Soliloquy in Formation

 I beg you! Don't go away.
 Let there be no meeting, no words spoken,
 just sitting nearby, a little apart,
 let all pretexts for touching fingers stay hidden,
 let nothing happen at all—just as before!
 Only stay, remain close,
 when endless time surrounds us...
 In the city courtyard's quiet corner, lost in your own thoughts
 you've merged with the secret wall!
 This staying within the heart, what feeling—no one will ever know it like I do!
 The wind and streets of this city wrapped around your body,
 you're flying, walking magnificently...
 Foolish me
 I run and run, the balcony trembles
 again and again...
 All the wild wind
 I kiss and gather,
 because you're mingled there
 the wind burns, keeps burning with primal jealousy...
 They have touched you properly; I could not.
 Their bodies float endlessly in your fragrance,
 the wind grew drunk embracing your warmth,
 the wind's wine makes me dance in fierce intoxication.
 I draw you deep into my chest with each breath,
 wishing that exhalation would stay in my chest—
 let one lifetime's fierce claim remain trapped—in love or in passion. 
 In your scent the air trembles,
 in the air your scent trembles,
 heart and body tremble together in skillful harmony.
  
 What happened? Are you afraid? Will you flee? Keep me farther than before?
 Foolish boy!
 Fine, keep me away, but listen now!
 Don't think I won't torment you,
 where will I find such a chance again?
 Life with such a firm hand
 steals away all our time!
 These few fingers that play,
 when thoughts come to the mind's corner,
 to bind and keep this self,
 the delay in learning isn't as much as you think.
 Remember this!
 I write you down,
 walk my fingers through your tenderness,
 tremble and shake in your memory,
 if only you knew 
 what longing I earn as punishment
 writing you, thinking of you, calling you...
 Selling sorrow, buying sorrow at fierce prices in addiction to you.
 This fool!
 Frowning, eyes squinting like that,
 don't you think!
 If I see that irritation I'll punch you later,
 flatten your nose!
  
 Why do you forbid me from writing, tell me?
 It's not as if I'm perfectly fine just by writing!
 Then why are you so angry?
 My pain makes you laugh—there's joy in that too! That's the truth!
 Pushing me away, you're quite well, aren't you, darling?
 That day will come, you'll see the day
 when everything around is so empty,
 you'll lose yourself in your own self!
  
 I'm scolding myself quite a bit, aren't I?
 Don't be angry, my dear, my head isn't right.
 I don't want love, just give me peace.
 If you won't give love, give me at least a little calm.