Song of Survival

Let me then live thinking you a deceiver, and be done with it,
Let me then live thinking you a hypocrite and thief, and be done with it,
Let me then live thinking you a coward, and be done with it,
Let me today live thinking you a betrayer, and be done with it,
Let me then live thinking you a crocodile in water, and be done with it,
Let me then live thinking you a venomous snake on land, and be done with it,
Let me then take turns thinking you this and that,
Day after day, night after night, and live exactly so,
Let me then live thinking myself a complete fool,
Let me then live thinking myself a wild unknown flower lying by the roadside,
Let me then live thinking myself a fallen woman,
Let me then learn to hate my own love, and live so,
Let me then live thinking myself the weeds of this world,
Let me then live thinking myself cursed,
Let me then live thinking myself a hawk, a bird of fleeting moments,
Let me then think I came here among you all by some mistake,
Let me then think I live in penance for my own errors,
Let me then live thinking myself prey to destruction's cruel grasp,
Let me then live thinking myself time's dark cloud,
Let me then live some kind of life, whatever it may be,
Let me then settle accounts with myself, however I can,
Let me then explain to myself while living that your lives and mine are not the same,
Let me then begin to live my life in my own way,
The life I have denied a hundred times each day,
The life from which I daily try to escape,
The life I never wanted to call my own,
The life that made me think mine would one day be like theirs too,
Let me then shake off all wrong thoughts of this life,
And live exactly this broken life of mine,
This poor and beggarly life of mine.

Still, do not take me to your breast in pity, not even by mistake,
I have lived this long without love,
And perhaps a few more days of this small life will pass in sleep's haze,
Still, let it be as it will, do not give me false love,
Let me die if this loveless life devours me
Bit by bit each day, still let this helpless soul waste away,
I want no pity, no such nature
That turns fickle the moment it's out of sight.

Let me then be lost,
Let me then rot away a little each day,
Who can stop the Creator's will, tell me?
If you ever trust in fate, then know that fate had written just this for me,
This empty life of mine,
Let this empty nest of mine remain a loveless desert,
Still, let no uncertain traveler ever tread this path,
Let only I remain in this world of mine!

Let me then live embracing myself tightly each day,
Let me then live just fine with my own shadow,
Let my room remain in pitch darkness,
Let my eyes see only emptiness from far, far away,
Let my two feet burn and crack and split in summer's scorching sun,
Let my throat dry to wood with thirst, I know, yet I'll not get a single drop of water,
Still I will walk this path,
At the very end of this path, to Him who stands waiting there, I will say,
'My life has passed like life itself,
Whatever I received on this journey,
I have shed it all at the bends of that very path,
Whatever You gave to make this small being of mine Your own,
All of that I accepted willingly, embracing destiny without reserve,
Now my duty to this path is done,
Now then please accept me with grace, O Most Exalted One!'