’s what this is about!

Yeah, the last one was stolen on October 30th. I was so upset I didn’t even go to any of the Durga Puja pandals.

Oh no!

I’m trying to forget about the phone loss, but seeing the friends around me just makes it worse.

What do you mean? Can’t talk to your BF about it?

Ugh! That’s not it. Today I saw my student bought a phone just like mine.

And that’s why you’re upset?

I want to slap myself hard across the face.

Go ahead, no problem. Which cheek are you planning to hit first?

Do I have to hit myself just because I feel like it?

Come on, hit yourself! What’s there to worry about? And listen, make it a good one, will you? Otherwise it won’t hurt, and there’ll be no point to it.

But if I hit hard, it’ll hurt a lot! No, I’m not doing it.

No no, don’t make that mistake. Go ahead, slap yourself! It won’t be anything. It’ll sting a bit, sure! But that’s nothing!

Nooooooo… if it hurts, it’ll cause pain.

Then what else will you do! Go soak some puffed rice in Sprite and eat it!

Okay, fine. So you really like Sprite that much?

Throw in some ice cubes too, it’ll taste nice… no, not really that much of a fan. Why?

Well, looking at your health!

What do you mean????

I mean, you’re in great shape! Such a broad, magnificent belly! Isn’t it great?

How did you see my health? In a picture? My profile pic?

No, I saw it in your status. You mentioned you’ve developed quite a paunch!

Ha ha ha… you can’t believe everything writers write.

No, it’s not that. You have so many pictures! I’ve seen them too. And now you’re claiming to be slim in front of me and getting it written about!

Ugh! What a rotten, stale girl you are.

Hey… when are you coming over to my place?

Where?

To me.

What do you mean?

Didn’t you say you’d come to my place?

Who are you talking to?

To you, mister!

Give me your number. Let me call you. I can’t make heads or tails of what you’re saying.

You said you’d come to Dhaka tonight! I’m here, so I told you to come to me. You didn’t even get the joke?

Hahahahaha………Okay, now got it! Should we meet?

So you topped the BCS exam, I heard? We definitely have to meet when you get a chance!

Give me your number, let’s talk.

I lost my phone! Didn’t I tell you?

Oh…………

I’ll buy a new one and let you know.

Okay. Hey………! What are you up to?

I can see you. Right here! What are you doing?

I’m lying down. How are you seeing me?

On Facebook. Didn’t you say you’re coming to Dhaka? When exactly? Can I know?

Which album? Car leaves at 11:30 tonight.

Oh! Come on, hurry up then! So late?

Oh!

I was thinking, oh, you’re finally here!…………That album where you took photos with those two stylish girls in Korea—let me see that one.

Hahahahahaha………

Oh yes, nowadays there’s shooting outside the country too! So you went for a shoot?

They’re Chinese!

Oh yes! And they are open!

Open? In what sense?

I mean, frank, friendly, amiable, lovely.

(No answer.)

Hey! You busy? Am I bothering you?

Yup, they are! They told me a ‘hi’ and asked me to have a snap with them. They are lovely as well!

Why are you talking in English? Are you nervous about something?

What do you mean?

I mean, we Bengalis—sometimes when we get angry or nervous, we switch to English to hide what’s really going on. So just asking, nothing else.

Why are you feeling nervous?

Your head! Horse’s egg! 01702441139. That’s my number.

But you said you don’t have a mobile?

Well, I have the number! Dug up this old broken phone from the trunk. And when I checked, it works. Though it switches off sometimes. Can I have your number?

(No answer.)

Oh, you’re thinking, why did this girl just rattle off her number like that! That’s it, right? I’m your fan, you see. Hahahihi………Okay, bye bye, take care!

(No answer.)

Hello! I think your journey to me—to Dhaka—is safe.

Yep, it was! Good morning!

Hey! Why are you upset? Did I say you were rotten? I only want to know, to understand, to feel how you are! Nothing more than that.

