The Blue Evening's Offering

All this time I remained before you—yet as someone you disliked, someone who caused you discomfort. Suddenly the time seemed to stretch even longer, you've been turned away for about an hour now. How much irritation shows in your eyes, your face—you've grown wounded by the way I speak or don't speak, by my intentions—though I'll have to bear the entire burden of responsibility for this situation.

I'm thinking, where is there a path to escape from you right now—that there is no path at all, I learned that very first day, of course. You won't find answers to any difficult questions, I'm quite possibly prepared to sever all communication with you.

There's no understanding between us, there never was, how could there be—we've only known each other these few days. Besides, you're not the kind of person to indulge unnecessary emotions. That there would be no emotions, no expectations about me in your mind—this is only natural.

Though we had met once before, that day you had indeed received me with a somewhat unprepared heart, going beyond your familiar rhythm—the whole thing amazed me terribly. Though I've known for quite some time that your patience is many times greater than ordinary people's.

Anyway, later I felt I could have avoided going to such extremes that day. I don't want you to endure me for even one more moment, going against your heart. The astonishing thing happened the very next moment, when before leaving you said—come, hold me close. Keeping me against your chest you said—when you were busy washing your face, seeing you in the mirror filled me with such tenderness.

That even within the word "you" such clear feeling could be hidden, I hadn't known before. Would I ever have known, if you hadn't embraced me in that moment, addressing me as "you"!

Some people come into life, whom perhaps one must give space near oneself, breaking all rules—is this very true? If it's not really true, then how were you able to give me space in your silence? I remember, you said keeping me inside your chest brought such peace. Seeing you become peaceful seemed so magical. Shall I tell you the truth? My heart wanted to love you impossibly.

Listen, you're still the same madman, aren't you? How are you? Today is Friday; this one day each week leaves my heart so restless, for the past two weeks I can't keep track of anything, I'm in some kind of daze, only old memories keep surfacing—that you become terribly busy on this day, you can't be found. You know, this time of mine never seems to end.

Do you remember? We met on some holiday, that day was also Friday. You said I was incredibly dedicated to you, that I would come from so far away, you hadn't imagined! To me it never seemed like much distance at all, that I would come to see you—I couldn't sleep at all that night; I kept thinking, if everything goes right, surely we'll meet tomorrow.

Truth is, I was somewhat afraid to come stand before you face to face, that you're no ordinary person was another reason. Your popularity with people is so much greater, and then you were someone to me—who could only be silently revered from afar.

I have another problem—I don't go near people I like too much; how can I touch someone close up whom I can keep on a mental pedestal from afar! Thinking these thoughts, I see your number floating up on the phone screen. You're saying in a slow voice, how much longer might it take me to arrive. You're waiting.—I said, won't take much longer, coming. Since there was little traffic on the road, you came very quickly. You called several more times asking, how much longer?

One hour late. Who knew the train would stop at the next station for so long! Ugh, feels like the first impression will be ruined.

Hello...! I've reached the station. Where are you? Hmm, I can see it, you'd said your car would be on this side of the bank, so it wasn't hard to find. When I came and sat beside you in the car, you held my hand first, and in that very moment my heartbeat increased so much from seeing you!

Seeing you face to face I couldn't recognize you at all. You're incredibly handsome, simply put. And when I was hearing your voice sitting beside you, how good it felt—that's not possible to explain to you right now.

I had made you very angry once, you were staring into my eyes steadily. Believe me, I don't remember anyone ever looking at me so deeply. Throughout that moment only one thing occurred to me—you probably weren't angry with me, you were trying to understand me. That you're so extraordinary—I would never have known without coming to you.

After that, when I came to you again, then we don't meet for so many days. You're sleeping, I'm trying to bind myself tightly in your breathing from just a little distance, perhaps distance is better for us. Gathering much courage to touch your hand—I did have the fortune for a while of holding myself in your warm embrace. You know, your scent seemed so different; I felt like I wasn't touching your body, as if I'd come to touch your soul itself.

That this would be our last meeting—I had sensed that, of course.