That's all I ask for

You know, I have a world of imagination. In that world, I fall asleep each night dreaming of you; otherwise, sleep becomes quite mischievous. When I soothe it with thoughts of you, it settles gently into my eyes. When I'm all alone, I keep my gaze turned inward. In my imagination, I walk with you through winter fog, wrapped in winter clothes. When my hands grow cold from walking, I slip them inside your jacket to warm them; and you, with such tender care, let me do exactly what I wish.
 
In my imagination, you're such a good person. You never say no to anything. I know I could never walk like that in reality, so I fulfill that longing in my dreams instead! While walking, I stop beneath some shiuli tree to gather my favorite shiuli flowers; and you hold them to your nose, letting me share their fragrance with you. At night, in an open rickshaw, I wander around with my hand in yours. The night breeze, the streetlights—how enchanting they seem to me! On those nights, we two roam the silent streets in my imagination. The wind comes and tosses your hair and mine, touching us with pure, unblemished peace. Sometimes I fall against you, laughing, and you make faces to tease me... how wonderful it feels!
 
Then again, sometimes I imagine us sitting on a bench by some river under the open sky, drinking tea together. So many people around us! But we don't mind at all. Because in my imagination, we have no fear of being seen. No social constraints bind us, no harsh words, no judgments. You know, even in imagination, I never tire of seeing you, just like in reality. Each time I see you, it feels like the first time. Each time I see you, I fall in love anew. Even if I could keep you before my eyes for a lifetime, my seeing would never end. Every movement of yours, every expression—nothing so beautiful has ever been created in this world!
 
When there are celebrations—say, Eid or Christmas—even then, in my world of thoughts, there are no barriers to reaching you like there are in reality. Then I arrange so many things in my imagination! Like your Christmas, for instance. We're cutting cake together, celebrating life's special day with each other.
This Eid, we celebrated together. We cooked, we ate; in the morning, after bathing, I touched your feet and took my Eid gift with such joy... so many things I do in my imagination! Yet see, in reality, no Eid with you will ever happen for me. In imagination, I fulfill this hope quite well. Imagination has none of reality's limitations! Though every day I see you is Eid for me. Or we'll go together to some relative's house for a feast, we'll talk and laugh so much, chat with everyone; I'll have acceptance before everyone. These are just my imaginings. I know in reality I'll never have such acceptance.
 
But you know, I have no regret about these things. For in my imagination, I am the queen of everything—your heart included! You know, I understand your love not by hearing it with my ears, but by feeling it with my heart. I know this person of mine prefers to make me feel and understand rather than speak it aloud. How could someone without the capacity to feel understand the majesty of your love? Even when we don't speak for long periods, that I sense you deep in my heart—this is my greatest triumph. I need nothing else. Do whatever you wish, let whatever girl come however close to you, at home or outside—I know I dwell in your heart and you dwell in mine. What does it matter, all the socializing, the externalities?
 
You know, only for you, and to bring your child into this world—all my efforts, all my running about are for this alone. The power of your love is so great that I think, when any adverse situation arises in the world, I'll be able to face everything with the strength of your love. This one strength is all I have. When my baby comes into the world, all the negativity around will dissolve before the power of this love. My child will be so wise too, you know! Because he'll be the child of so much love, awareness, patience, sacrifice, and forbearance between his parents! So he too will be able to feel everything just right. Never will any disrespect toward his parents enter him. He's the child of those who have thought outside conventional rules, who have felt the world in extraordinary ways. So he too will come into this world with that gift of feeling by birthright.
 
If this quality isn't there, that's fine too. Because I'll shape him with my own hands. We'll have such a good, golden child, you'll see! In imagination, I teach him so many things! He understands so much, you know! Years later, when you meet him, you'll realize what a wonderful child yours has become! Don't worry, don't think about it. I'll take my child and go far away. You won't have any trouble because of him. We'll have such a good child. He too will understand the reason for everything. But he won't complain, I promise.
 
Look how much I've accomplished with you in my imagination! Is anyone happier than me? People may have you close externally yet never find your heart. I, from so far away, through my heart and mind, have found your heart's secret. I have received your love. There's no greater truth than this for me. I don't need to see anything else in this world. Whenever I'm sad and sorrowful, I'll take comfort in your imagined embrace and start my journey anew. Everything is possible in imagination!
 
Remember one thing—you took away the most precious thing in my life from me. I'll never be able to love anyone else properly again. The place of love is becoming fragmented. Just a shadow of you could have given me so much... if for some reason I have to marry and go to someone, that person will truly have terrible luck—I'll never be able to love anyone else as they deserve. I'm very sensitive, you know. First closeness, first love—everything was with you. If I'm forced to go to a husband's house, believe me, even in the most intimate moments I'll imagine only you. What a horribly painful life that will be for me!
 
Fighting every battle for you would have been possible. When you yourself have abandoned me and left, perhaps fighting all these battles won't be possible for me anymore. Remember, you've given me a life of oceanic sorrow. This is my future, and this is what I've gained from loving so much. I'm very sensitive, so I won't be able to give space in my mind to so much pain at once. Thank you. Find your own peace. Be well.
 
I'm in so much pain. I can't live without you. Don't do this to me. I'm sorry. So very sorry. No mistakes will happen again. But please, respond just a little. I won't need any home or family. I can work happily in other people's homes my whole life, but I can't accept that you're not mine. It's impossible for me to be involved anywhere else.
 
Giving up so easily doesn't suit me. I'll shatter and break from pain, then again accept everything and love only you anew each time. No matter who you stay with, however much you want, believe me, I'll bear it all. I can accept everything. Just let me love you a little. My love won't stop at one word or gesture from you. I don't harbor such fragile love. You don't have to do anything for me. Just let me love you with an open heart. My love cannot be lost; I won't let everything dissolve so easily. Don't separate yourself from me and my love. I'll nurture this within me for life. Please try to be a little normal with me. Be simple and come back to me, I beg you. My dear one, don't hurt me anymore. I'll stay far away, but don't cut yourself off from me. Don't fear, I'll stay distant, but don't push me away.