Self-Imposed Pain-Extinguishing

 
Do you know how it feels to walk with conscience as your chain?
That day when you placed me right in the middle
of that ocean of questions, making me stand in two boats at once,
all my suppressed tears, my unspoken feelings
caught in such torment…
All my answers, one by one, came rushing
to crash upon the shores of your questions!


Why are you like this?
If you were going to call me, why did you leave
the door of departure wide open? Why didn't you bind me
even a little with threads of claim or
obligation? Then what remains, tell me,
of your love's glory?


Beloved, when I look deep into those eyes, do I find
only mist? Are your arms so indifferent
because you never thought to hold me close?
Will they not lovingly draw
the dawn from the moon's heart
tonight?


The society that tramples over human blue-life
with its ugly face, the society that never
sought the deep anguish of your existence,
where religious practice costs more than humanity,
where a child's birth gets more affection
than the child itself—
I learned to despise that society
from you. Have you forgotten?


Since when have you begun
to care for that very society
that knows only our names,
nothing of our hearts' depths!


I love you!
The rebellious form of my love
is not unknown to you…
Your caste, your society, your birth—
I didn't come to you, beloved,
with fear of losing to these superficialities!


Does love truly weigh on the scales of rules?
There, I know, only society weighs,
along with some small change
that makes no difference when thrown away.
Suddenly, in what spell are you gazing toward those very scales?


After everything, something of one's own remains.
Above all prejudice, even after accepting all customs,
something eternally settled always stays!
Life always keeps something for itself.
Should I assume you haven't kept me there either?


Why do you seek sacrifice?
How much have I truly been able to win you, tell me?
Even after spending lifetimes in the prayer room,
couldn't you tell the distance between offering and grace?
Just when I stand at the turning point of the final path,
don't ask me to accept everything…
It hurts me so!


I have always opened the windows of my own home with my own hands.
They all only recognize me, never truly know me…
If such people take you away from me,
what remains of my death, tell me?
Rather than that, burn me to death in the guise of accepting me!