No, no! It’s fine.

So what are you up to? Can I know? Are you busy?

At DU.

Where there?

On campus.

Doing what?

Having puchka at Hakim Chattor!

Oh! That’s so close! Come to my hall.

What’s the point?

You can see the place!

(No answer.)

I see—you’re very busy. Okay, all the best with whatever you’re up to. Bye bye. Take care.

I’ll come. I’ll call before I do. You stay, okay?

……………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………

Thank you so much for giving me such a wonderful evening! I know you were really annoyed with me today! I’m truly disgusting! What can I do about it, tell me! I just can’t help being a pest! And honestly, I said all those things on purpose just to make you angry. I didn’t know you couldn’t take a joke! But still, I am sorry for that! I’m asking your forgiveness for my inappropriate behavior. And it will never happen again. Take care. Good night.

I was waiting for your text. And it finally came. Good night.

Oh thank you! And for all those books—Black Ice though you are my guru, Yellow Spring, The Attic Sentinel, The Water from the Distant Spring, The Mind’s Own Mind, The Swimmer and the Water Nymph, Rain and Clouds, The Address of Rain—endless thanks to you. I’ll read them and give you my thoughts. Honestly. Meeting you has been a gain for me—I’ve read so many books! Thanks, sir!

Why are you like this?

Like what? This is just how I am!

Okay.

So are you very busy on Facebook?

Yes, I am.

Addiction!

Nah, even more than that!

Oh!

So today I’ve wasted a lot of your time then!

Hahahaha………

So am I being a real nuisance? Or just a mild one?

(No answer.)

Who just leaves without a word like that? Okay, fine—you’re a busy man with easy Facebook work! Staying so busy, so very busy, so incredibly busy……………

Last night I just crashed, WiFi still on and everything. Sorry sorry sorry! Good morning. How are you?

Look at you, being so nice! I wasn’t around this morning either. Good evening to you then. How’s your whole day been treating you?

Well. Yes, it’s actually been quite good.

You’ve been glued to your phone and virtual life all day, staying so busy! What kind of happiness do you even find in all that? Though I suppose, looking at things now, everyone seems to call this living well.

(No answer.)

You! Why are you putting on such airs, huh? I get it, you’ve gotten a bit too full of yourself! But does that mean you can’t have a normal conversation with ordinary people? Come ooooooon……………hello! Hey! How are you? I really want to know! Are you at the office right now? Did you eat lunch? What’s so terrible about talking to me for a bit? Would it kill you?

How are you? I called you.

I’m doing really well, actually. How are you doing? I don’t have your phone number. And I generally don’t pick up calls from unknown numbers.

Okay. I’m still alive.

How’s Uncle doing?

Dad’s doing well. How are you? Has the fever gone down?

(No answer.)

Where are you? Hellooooooo????

I’m doing fine. The fever’s come down. I had a course presentation at eight-thirty this morning, so I went to bed a bit early. How are you doing, sir? Wishing you all the best.

I didn’t understand what you meant by that last bit.

What are you saying! You’re the one who started! How can you not get something so simple?………….I mean………I was saying, well, your father, I mean Uncle—I was wishing him well. If he’s well, then you’ll be well too, right? So wishing you well is the same as wishing him well. Clear now?

You don’t have to say things like “You’re the one who started”—not like that.

Then how should I say it? How’s the training going for you?

I don’t like it. Training isn’t about liking—it’s just about sleeping………….Are you really okay, though? I miss seeing you so much!

Why? I heard your training is actually a lot of fun? Lots of new experiences piling up? You want to see me? You have the day off today, don’t you? Come on over—we can grab coffee together. My treat! I don’t work anymore anyway, so I’m free all day. I’m doing well.

Really coming? Okay, I’ll call you before I head over, how’s that?

What—you’re going to come over lying about it? Where are you right now?

Alright, I’ll call you this evening. I’m in Savar right now. Heading toward Mirpur in a bit.

What’s happening? Tell me something!

