How many times tears have fallen from my eyes waiting for you— I can't even remember.
Waiting for you, sitting heavy-hearted every single day, 'Tomorrow I'll send another message... maybe she'll soften, maybe her heart will change...' So many, many times I've fallen asleep consoling myself with these hopes.
Waiting for you, how many nights I've spent wide-eyed like morning light, sleepless till dawn— no one knows the count, not even I... no.
Waiting and waiting for you, I've learned to grow— grow in society's eyes... grow in temperament... sounds poetic, doesn't it? Look here! Staying in wait for you, I've even discovered the whole world of poetry!
Now I know perfectly well when to read Murakami, and when to reach for Shahid Quadri! You try to frighten me? What fear is that, tell me?
Actually, waiting and waiting for you, I've forgotten how to spell fear altogether. Ha ha... The girl whom entire families together couldn't get to sit with books— your waiting has made that same girl write page after page, unstoppable.
Do you know this news? You don't. Why would you care? Do they broadcast lovers' news on television? They only show rising prices of rice and lentils, corpses dead from corona. As long as corpses stay alive, who keeps track? And who broadcasts such news!?
Listen, careful now—don't mistake this for resentment, though I know you couldn't care less about such things! The luxury of resentment— would a banker like you ever indulge in that!?
When I went to the sea to forget waiting for you, hearing my story, even the poor sea wept and overflowed. Only I saw it. No one else.
Waiting for you, I've learned to hold myself. Wrapping myself tight in my own arms, caressing myself—it used to make me laugh. But now it feels quite nice. Running my own fingers through my hair feels so soothing.
Listen to this. Only I know how many nights of waiting have left me breathless, how many nights I've spent just tossing and turning in bed.
I actually sat down to write this letter to tell you all these things. But I can't write anything!
Tell me, have I swallowed the words? Or have the words swallowed me?