Soliloquy from the Dark Room

 The world is not well, not one bit,
 No one here fares well,
 The world where one could be well—lost long ago!
  
 Sometimes I think so deeply,
 Let me buy a splendid heaven,
 You'll be there, I'll be there, and with us
 Some love, and the endless sky.
  
 The world is not meant for happiness,
 Yesterday I was fine, today I'm not,
 Today I'm fine, tomorrow comes and where am I fine!
 This is life! Who is happy, tell me?
 Death is certain, yet it brings sorrow,
 Why do you think so much with such fanfare, all in vain?
  
 What pains us most, we call it death,
 Yet every day, touching death, we rise up living by mistake!
 As if to live we must die so much,
 As if to touch joy we must find sorrow.
 Tucking roses in your hair,
 I hide the blood of thorn wounds with a smile.
 Where the banyan roots race and finally stop,
 That deep the pain hides
 And laughing, I say, I'm quite well!
  
 You don't understand, when evening falls,
 Why the wind's current rushes so wildly,
 Why the spring clouds weep and sob at this hour,
 I'm very well, aren't I, tell me?
 Who in this world fares well, alas!
 Now I see, in trying to be well one remains unwell,
 When the illusion of wellness fades, everyone lives so poorly!
  
 I remember, did I love so much?
 In return I suffered, yet still I loved terribly!
 You left! Abandoning everything, you left!
 How it feels to become empty, I never knew before!
 I loved only you so deeply,
 In such futile waiting seconds turn—as if years pass!
 How it feels when this happens, who could know!
 Had I known, would I have courted death so eagerly?
  
 No one else ever walked through my thoughts,
 Blind in love I was; I thought so, I want only you—if needed, I'll give my very life!
 Storms raged in my chest with love for you...
 You returned, alas! Groping, I find your return in sorrow's blue mask!
 Hours passed as before, I could never be well again!
 Returning doesn't bring back life.....there are always other rules, other ways of being well!
  
 I would have lived receiving just a little love! Alas, even that wasn't there!
 There was neglect and pity....you came well indeed! Said to my face, this is what you deserve, know it!
 One who loves—a beggar's heart!
 Bearing pain and hurt, still returns just the same!
 Unearned suffering is easier than forgetting love!
  
 No suffering—is that even human?
 Being human means suffering comes as bonus!
 I used to think, whether I get anything else or not,
 In return for love I'll at least get some pain!
 Enough now, my desire is satisfied! Such great desire is beyond ability!
  
 What seemed woven deep in my chest, fire flowed in intimate ache,
 I only felt, surely now you'll love me well,
 Draw me close, say laughing, hey, listen! Are you well?
 You never loved me well! What happens when one loves well, tell me?
  
 I wanted a human and got a doll!
 Nothing else, I wanted only you—there's no greater truth than this!
 Losing, I understand, there's no greater mistake than this!
 How much of this heart you occupied, you never knew!
 With a sound mind no one loves that much,
 That's why call me mad!
 If love is madness,
 Not loving well but keeping a madman—what is that then?
  
 The pain of not being able to explain is greater than the pain of not understanding,
 Even this you didn't understand...what need was there!
 Understanding would only bring more pain!
 This heart's courtyard—whoever wanted it, I turned away claiming you,
 To be true in your love I never fell bound in any other love,
 Let alone love, even liking never came!
  
 I've heard, men's love comes through the body, there the mind grows pale!
 As they change clothes, they find another lover when one is gone!
 That primitiveness only suits men, everyone says!
 Then why did you become like this? By what rule?
 Love seeks no excuse,
 The day you left, so many pretexts!
 I said nothing, only smiled,
 You never loved me well—I understood so well,
 Knowing everything I still loved...losing is simple—like suffering!
  
 You just left...how easily!
 You're quite well in another home!
 One wish only—still, be well with peace!
 When I babbled like a madman, "Hey, I love you!"
 You'd laugh hearing it, didn't you, so much?
 Don't you see, explaining to her is terrible foolishness!
 Letting go of hands is quite an art!
 Learning it as early as possible is best!
  
 What did I gain, tell me, loving so much?
 That you've gone, it's well that happened...
 The earlier burning is sweeter than the later!
 Wanting only love,
 I lost everything!
 Desires died in their own unwillingness,
 How did you return it with empty hands!
  
 I'll embrace closely with these two arms!
 Whatever thirst the heart holds, I'll quench it!
 In the blink of an eye lips will tremble hundreds of times!
 With one touch I'll settle this life's debt in this very birth!
 In dream-weaving such happiness—nothing came to pass...when you left!
  
 Whenever I reached, you pushed away carelessly,
 Would loving well have caused such harm?
 Whatever desires I had, dreams I had, inspiration I had—
 All burned in your play!
 You murdered love deliberately like a murderer!
 They loved and found their beloveds,
 What was my fault that I found a killer?