Solitary Consolation

Tell me, beloved, does your train of sorrows no longer come?
Do you weep like me when all you love calls to the distance, mistaking it for their own?
They see you with vacant eyes,
bind you in their mind's casual play,
happiness feeds on your grief—
how then do you find reason to live?
What are you to them? Like me? So trivial?
To your heart's thousand calls, they won't respond even by mistake?
When your terrible anguish makes them laugh terribly in their ignorance, how does it feel?
Do you grasp the world tight, does darkness fall all around?
When breath catches in your throat, do you desperately want to live?
Do you too lose your way and keep walking down wrong roads?
Each evening do you tear through sky searching for sky? Pierce sky to understand sky?
Do restless days slip by? Do seconds drain uncounted? Do you keep counting how much you're still alive?
Does joy lose all its color when sorrow calls?
Does pain approach, extending its hand like a friend?
Have your tears also dried up? Do agonies merge with your blood?
Does your whole body turn blue in an instant?
Does a river of pain stay awake all night in your chest?
Does pain grow into mountains and cascade like waterfalls?
Do heaps of memory wake new pain with fresh intensity?
When consciousness fails at any moment, who calls you back?
Do love's words seek paper, bury their faces—shall we burn them?
Does fire burn in your chest? Does the warm blanket of feeling turn to ash?
Night after night passes...sleep won't come?
Eyes don't cry but the heart weeps in wounded pride?
Do you wish to suddenly become 'nothing'?
Morning and evening, lost in trance, do you call all your beloveds near?
Does it happen that no one comes, not even falsely?
When your beloved actually comes close in your mind's delusion, do you send them away?
Do you stop running buses to board them?
With desperate eyes, forgetting fatigue, do you search for roads?
In love's cruel trap, perhaps life weeps just like this.
 
The farther I push away self-interest,
the more love burns, alas!