The Ache of Touch

: How much longer will you sleep, Tithi?
: With you sitting beside me, perhaps a lifetime.
: Clouds are gathering in the sky, won't you go home?
: You are my home, don't tell me to leave.
: You crazy girl!
: You are the purest refuge—
I came barefoot,
no dressed-up pretense needed.

: Did you come only to leave? Couldn't you find even a small reason to stay, Neer?
: Who said I found nothing?
: You found something? Really?
: Why are you so foolish, Tithi?
To stay a lifetime with you,
your existence alone is enough.
No separate reason is needed.

: Don't call me close, I won't be able to bear the weight of your warmth.
: Why won't you come close, Tithi?
: What if I said I've seen intensely into your depths—would you accept that?
: How much farther will you keep yourself?
: Far from where, you fool!
I can carry on with life, smiling wistfully through my hurt,
but I cannot live without your touch, Neer.
: Then let me touch and linger today, don't stop me.
: My torn heart has been eaten by moths,
don't make me face devastation,
touching will do no good.

: Today my mind is terribly restless, there's no peace at all.
: Where are you, Tithi?
: In the burnt bookshelf, searching for those diary pages. Everything burned.
: You're searching pointlessly, the last page is with me, come and take it.
: Really? Will you meet me once today, Neer?
Just say the word and I'll come right now.
: Come, I'm waiting.
: I can't find relief from this ache in my heart.
(I feel like nothing but a wanderer)
It's never possible for you to accept me, then why did you increase the attachment by calling me?

- Oh my, how badly you've burned your hand! How much longer will you remain so absent-minded, Tithi?
- Even in my imagination you take such care of me, the fear of losing me often lingers in your eyes.
- I'm a practical person, but you know, Tithi—
I love seeing myself through the eyes of your imagination.

: Sometimes I dream...
Sitting face to face in some secluded coffee shop abroad,
gazing at you steadily.
I often think this, it feels good to imagine.
: Let me come to your dreams every day,
let us meet like this a thousand times.
: You come to my dreams often, Tithi.
And one day I saw—
I was holding you close, caressing you.
Then you left me sleeping and went somewhere, and I felt sad.
That dream... was quite some time ago.

: Why didn't you love me, Neer?
: Do you think I don't love you?
: I don't know. But that you don't cast me away and wound me—that's enough for me.

: Close your eyes, I want to remind you of a fleeting memory today.
: Will you listen for a while? Do you have time?
: Has it ever happened that you wanted to say something and I left without listening?
I've closed my eyes, you speak.
: I can never forget that last meeting, the last moment with you.
When I was drowning in endless pain, you came and stood before me,
gently stroking my head,
pulling me into your chest and caressing me.
Do you remember?
Oh, I first realized then how your touch secretly heals my heart.
I live by imagining that moment again and again, Neer.
Will you believe...?
: Say nothing, I won't be able to accept your rejection.