Struggle and Defeat

There was a time when you believed that just a job—any kind of job—would solve all your problems.

One day you got that job; then you discovered your problems had doubled. Office troubles would spin like a top inside your head, buzzing constantly. Whether you went to sleep, sat down to eat, took a walk, or even faced death, you'd find your mind churning with the office, the boss, and workplace hassles.

To escape loneliness, you decided to marry. You thought to yourself that having a companion would make the journey easier. Then, after marriage, you discovered that your journey had become ten times harder than before. The paths you once walked freely now required someone's permission, explanations, or pointless questioning before you could set foot on them.

Seeing all this, you often wanted to abandon everything and go away somewhere alone. But you couldn't. The greatest tragedy of being able to walk is this: you can't just go anywhere you want.

One day you thought that having children would make life joyful and peaceful. After the children came, you discovered you could no longer sleep peacefully, consumed by worries about them. Where they were going, what they were doing, whether they were making mistakes, whether they were walking down the wrong path, what would happen to them in your absence—these anxieties made your sunny youth crumble like dried leaves, bit by bit.

You, who once didn't care a whit about death, now panic at the slightest cold or cough—thinking about your children's uncertain future without you. Then one day you suddenly realized that even if you desperately wanted to, you could no longer choose to die. Living causes people great suffering; dying causes even greater suffering.

Life is like this. As long as you were in your mother's womb, you were at peace. From the time you left your mother's womb until you gained awareness, understood nothing of the world, you were happy. The day you stepped beyond childhood into life, from that day forward your life would tangle like a derailed thread, growing more twisted each day. The more you tried to untangle the thread, the more snarled it became, forming tight knots.

Then you'd see that liberation eluded you completely—whichever path you took, whichever line you walked; then liberation would exist only in death.

Later, sitting quietly on a rooftop some dark evening, gazing at the sky and sighing deeply, you'd grasp a harsh truth: from the very first day you asked life for something and received it, you essentially began losing happiness, peace, and tranquility.

For those who have nothing, staying alive is very difficult.
For those who have everything, dying becomes very difficult.
The first is called struggle, and the second is called defeat.