Something left behind happens too

 
You are, you were, you will remain.
You are not—I cannot even think such a thing…
I haven't learned to think it yet.
You are in these eyes, this laughter, these tears.
My busyness or leisure, right or wrong…you are in everything!
You exist in memory, you exist in forgetting too…
It's easier to die than to forget you.


Sometimes the regret grows more intense,
when I see you love someone else.
The very next moment I console myself, calm myself down.
I tell my heart, listen, you fool! What do you even have…
would she love you back?
There are many people who love you far more than I do,
let's just accept that!
But tell me, don't they too feel the same exhaustion as I do
after loving you for five years…without any self-interest?


Loving you so well,
I have never become anyone else's even now.
Did we have any commitment then?
We didn't! What existed was all mine—one-sided!
You belonged to someone else, as you still do.
I never mistakenly sought any claim or right!
If I had wanted something, I would have asked for it
long before you got married!
If I didn't want anything then, why would I want it now, tell me!
And even if I wanted it, what could you give?


If I truly must want something, there's only one thing I'd want today!
Just let me love you, never say 'no' even by mistake.
Don't take this little bit away from me! You'll give it, won't you?
If you can't even do that, then tell me honestly!
I won't love you anymore then! Would that make you happy?
Then stay happy. Your happiness matters more to me!


I love this boy so much…whom I'll never have! Does it make sense?
Whether by mistake or by choice, however it happened—I do love you!
Nothing more, I just wanted to cry a little with my head on your chest…you didn't even allow that!
It's not needed! Keep someone else there instead…your beloved.
I'll stay somewhere else…


We don't meet…it's been so many days…
You have time for everyone, only when it comes to me you're terribly busy!
I remember, we didn't meet last time either…
You had time for everyone every day,
only when it came to me you were busy!
You had some leftover time…you called me.
I didn't go even then! Never meet me alone, not even by mistake,
don't ask me to come close…I'm not afraid anymore!


The little time that makes you happy when you give it to others,
so that you could give even that to her that day,
understanding this, I didn't go. Did you understand?
Others are more precious than me…understanding this, I gave up
space, time…everything. After fighting so many battles with myself,
gathering courage, I didn't go to trouble you needlessly!


Have you ever loved someone intensely in your life?
Do you know what the pain of not having feels like?
I truly understand it from within!
Do you know where the difference lies between you and me?
Whoever you love, you keep wanting to make them yours,
but here…I love you, which means this…
I deeply want whatever you desire, whatever you have—
let it all be just as your heart wishes!
I never want, not even by mistake…that you should want only me!


You saw it…how I smiled watching you right in front of me!
Your wedding happening, another person placing hands in yours…seeing it all
I accepted it! Doing such a thing isn't easy at all! You know why I could?
I could only for one reason—thinking that your happiness is my happiness!


Just the other day you told me…
you don't keep any of my words close to your heart!
Why would you, tell me?
Have you ever kept me in your thoughts even for a moment?
In a heart where I have no place, how could my words find space?


One day I'll go far away…you'll see…surely!
Never again will I say…I love you so much!
My letters won't reach any inbox anymore.
It's very easy to forget someone in an instant,
whom you never kept in your heart anyway!
What exists in this heart, only God knows!


How else can I love you
so that I become only yours?
Will you tell me that path?
I know you don't love me.
I'm not asking you to love me either.
You don't love me, but don't misunderstand.
You've left no path open
to keep you well, to love you well!
Yet even today, the meaning of love…is still 'you' to me!


Just as you never keep me in your thoughts,
likewise…all the mistakes I've made,
have you kept those mistakes away too? Have you removed them?
I remember, on your birthday, the children and I together
kept you in our prayers?
My heart may be a little more
tainted than the children's hearts, but know that my love is pure!
God loves children, so He will hear their prayers.
I love you, so my prayers won't go unanswered either.


You never asked for my photograph, you only chat in the inbox.
Why would you ask? I'm not that beautiful to look at.
What can I do, tell me! I didn't create myself,
I had no hand in that!
But I am good, you know? Truly good.
Look closely once, you'll understand completely.
Some people find even this unbeautiful person beautiful,
they call me good, they see the good in me.
Yet the one I want sees no good in me,
doesn't find me beautiful to look at.


What can be done! The one who feels good to look at,
who feels good to think about, who feels good to be near,
love that person well.
This insignificant life of mine…will pass through struggle and suffering!
Somehow! In your neglect, in my love…it will pass!