Plaster on the Wall of Thoughts: 111

 Thought: Seven Hundred Seventy-One

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 One. In an interview, Shah Rukh Khan once said, 'I have everything, everyone is there, yet sometimes I feel terribly alone.'

 This incredibly successful man, carrying on his shoulders the burden of happiness, security, fame, and abundant wealth, secretly suffers from profound loneliness!

 Marilyn Monroe. Beauty, talent, wealth, success, popularity—even amidst all this abundance, something was missing in this exquisite woman. The person who had effortlessly and proudly conquered the entire Hollywood empire—her whole life was dominated by terrible loneliness! To escape this dreadful solitude, Monroe ultimately chose suicide.

 Suffering loneliness in a crowd is a thousand times more agonizing than suffering loneliness when no one is around.

 When you suffer loneliness because no one is around, you can go to some beloved gathering and dispel the solitude, but when you suffer loneliness even in a crowd, there is no escape anywhere in the world, nothing can save you.

 This is why humans fear loneliness far more than death itself.

 Perhaps this is why, at the moment of death, every human being clutches tightly whatever they find around them, whoever they find, holding on with clenched fists. Why? Because at the time of death, humans want someone beside them; they want someone to hold their hand firmly and sit nearby, to comfort them in their final moments.

 More than death, it is the loneliness after death that keeps humans afraid. People fear taking on the solitude of an unknown world. Humans always want someone beside them—not for security, but to escape isolation.

 Human life itself is a labyrinth.

 Some hide tears behind laughter, some cover sorrow with the veil of happiness, while others perform the perfect act of being well. Guru Bachchu's song keeps coming to mind... in truth, no one is happy.

 There is only one place where everyone in the world shares a deep similarity; that is, we are all alone, terribly alone.

 Rich or poor, successful or failed. Everyone is alone.

 The refugee lying in a corner of the street is as terribly alone as the big saheb lying in his well-appointed air-conditioned room.

 The world is filled with seven and a half billion people, yet the distance from one person to another seems like thousands of light-years. Every human being appears alone, destitute—the chest of modern man is as empty as a black hole.

 Two. Nostalgia is when the moment tries to escape from the memory to happen again and fails.

 Remembering is when, even without authorization, your thought presents a chapter.

 Anguish is a very tight knot in the middle of peace.

 Worry is a glue that does not let you rest for what has happened out of your scope.

 Indecision is when you know what you want, but you think you should want something else.

 Certainty is when the idea gets tired of searching and stopping.

 Intuition is when your heart skips in the future and comes back fast.

 A suspicion is when you see a movie trailer that may not even exist.

 Shame is a black cloth that you want to cover yourself with at a tough time.

 Anxiety is when there are always many minutes left for whatever it is.

 Interest is an exclamation or a question mark at the end of the feeling.
Feeling is the language the heart uses when it needs to send a message.

Anger is when the dog that lives in you shows its teeth.

Sadness is a giant hand that grips your heart.

Happiness is a train now in no hurry.

Friendship is when you don't care about yourself and lend yourself to others.

Guilt is when you think you could have done it differently, but you generally couldn't.

Lucidity is a fit of madness in reverse.

Reason is when care takes advantage of the emotion that is sleeping and assumes the mandate.

Will is a desire that makes you think that it is his home.

Passion is when despite the word "danger" the desire arrives and enters.

Love is when passion has no other commitment.

No ... Love is overkill ... neither.

A flood, a worldview, an insanity, an outburst, a nonsense, a lack of control, a need, a detachment?

Maybe because it doesn't make sense, maybe because it has no explanation.

This thing of love, I can't explain.
Reflection: Seven Hundred Seventy-Two

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One. I don't want someone who dies in love with me ... I just need someone who lives for me, who wants to be with me, embracing me.

I don't demand that someone love me as I love them, I just want them to love me, no matter how difficult it may be. I do not claim that all the people I care for must care for me in return ...

Not that I lack what they offer me, the important thing for me is knowing that at some point I was irreplaceable ...

And that moment will be unforgettable ...

I just want my feeling to be valued.

I always want to be able to have a smile on my face, even when the situation is not very pleasant ...

And for my smile to transmit peace to the people around me.

I want to be able to close my eyes and imagine someone ... and be absolutely certain that person also thinks of me when they close their eyes, that they miss me when I'm not around.

