Bangladesh is quite possibly the only country in the world where such a 'bizarre' and pointless custom as jamai-ador (son-in-law pampering) was born. Why it came to be, I have no idea; and even in this day and age, many families still consider their inability to properly follow and observe this grotesque tradition as their own failing. Under this custom, many families feel uncomfortable even calling their daughter's husband a jamai until they've pampered him to the point of turning him into a complete fool! How so? Let me clarify with examples:
1. There are many families in Bangladesh who, even if they have to borrow money, perform animal sacrifice year after year just to entertain their daughter's husband, to make their daughter seem precious in the eyes of the jamai and his family. In many cases, the daughter's husband, knowing full well the financial hardship of his wife's father's house, devours that sacrificial meat with satisfied belches while driving his in-laws to destitution. In our country, a daughter's happiness in many families depends on who can give the jamai more gifts, more food. Not only that, I've seen cases where even unemployed, worthless, abusive jamais who raise their hands against their wives are not deprived of jamai-ador by their father-in-law and mother-in-law; they still place the fish head on the jamai's plate!
2. Many men in our country suffer from such deep inferiority complex that they judge their respect, honor, and status by how many fish, meat, yogurt, and sweet items are placed before them at their in-laws' house! I mean, along with those food items, they easily chew up and swallow their self-respect too! Of course, there's no need for research to determine whether they actually possess such a sense in the first place!
3. The precious wives don't lag behind in these matters either! It's not just the foolish jamais and in-laws who keep this bizarre tradition alive—the foolish wives of these jamais also play a part. Of course, if you want to survive as the wife of a small-minded jamai, not being equally small-minded and foolish yourself would be quite the crime!
Now let me tell you some true incidents.
Incident 1:
A girl goes to her aunt's house with her husband and family after many days to see her aunt's body. Going to that house of mourning, the girl sees that food has been arranged with "simple" dal and mashed potatoes. Seeing this, the girl becomes furious with rage and indignation and says, 'I might be able to eat this, but couldn't you make special arrangements for your jamai!'
Incident 2:
I went to a relative's birthday party. Chicken biryani had been cooked. Everyone was eating and enjoying. At one point I noticed that beef biryani had been cooked for the house's only jamai instead of chicken. As if serving chicken biryani would dishonor the jamai! Of course, that ox-brained jamai didn't understand that eating something different from what everyone else was eating was actually the dishonor. Seeing such attraction between ox and beef made me laugh heartily that day.
Incident 3:
One girl's jamai stays at his uncle-in-law's house instead of his own in-laws' house. The reason is that in that house, he's served piping hot food straight from the stove. At his in-laws' house, the food cools down a bit by the time it's served, and eating that slightly cooled food apparently doesn't make him feel like the house's jamai at all!
Many more such examples could be given. Look around you with open eyes, and you'll surely see such disgusting affairs.
In our country, daughters' mothers memorize their jamais' likes and dislikes by heart; but very few sons' mothers care to know their daughters-in-law's preferences. These parasitic customs and weed-like "jamais" are truly astonishing. Just for their daughter's happiness, parents shower these worthless people with money, honor, and respect, which makes one's stomach turn when witnessed firsthand!
There are still many scoundrel jamais in household after household who rob their in-laws of everything, considering it their rightful due! I believe the time has come to kick out and eliminate from society the mental torture, financial exploitation, and oppression that has been inflicted on financially struggling innocent people for ages in the name of jamai-ador.
P.S. This strange malpractice exists not only in Bangladesh but in all Bengali-speaking regions.
দাদা আপনার লেখা কে প্রণাম।আপনার অনেক লেখাই পড়েছি,কিন্তু প্রথম এই রচনাতেই কমেন্ট করছি।কারণ এই কুপ্রথার ভুক্তভোগী আমার পরিবার আমার দিদিকে নিয়ে।জামাই একটা হয়েছে বটে,স্ত্রীর মা বাবাকে যে সম্মান করতে হয়,সে সেটাও জানেনা,কিন্তু জামাই ঘরে আসলে আমার মা বাবার তাড়াহুড়ো লেগে যায়,কি করলে জামাই বাবাজি ভালো মনে করবে,সে কি খেতে পছন্দ করে তা রান্না করা,মানে,খুবই বাজে অবস্থা!। আর আমি এটা নিয়ে কথা বললেই মা বলবে,চুপ কর,তুই জামাই আদরের কি জানিস? তাই আজকাল আর কিছু বলিই না,কারণ যে শোধরানোর,সে নিজেই উদ্যোগ নেবে,আর যে নয়,তাকে পুরো দুনিয়া মিলেও বোঝাতে পারবে না।