Prayer for Hatred

 I understand you—and that's the danger.
 The more I've known you, the more I've grasped—
 not everyone can be understood.
 If only I had never understood you, I'd have been spared!
 Beloved, because I understand you, I suffer, I am destroyed.
  
 Don't you know me?
 I am the one you keep so well bound in hatred,
 the uninvited who waits at your door,
 whom you scheme to keep distant,
 yes, I am that one!
 It's alright, beloved, strike me as you will—I can endure it.
  
 I live on your hatred,
 let hatred grow as it pleases in my portion,
 but don't strike anyone else this way,
 is everyone else "me," tell me?
 I live on all the world's hatred,
 what does your small measure of hatred matter?
 I will bind you with love,
 you bind me with hate.
  
 Your hatred—how magnificent it is!
 That I exist—does that burn you so?
 I understand it all! Yet I will remain for eternity.
 All your nightmares and night's shadows,
 all the mockery and fears that bind you—
 I'll wrap them around this body with fierce stubbornness,
 just to keep you safe, I'll endure it all!
  
 I am the world's ship of sin,
 I'll steal your lies and make them mine,
 all the corrupted seeds you've sown in mental folly,
 all the mistakes you'll make, forgetting in the future,
 whatever sins lie stone-heavy in your house—
 send them to this ship,
 I'll carry all of one life's mistakes laughing on these shoulders!
  
 Let your sorrows be mine alone,
 let the joy remain yours,
 give me all your despair.
 In exchange, I'll weave dreams of happiness in your eyes,
 I'll float you away in an ocean of bliss, trust me.
 All your sorrowful dreams will play in my home, you'll see!
 Only this plea—don't cast me away,
 nothing else, just bind me in hatred!
  
 What's this, beloved! You're crying!
 What regret floods your mind, what torrent?
 Stop the storm in your heart, beloved,
 or your world will become hell!
 I kneel here, open your eyes and see,
 give me all your unhappiness, I'll receive it with open hands—
 this is my heart's desire.
 All the world's suffering combined seems less
 when I see you weep!
 I won't seek happiness from you,
 nothing else—pour out pain, give sorrow,
 keep me boundless in hatred.
  
 Behind that grave, in the filthy earth,
 even darkness lies coiled and hidden there,
 there the rejected and failed lives have made their home,
 you'll find me there, beloved—a pain-conquering mad youth,
 whose heart dances counting time!
 Drunk on your curses in all fierce deeds,
 whom you've pushed against an impenetrable wall—
 to a distant island.
  
 I will be refuge for all the world's sick and diseased,
 give me all your secret aches—I'll hold them pressed tight to my chest!
 I'll weep in pain, but never break,
 I'll bow under the weight, but never lose.
 I won't stop on the path under your burden of sin,
 know that this mind's power is infinite!
 I won't step aside before seeing the final scene—I swear by your name!
  
 All that's cursed and evil—all of it mine!
 I swallow darkness and scatter light,
 I grow stronger on your hatred!
 I keep vigil at hell's gate,
 diving in cool darkness into fathomless seas, I search for pearls!
 My heart is my prison—who has the power to bind me?
 Whatever mistakes this life holds—let them pierce like thorns—no regret!
 O beloved heart, even when love runs out, carefully preserve your hatred!
  
 However much you neglect me, I don't care, I'll survive just fine!
 At day's end, I ask only this—
 if ever God shows me mercy,
 if I find shelter at His feet in that life,
 that day forgive me,
 don't keep me alive in hatred anymore.
 The one you couldn't love in life,
 grant liberation even in death—from the fire of your hatred!
 ...Keep this prayer of one failed youth.