I wanted to be sure that despite my flaws and follies, someone values me for what I am, not for what I possess ...

Who sees me as a complete human being, who never takes excessive advantage of the good feelings that life offers, who values what truly matters about my feelings ... and doesn't play with them.

And may that someone ask of me that I never change, that I never grow weary, that I always remain myself.

I don't want to fight with the world, but if that ever happens, I want to have enough strength to show it that love exists ...

That love is superior to hatred and resentment, and that there is no victory without humility and peace.
I want to be able to believe that even if I fail today, tomorrow will be another day, and if I don't give up on my dreams and purposes, maybe I will succeed and be fully happy.

May I never let my hope be shaken by pessimistic words...

May hope never seem to me like a NO that people insist on painting green and understanding it as YES.

I want to be able to have the freedom to say what I feel to a person, to be able to tell someone how special and important she is to me, without having to worry about others... Without running the risk of hurting one or more people with this feeling.

I want, one day, to be able to tell people that nothing was in vain...

That love exists, that it is worth giving to friendships and people, that life is beautiful, yes, and that I have always done my best... and that it was worth it.
Two. I have already hidden a love for fear of losing it, I have already lost a love for hiding it.

I have already held someone's hands out of fear, I have been so scared, to the point of not even feeling my hands.

I have already expelled people I loved from my life, I have already regretted it.

I have spent nights crying myself to sleep, I have gone to sleep so happy, to the point that I couldn't even close my eyes.

I have already believed in perfect loves; I have discovered that they do not exist.

I have loved people who let me down, I have let people down who loved me.

I have spent hours in front of the mirror trying to find out who I am, I have been so sure of myself, to the point of wanting to disappear.

I have already lied and regretted it later, I have already spoken the truth and I also regretted it.

I have already pretended not to give importance to the people I loved, only to cry quietly in my corner later.

I have smiled while crying tears of sadness; I have cried with laughter.

I have already believed in people who weren't worth it, I stopped believing in people who were really worth it.

I have had fits of laughter that I couldn't control.

I have broken plates, cups and vases, with anger.

I have missed someone so much, but I never told them.

I have screamed when I should have shut up, I have shut up when I should have screamed.

Many times, I stopped saying what I think to please some, other times I said what I didn't think to hurt others.

I have already pretended to be what I am not to please some, I have already pretended to be what I am not to displease others.

I have already told jokes and more terrible jokes, just to see a friend happy.

I have already invented stories with a happy ending to give hope to those in need.
I have already dreamed too much, to the point of confusing it with reality ... I was already afraid of the dark, today in the dark "I think, I crouch, I stay there".

I have fallen several times thinking that I would not rise, I have risen numerous times thinking that I would not fall.

I've already called whom I didn't want just to not call whom I really wanted.

I already ran after a car, because it took away, whom I loved.

I already called for Mom in the middle of the night fleeing a nightmare. But she didn't show up and it was a bigger nightmare.

I have already called people close to "friend" and discovered that they were not ... Some people never had to call anything and they always were and will be special to me.

Don't give me the right formulas, because I don't expect to get it right.

Do not show me what is expected of me, because I will follow my heart!

Don't make me be what I'm not, don't invite me to be the same, because I'm honestly different!

I don't know how to love in half, I don't know how to live with lies, I don't know how to fly with my feet on the ground.

I'm always myself, but I certainly won't be the same forever!

I like the slowest poisons, the bitterest drinks, the most powerful drugs, the most insane ideas, the most complex thoughts, the strongest feelings.

I have a voracious appetite and the wildest delusions.

I've learnt when not to fight even if the whole world pushes me to fight.
Reflection: Seven Hundred Seventy-Three

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One. When you meet someone and that someone stops your heart from working for a few seconds, pay attention: it can be the most important person in your life.

If your eyes meet and, at this moment, there is the same intense glow between them, be alert: it may be the person you've been waiting for since the day you were born.

If the touch of the lips is intense, if the kiss is passionate, and the eyes fill with water at this moment, notice: there is something magical between you.

If the first and last thought of your day is that person, if the desire to be together gets to squeeze the heart, be thankful, God sent you a gift: Love.

So, pay attention to the signs --- do not let the follies of everyday life blind you to the best thing in life: LOVE.

