Play

 
If I could fall like falling stars,
how wonderful that would be! But what can one do
when born human, one must die human too!
No one keeps road dust arranged at home—
rather, they sweep it away, constantly bidding it farewell.


Tell me, what difference is there between me and a grain of sand?
Am I worth even a little more than that grain?
With worth less than a single grain of sand,
I have found my place in your life!
I have come to know that in your life
I arrived without even the value of an ordinary stone.


At the start, life handed me a blank envelope,
but when I went to write the address, I realized everything was already written—
only the burden of acting had fallen on my shoulders.
The more skillful one is at this performance, the more victorious.
If you ever think you've grown weary of performing,
if you think perhaps it's time to summon death,
then that day...knock softly at this door...!
I will take you in with utmost tenderness!
Whatever you need, even then, I'll give you just that much.
This life has filled me only with abundance,
and that abundance won't run out till death.


Sometimes fatigue descends disguised as sleep,
then I sink into deep slumber, lost in dreams...
Dreams sometimes become so real...they don't seem like dreams at all!
Suddenly, I wake!
I see that I was actually dreaming of being awake all this time!
Though even in that dream's spell, countless times I wondered...this isn't a dream, is it?


This time the dream was different.
It kept me completely intoxicated!
When the spell broke, I realized this snake looked different,
terribly neat, strangely beautiful somehow!
I had embraced, mesmerized, the finest snake I'd seen in this life,
forgetting that at day's end, a snake is still a snake!
It is a snake's nature to bite, to strike!
Along with this I learned that walking through life,
I had hoped for far too much!
I had dared to dream like a madman,
...perhaps, without my mind even knowing!


No, I will never take back my words!
Whatever comes to a beggar's home must be accepted!
Now the spell has broken,
I understand the performance must be mastered even better!
Because in the hands of the needy,
there's only one life to waste!
Just one life,
...if properly wasted, one can live quite well!


I played chess well in school,
won many times too.
From then I've known the queen's only job is to keep the king alive,
or you could say this too—
in the most difficult moment, when enemies surround from all sides,
only the queen can save the king!
So let me perform the checkmate this time!
Though I know I'm not a queen, haven't the slightest chance of becoming one...
actually, I lack that qualification entirely!
Yet having mistakenly sat on your queen's throne,
well...I've accepted the responsibility!


I know you don't believe in a Creator.
But I have walked by that Creator's signals,
or you could say I no longer have patience
to start the old game over and over, to keep it going.
Truth is, I'm truly exhausted now!
Besides, I've come to know that more than this
was never written in my fate or decree.


But I never wanted sorrows to force themselves on my shoulders like this!
Did I ask for it?
Then it's clear that not everyone has to summon sorrow—
some forcibly call it,
to some it comes all by itself!
Truly, I will completely crumple and crush this life now,
I promise!


The sun of my city has set forever.
Here there's no sun, no light, no pain.
Even in pitch darkness I've walked this far on life's road,
sometimes fortunately finding a lamppost's light,
sometimes a storm has come and extinguished the lamp,
yet walking has never been difficult for me.
So many storms come, just one question—
the storm that comes and sweeps everything away in an instant,
why does it still leave me behind?


Are my feet bound by some invisible chain, do you know?
That chain forces me to walk only within set boundaries!
I seem to circle round and round the same circle...
because I never changed my path!
No matter where you start from on a circle,
the end will still be within this circle!


Sometimes I get terribly irritated thinking
what a monotonous life I'm spending on this straight line!
Sometimes life bends down below that straight line,
or returns to that same line again,
that line never bends upward, not even by mistake!
But where does this line end? Does it even have an end?
I still don't know.
How much one must endure living without knowing!


For more than a decade now, I've learned to walk alone.
Yet even after crossing a decade,
where has my fear of walking alone gone!
I'll have to walk the rest of the path alone too...
Do you know what I keep thinking now?
If death came right now, I'd be so relieved!
With such a huge burden of life loaded on my shoulders
I no longer want to go alone...to that coffin!


Alas, how I live like one already dead!
I don't even know how the living live.
I learned so many things, except how to live
in a way that resembles living...!
When you already know that the game you're playing
has nothing called victory at its end,
...and rewards? That question doesn't even arise!...
Then tell me, what would you want to do? Keep playing?


In my case, from now on just assume that entirely unwillingly
I'm merely dragging the game along...
Even after assuming this, if you still have
any complaint against me,
then forgiving me will be very easy!


Somewhat forcibly
I've kept faith in the Creator alive all these years!
I was told, believe in the Creator, so I did.
I was told, obey your parents, so I did.
I was told, keep faith in love, so I did.
I was told, don't lose faith in humanity, so I didn't.
I was told, follow love's path, so I did.
I'm spending my whole life as some kind of boringly obedient person...!


If everything is lost all at once now,
if along with everything, faith in the Creator is also lost—
perhaps that too will go as it goes, that's what I think...!
Let it go! Let everything go! What's the point of thinking so much!
No, don't console me by saying this again—
all those prayers are accumulating!
The accounts will balance and you'll receive them in time!
Look, I have nothing left worth holding onto,
nothing to lose except this life.


Life now seems to me like a pack of cards,
what else could this life be besides that?
Since I've sat down to play,
the game will end as I keep making moves,
at life's end the last card will also be spent...that's all!
Yet look, did I ever know...that
to live, one must gamble with life itself as the stake!