(No answer.)

Oh! Sorry! You’re quite the busy person, aren’t you? So much on your plate! And here I am with nothing to do. It’s terribly hot these days. A lemonade would be nice, I think. Do consider it! There’s a restaurant in Cantonment—a Chinese kitchen place. Opposite the pet shop. Please do make your way there at 7 PM sharp. If you’re late, things will get delayed! So don’t be late! I’ll be there on time. Thank you. If you can’t make it, let me know beforehand. I know you’re busy, but I have nothing else to do. I’ll show up right on the dot!

Oh good lord! Here comes ma’am’s scolding! Okay, okay, ma’am!

Look here, Mister! I’m not some ma’am. I’m Nabi. Just Nabi. You lot are the “sirs” and “ma’ams”—we’re just ordinary people! One more thing. I have a bit of work that’s come up. Could we make it 6 PM instead? Please do make sure of that, sir!

Ma’am, how long can you stay if you come at 6?

Two hours maximum.

Ma’am, should I come?

Yes, sir!

Okay, ma’am!

……………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………

Saw something called “A Matter of Manhood” shared by someone. Pretty well written!

Do you still remember me? Good, good! How are you?

(No answer.)

Just saw it! Wow! Just wow! Congratulations! I knew it would happen! I really did! Take care of yourself!

Congratulations for what?

For coming first.

Thank you! But how did you know? Looks like you keep tabs on things! I checked your timeline. Becoming quite the celebrity these days, I see! A proper idol for the younger generation!

Right.

Hmmmm………

Right.

What are you doing in Satkhira?

Posted here.

How’s it there? Terribly cold, isn’t it?

Not too bad. Same as before?

I came back home. Got here and it’s so cold. Ever since I buried myself under the blanket, I haven’t wanted to come out.

Right.

I’m quite a hopeless sort, aren’t I?

No.

Hahahahahaha

I know that, sir! I’m absolutely hopeless!

I don’t think so.

Truth is, I haven’t really matured myself yet.

Tell me something I didn’t know!

You know so many more things, much better than me!

Oh, drop it!

Uncle, Aunty—how are you both? You’ve gone so slim, I see!

Not so well. How are you?

Not well? Why? How is everyone at home?

I don’t know. When are you getting married?

I don’t even want to think about it. And honestly, I don’t know when my wedding is!

Aren’t you staying at home?

So just because I’m home, I have to rush into marriage? Is this the right time to get married? I’m caught in so much confusion!

Why? Haven’t you liked anyone yet?

Marrying someone you love—that’s not right. If you do that, you’ll suffer your whole life. I’ve seen it happen to so many people!

Why?

It’s the expectations! Don’t you see? The expectations you have from someone you love are always excessive! Always! You could let someone else kill you and you’d smile through it, but if the person you love so much as flicks your ear, it feels unbearable!

Hmm, I see!

When you marry someone you love, it’s their flaws that come out the most.

That’s true too.

Never mind me. When are you getting married?

Nothing’s settled.

Tell me—why does one have to marry at all? Is it really impossible to live without it?

I don’t know!

My mother wasn’t around, so no one ever taught me these things. I never learned to understand them properly.

What you’ve managed to understand, I can’t even begin to fathom!

Ha ha ha ha—you’re absolutely right! I’m really a complete donkey! So tell me—what would be better for me? The civil service exam? Or teaching at a university? Tell me! I don’t feel like taking a job. Bowing and scraping to a boss all day—yes sir, very well sir, absolutely sir! The grind of it all! I could do that too, I suppose!

Just get married, then!

But what if my husband and I don’t get along? Once you’re married, that’s it—you’re done for! Oh God, save me! Actually, you know what? I’ve learned so many things from your perspective on life! Thank you, handsome!

I have nothing more to say. Let’s leave it. Good morning.

Isn’t the sun today just lovely? Hello, beautiful morning! I know you’ll be annoyed with me for asking, but here goes anyway………What should I study for the viva? I practically know nothing, to be honest.
First choice is foreign service. They’re going to tear me apart up there!