Two. The guy says he loves you, so yeah. He loves you.

Your wife says she loves you, so that's it.

You know you are loved because you were told that, the three magic words. But knowing oneself loved is one thing, feeling loved is another one, a difference of miles, an enormous space for anguish to settle.
Showing love requires more than kisses, sex and verbalization, although we don't dream of anything else: if the guy kisses, fucks and says he loves me, have holy patience, will I want him to make a blood pact too?
Pacts. I think that's it. Not blood or anything that can be seen and touched. It is a silent pact that has the strength to keep things rooted, a pact of eternity, even if destiny will one day divide the path of the two.
Feeling loved is feeling that the person has a real interest in your life, that you care for your happiness, that you care when things are not working out, that you suggest ways to improve, that you are ready to listen to your doubts and which gives you a shake up, in case you're delusional. "Don't be so hard on yourself, relax a little. I'll bring you a glass of wine."
To feel loved is to see that she remembers things you told two years ago, to see her try to reconcile you with her father, to see how sad she is when you are sad and how to smile gently when she says what you are doing a storm in a teacup. "Remember that when I went through this you said I was dramatizing? So, it's your turn to simplify things. Come here, take off this shoe."
Those who forgive each other and who do not turn hurt into ammunition at the time of discussion feel loved. One feels loved who feels accepted, who feels welcome, who feels whole. The one who loves his solitude is respected, the one who knows that there is no prohibited subject, that everything can be said and understood. One feels loved who feels safe to be exactly as he is, without inventing a character for the relationship, because no character is sustained for a long time. One feels loved who does not gasp, but sighs; who does not raise his voice, but speaks; who does not agree, but listens.
Now sit down and listen: I love you doesn't say everything.
Three. When night falls, the moon glows bright,

In daytime, the sun burns to ash!

But there, night and day it gleams without rest—

Your husband's bald pash!
Four. Search all you want, you won't find a worse man than me, brother!

Why are you so good? I demand my execution!

This is bad about me, that's bad too, keep saying it loud,

If you write my deeds' account, you'll sprint straight to heaven's crowd!

My shirt has holes, he's bare-bodied—which scoundrel speaks thus?

If you don't look at your own face, the whole world seems black to us!
Five. Parrot on the custard apple tree, bee on the pomegranate bough,

You were so sweet back then, when you weren't yet my wife somehow!
Reflection: Seven Hundred Seventy-Three

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One. Life is a surprise-box. As long as you live, every day, every month, or every year you'll be surprised by new surprises. Yes, you will! To witness yourself being so surprised requires nothing more than staying alive. Nothing else is needed for this. Success, failure, gain, loss—none of these matter here. How much of what we see, what we think, is actually true?
Those perched on the peaks of the highest mountains—who among us truly knows how they writhe with longing to come down below? When people suffer, they don't merely weep—they laugh too. Laughter or tears don't always reveal the true state of human happiness.
This time last year, many were alive who are no longer among us today. This time next year, many who are living through today will no longer be here. Young or old, men or women. Years turn, and with them turns the wheel of life and death. Be kind to yourself and to others. Who knows—you may never get this chance again! One who lacks humanity hardly deserves to be counted among human beings! Many live in human form—but how few live as true humans?
This time last year, many who had collapsed under despair are floating today on waves of success. Many who are drowning in despair today may well be riding tides of joy this time next year. Today's circumstances are not the final word. More reckonings remain. If you wish to see them, you must live. Nature's revenge and nature's justice—both are utterly dispassionate, merciless, certain. Those who torment you needlessly and take pleasure in it—stay alive quietly, if only to witness what awaits them in life. My experience tells me that everything returns. No one who has spent their life hounding others, harming others, has ever achieved anything meaningful in this world. Yes, I speak from my own experience.
The greatest gift the Creator has given us is lifespan. Life's greatest success is to keep on living splendidly despite everything. There is no victory greater than staying alive. Your spiritual or physical death would grant victory to many people. Many rejoice when they see you weep. Even if it's just to keep them uncomfortable, swallow your sorrow and tears and flash them a broad smile.
As long as you're alive, celebrate every year, every day, every moment. Enjoy whatever happens around you, learn to accept whatever exists. When you cannot guarantee that you'll be alive tomorrow, it's meaningless to save any task or any joy for tomorrow. Because there's no guarantee of tomorrow. Only one cherished life, only one birth. There's no guarantee that you'll be born again as a human being, or be born at all. The second birth happens not after death, but before. To be able to change the way you're living now—that itself is being born again. Fight for another chance at living—fight with yourself. If you win, living will feel wonderful—you'll find that to be true.
Many who are around you this year may have no contact, relationship, or even meeting with you next year. There's no telling exactly where life and necessity will take you and leave you. Even death can create distances. Care for all who are with you, enjoy everything that comes your way if your heart desires it. Yes, whatever you do, do it without causing even the slightest harm to anyone. Laugh even without reason, love even without need. Become someone's reason for happiness. This very moment might be your last! Who can say!
Two. In the new year, let me become even more ruined than before,

I'll nurture some old sorrows within my heart.
Three. To those of you who enjoy hounding others:

Remember—everything returns. Look through history. You'll see that those who hound people have never accomplished anything meaningful in life.
Unless you break free from this habit, the same fate awaits you too. Rest assured, whoever you chase after needlessly, you will never be able to get ahead of them in this life. To follow behind someone means to make your own path of falling behind easier with your own hands. By chasing after someone, you prove that you are lagging behind them. Those who are ahead of you never chase after you, because they have neither the time nor the inclination. Ironically, they don't even know you—they don't have the time to count you among their concerns.
Don't write your name in the register of small-minded people. It's easy to get your name written in that register, but you'll have many competitors in that line too. Try to become a person with a greater mindset. In this line, you'll have fewer competitors, and moving ahead will be easier. Stay so busy that there's always surplus work in front of your eyes, so you don't have time to waste chasing after others. I'm telling you the truth—after a certain point, you'll regret all this, and then there will be nothing left to do. If you don't practice becoming great at a young age, you'll remain small-minded even in old age.
Four.: "Dude, Sadia talks to you so much! But the moment I tried to strike up a conversation, she blocked me. I don't understand this at all!"
"You fool, what's there not to understand? It simply means you're ugly. Simple!"
(Instead of sending heaps and heaps of Happy New Year messages, you could have sent some money. What am I supposed to do with all these wishes! You sent the same garbage on December 31st, 2019 too. What did we get in return?...Corona!
Take Hero Bhai's salaam,

Give your good wishes through bKash or cash.)
**Thoughts: Seven Hundred Seventy-Four**