Good!

How are you doing?
Are you still in Satkhira?
You did so well, got into the civil service, but what’s the point? They post you so far away! You’re going through such hardship! Can’t you just transfer somewhere closer to home? Here you are, stuck in some village in the middle of nowhere!

How are you?

I’m good.

Where are you now?

Dhaka.

Are you free tomorrow?

Not really. I have an exam in the morning and I have to go to uncle’s place in the afternoon. Why? Are you in Dhaka?

I’m arriving tonight. Should be there by morning tomorrow.

Okay. I can be at the library in the evening. Will you come by? Will you knock on the door when you get to Dhaka?

To get scolded?
I’m coming anyway! I’ll head home on the night bus tomorrow. You should be the one to knock.

Where are you now?

Satkhira.

Why are you at home? Is something going on?

Going to see Mom and Dad.

Oh, that’s nice.

Why don’t you just transfer closer to home? Why all this traveling back and forth? You need to see your parents all the time.

All this traveling is aging me, you know?

Isn’t the water in Satkhira salty? Of course it is! In a couple of days your hair will start falling out, you’ll go bald.
Get out of there quick! Otherwise you’re in for a world of hurt!

Alright then, I’ll knock tomorrow evening.

Have a safe journey. If you want to scold me, you don’t need to knock. I’m sorry if I said anything to hurt you. Take care of yourself, stay well.

You too.

………………………………………………………………

Hope you enjoyed your Valentine’s!

Not really! You doing okay?

Getting by………life goes on! How about you? I went to Dhaka last week. Got mad at you and didn’t call.

I can’t figure out how I’m doing! Why? Why did you get mad at me?

I don’t know.

If you don’t explain, I won’t understand. Because I’m thick as a brick, you know.
Donkeys don’t have to understand much of anything.

You’re no donkey. I noticed something different about you. I liked it. As long as you’re happy, that’s what matters to me.

I’m honestly just stupid like that. I’m not pretending not to understand when I actually do, you know?

No, no, you’ve actually changed a bit. The other day you spoke to me with less edge. I liked that.

I don’t want to hurt anyone deliberately. Every hurt I inflict, I end up inflicting on myself. I’m the one who bears it all. How are you doing? How is everyone at home?

We’re all doing fine.

You’re not an idiot—I am. Honestly, I got so confused about you midway through everything that I just cut off contact. But it’ll all work out. That first time we spent together, I didn’t feel low once. There’s actually a good way to tell who’s meant for you and who isn’t. You know what it is? When you’re around someone and you feel low, you can be sure they’re not for you. But if you don’t feel low, then they are. The way you’ve suddenly changed like this—I really like it.

That’s just how I am! Hahahahahaha

You’re such a good person. Really. But you hurt me so much. That’s even more true! I was so scared I ran away from you. Never said anything. Telling you today. Your name is known at my house, you know!

There’s nobody to hurt you, so I had to do it myself! Are you serious about me?

Yes! Otherwise would my sister come all the way to Dhaka just to see you? Don’t you get it??? I wanted to love you so much, but I was always scared. Ugh! Couldn’t handle it anymore. It’s my failure.

You have a sister? The camera lady?

What do you mean?

What do you mean “what do you mean”?

What do you mean by camera lady?

How smart you are! Didn’t get that? I saw her name in your photo credits, so I was just joking around! One more thing—I’m actually quite qualified and I get scared easily! You’re way over-qualified!

Listen, I hate that kind of talk! What even is “qualified”? My mother knows you really well. Knows you by name, actually!

I’m so ordinary! How does your mother know me? Anyway, are you in Satkhira right now?

(No answer.)

Hello! Where are you? BUUUUSY??

One sec. Someone left a really nasty comment on one of my posts. Just blocking them…………You there?

(No answer.)

Is this how it ends? Okay then. Good night.