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**One.** The less you know about the person you love, the more interest you'll maintain in them. Knowing everything means the end of all interest.
The more you come to know, you'll find that gradually distrust, disbelief, and hopelessness begin to form toward them. The inauspicious beginning of indifference or detachment also starts from there.
After a certain time, you'll see that even the deepest relationships shatter like glass into fragments. The heart then begins to sink into profound sickness. Ah, living becomes so painful then!
Beauty must be seen from a distance; the closer you look, the more flaws become apparent. Beauty is judged by its wholeness—there's no such thing as "fragmented beauty."
The more you zoom into any picture, the larger the cracks and tears become visible. To enjoy a picture's beauty, it must be seen in its entirety, not piece by piece.
Therefore, if you don't want to see the flaws, don't zoom into the picture, and don't try to know too much about people either. If you do, it will only increase your own mental anguish. What's the point of zooming into a picture you can never delete, except to increase some regrets! Move on and let go, or accept and adapt. That's it! Keep in mind that nothing about anyone in this world will be exactly to your liking. Nothing about you is to everyone's liking either.
If you observe, you'll notice that while we may initially approach someone drawn by physical beauty, later their mental beauty becomes paramount. How mentally beautiful that person truly is—this matter's importance then surpasses their physical beauty many times over. Fundamentally, it's the pull of the heart that binds two people firmly together.
This is why even two extraordinarily beautiful people, after marriage or entering a relationship, sometimes can't make it last even two years. True beauty always remains beyond the reach of sight.
When the time comes, time opens its mouth.
And again, between two utterly ordinary, unremarkable people, a relationship endures for decades, perhaps even longer. Where the pull of the body ends, there begins the exquisite pull of the mind. And if there is no opportunity for such a beginning, the relationship ends right there.
Experience tells us that knowing less about a person is the best way to keep one's love for them intact. One must know the human heart, not external habits. In searching for bodily fidelity, people lose track of the search for fidelity of the heart.
The one you love takes drugs, or flirts with others outside the relationship, or perhaps the person is quite arrogant or stubborn. You didn't know these things before entering the relationship, which is why they seemed so beautiful to you. When, with the passage of time, you slowly begin to know and understand these matters, that's when the vast web of enchantment begins to unravel. Then the person will no longer seem as beautiful as before; you'll see that their sweet words, romantic talk, and much else no longer captivate you as they once did. The deeper you go, the more painful the cultivation becomes.
One day you'll discover that an old, small message from them that once stirred you so deeply, making you laugh absent-mindedly and say, "My crazy one!", now none of their communications move you as they used to. Even seeing that same message makes you furrow your brow and mutter absent-mindedly, "Oh, rubbish!"
To save a relationship, one must take care. One must change and also allow change. A relationship that cannot change you, or one in which you yourself are not changing, then understand that you are not really in any relationship at all. You are merely bound by a temporal contract that will end when its term expires. Or even before! Of course, if both parties have no objection, one can live happily even in such a relationship. In fact, when love enters a purely carnal relationship, that's when all the troubles begin.
There's no point in judging someone. They will never transform themselves according to your wishes; at most, they might pretend to change if absolutely forced. If you want to stay with them, prepare your own heart to accept them as they are, or walk a different path. We haven't been sent to this world with lives long enough to live keeping others or ourselves in distress. Keep them with a smile on your face, or let them go to bring a smile to your face. To each their own. Let them be as they are, and you remain as you are. This is the best way to sustain a relationship.
Two. Who draws you close out of love, and who draws you close out of need—this can indeed be understood. Perhaps it can't be spoken aloud for various reasons, but it can often be comprehended.
For whom love is paramount, they surrender to the needs of their beloved.
For whom need is paramount, they practice self-deception before the love of the one they need.
Most of us want to receive love from those for whom need is greater than love; and we go to fulfill our needs with those for whom love is greater than need.
Some people live fulfilling loveless needs, and some people live nurturing needless love.
For all these reasons, humans are essentially actors by nature.
Three. Even stepping away from you, I somehow get trapped within you!
Even after making all arrangements to forget you, I don't know why I want to think of you even more!
Even wanting to walk down the road opposite to where you are, I absent-mindedly return to the old path.
I still long to lighten the burden of all your sins with my virtue.

Though I never found you, in this life I gained nothing else but you alone!
Four. It is far better to weep for not receiving than to weep after receiving something wrong in the haste of others' pressure. If only those who cry for not having could understand what a burden it is to cry after having! How difficult it is to find freedom from something once you've obtained it! "I didn't get it" — this can be accepted. But "why did I get it" — this cannot be accepted!
People can properly handle the shock of not getting something, but trying to cope with the shock of getting something makes life itself unbearable. There are many things that, once obtained, become very difficult to discard. Before getting them, one cannot even imagine which will be treasure and which will be burden!
Most of us, by living according to others' decisions, turn our entire lives into burdens. Living on one's own money but on others' terms — a life spent on such principles is utterly worthless! Alas, yet so many must live such foolish lives!
Reflection: Seven Hundred Seventy-Five

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One. The worst thing is, missing someone badly who doesn't even care about you!

The best thing is, caring for someone who misses you badly.
Two. "I'll return and eat the fish," said Uncle Bashir as he went to the mosque, but suddenly collapsed and died right at the mosque gate. The fish was eaten by his cat instead.
Selina lovingly made a dress for her unborn daughter, arranged it carefully in the wardrobe, and went to the hospital to give birth — but never returned. She didn't even see what her child looked like. The dress still waits.
"Next time you'll take me to see the city, won't you?" pleaded Aunt Julie yesterday, and then quietly died of a heart attack without warning. She never saw the city's neon lights.
Uncle Rahim, with his tall, strong build, said just last year he would sell his paddy harvest to buy a motorcycle he'd been dreaming of. This year Uncle lies paralyzed in bed.
Having saved his entire life's earnings bit by bit, Kumarprasad Babu bought a duplex flat just last month, planning to live grandly. This month he's been diagnosed with terminal cancer. The doctor says he has at most three months to live.
Life is like a railway station. Some are getting off, some are boarding. Some are waiting for the next train.
Humanity's greatest misfortune is that life never goes according to plan. We can never say what tomorrow will bring. Yet people rush forward, driven by some illusion, continuing to make endless preparations for tomorrow. But what tomorrow will bring is known only to Him who secretly pulls the strings of this playhouse called life.
Even carrying the fear that the next life might arrive before the next day, people continue to destroy the present in anxiety over their entire future.
Three. Being alone is far, far better than being with someone who makes you feel bad. Another thing is, feeling good or feeling bad — these cannot be forced; they must come from the heart. There's no such thing as "should feel good" or "should feel bad." What matters is how you actually feel. The idea that things will work out over time doesn't seem to happen very often. People's inner selves change little. One who suffers may not speak out of fear or circumstantial pressure, but their inner self keeps weeping constantly. Perhaps life itself is such a collection of tears and regrets.
Four.
On this night,

some stay awake because there are people worth staying awake for,

others stay awake because there are no people worth staying awake for.
Five. The person who seems most worthy to you in your eyes may not bring fortune to your life; but whoever does bring fortune to your life is certainly the most worthy for your existence. This is such a unique experience that without passing through it, no one can form even the slightest conception of it.
Is there a way to recognize such a person beforehand? No, there isn't. Rather, my experience tells me that most of those we consider indispensable to our lives are actually unnecessary in our lives. There exists no single trait by which one could identify the person essential for living. Understanding people from external appearances or through prior assumptions is nearly impossible.
There is no real path to knowing people other than through trial and experience.
Six. 1. As long as the money is yours, never listen to other's decision about how to spend it. Ask your own heart, listen to it. The money is yours, so let the condition of spending it be yours.
2. Ninety percent of your money you spend for other's comfort, will be found wasted in most cases. Most people remember what they've done for you forgetting what you have done for them. So never make other's lives over-comfortable destroying your own comfort.
3. You'll get nearly 100% return of the money you spend for others, while you'll get hardly 10% return of the money you spend for your family. Your family is the birthplace of most of your unhappiness. Deriving your happiness from spending for others is an art.
4. Money spent for your own pleasure, is the only money spent for your happiness. It's the only amount worth-earning. Remember, there's nothing called good pleasure or bad pleasure. Pleasure cannot be good or bad, it's only something that pleases you. Never let anyone define your pleasure. If it pleases you causing no harm to others, go for it! The money that can't please you, is the money that you don't need to earn.
5. The persons for whom you spend your money most, are the persons that misunderstand you most. People are ungrateful, no matter they are from your family or outside it. Most of the people you spend your money for, take your money for granted! They often claim your money as a matter of right!
6. The capacity of spending money depends on the mentality, not on the amount. The person who earns a lot but spends a little, is the poorest soul on earth. What is the use of earning it when you can't spend it? Earning money is not all about your capacity, often it's much about your luck. So you never ever deserve to spend all of it only for yourself or for your family. Spend it for others to buy your own happiness. It's definitely a fair deal!
7. There's no good money or bad money. The money that makes you happy without any troubles is good, otherwise it's bad.
It depends on the situation, not on money itself. The poor consider the money of the rich bad. Funny, hmm!? Had the poor been rich, they would have shaken off this grudge against money!

 8. Only the money you can spend before your death is the money you really need. The rest amount is just a figure. Most people waste their lives struggling for some unwanted figures. Extra money, extra burden. People lose hair worrying about money and later use it for hair-transplantation!

 9. The money we save destroying our inner peace for our family, is the money that usually goes wasted. No one remembers our sacrifice as they are really busy enjoying the fruit of our sacrifice. They care about only the comfort, not the man behind it. The moment you give all your money to your family, is the moment you start losing your dignity in your family.

 10. If you don't have a mind of spending money, the brain you've for earning it is completely useless. There's nothing called misuse of money. As long as you can afford it, it's never a misuse. Come on, bro! When you can afford to buy a Ferrari, you simply use it, not misuse it. Let them drive a Toyota Probox and keep screaming at you...Look look! That motherfucker is misusing money!...If you can't tolerate the curses from the losers, you have no right to enjoy the bliss of being a winner.

 Exceptions? Yes, there are many. That's why, life is still good!
 Reflection: Seven hundred seventy-six

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 One. To love someone means loving them with all their flaws and imperfections.

 You must plant kiss after kiss on the cigarette-blackened lips of your beloved and convince them that these very lips are the world's most beautiful refuge.

 You must tenderly kiss that belly, swollen beyond bounds with fat, and assure them that this very paunch is the world's most precious sanctuary.

 You must suddenly embrace that sweat-soaked, foul-smelling body and make them feel that this 'special scent' is the most coveted fragrance in the world.

 If you cannot accept all of a person's incapacities and inadequacies, all their ugliness, then you have no right to love them at all!

 The inedible food cooked by the person you love will taste wonderfully delicious to you. You'll be able to gulp down their raw, amateur cooking without a single complaint.

 Their hideous gap-toothed smile will seem like the sweetest smile to you. Even a face scarred with acne marks will appear far brighter than the moon.

 In truth, love itself is the most beautiful thing. Where love exists, nothing is ugly.

 Through the eyes of love, even a moonless night appears far more beautiful than a moonlit one. On the other hand, without love, even a bright vermillion mark on the forehead seems uglier than a leech.

 Anyone who cannot simply accept my limitations has no right to love me.

 Truly, love is the most beautiful thing in the world, where much that is ugly simply doesn't register as such.

 If someone sees their beloved as dark, their love too is dark-colored. Such eyes don't really connect with the heart. In fact, that's not love at all—it's merely a calculated game!

 Two. Love is something that takes us so deep into feeling that our own existence becomes almost senseless to ourselves. And sometimes it burns us so completely that even the heat of that agony cannot be felt.
Love makes one unknown to oneself. The feelings of love purify and sanctify a person so completely that all pride, understanding of right and wrong, hesitation, doubt, self-satisfaction, selfishness, and ego are consumed to ash in love's fierce fire. One feels like a living being then, each heartbeat floating to the ears; it seems as though a sudden shower or storm has swept through, washing away all the debris inside and finally bringing one's true self before one's own eyes!
Such purity, such a vibrant sense of being alive—this had never happened before in this life. Never before had I understood what love was; only through the beloved did I realize just how much I am alive. This feeling of being so alive for the sake of the beloved had never come before; never before had I wanted to die this way in their absence, never before had I seen myself drowning in such deep, dense darkness.
Who are you, love? How do you pull me so deep into the depths of feeling? Who are you that stirs up such turbulence across the heart, becoming so intense? Such intensity, such depth, such sacred feeling—only one who finds that love can experience this. To find exactly such a beloved, one could write away an entire lifetime in their name without a moment's hesitation. To lose oneself or to become what the beloved desires, to become unknown to oneself—there remains not the slightest doubt or uncertainty.
O my love,

The subtle feeling, that intense living awareness you gave,

No one else in this life has ever given such a priceless treasure.
Love, you are my wealth,

You are my assets,

You are the greatest treasure of my life... the only possession bought through giving and taking!
Three. My vision blurs,

So I took to wearing glasses.

Still, I see only blur!
Four. The relationship was normal as long as there was neither deep emotion nor love within me. But when I learned to love that same person, when I began to feel them breaking and reshaping within me, when I unknowingly started wanting them a little more each day, then I gained everything—except I lost that very person!
When I had become emotionally vacant, I had that person completely in the physical sense; but when I discovered the emotion within me toward that same person, somehow I lost them entirely!
What was supposed to happen?
I had possessed quite well by not possessing at all! The pain of losing after having is millions of times more searing than the wanting without having. When there was no love, at least the beloved was near, though they weren't there as a beloved; yet today there's no shortage of love for that same person, but alas, the beloved themselves had to be lost!
How strange!
Once I grieved terribly for having no sense of love, but the beloved was there. Today there's no fear of being without love, but the person to be loved is no longer there.
In some lives perhaps love and the beloved never come together. Love and the beloved—these two supreme treasures had arrived on the same train; then on the very next train, the beloved left the station, abandoning that love behind! Now all this love, all this emotion, all this overflowing every day... to whom shall I give these?
I no longer want love itself; I want only the beloved—someone who can be held close even without being loved.
What use is love if the person himself is no more!
: Girl, can you never just be quiet for a day or two? Don't you have even a speck of stillness within you? This constant clamor you make—how do you manage it, tell me?
: No, I cannot. Let others be silent, but why should I? I will speak every day, I will restlessly stir every day by habit, every day I will take your scolding, but even if it's only to receive your scolding, I will never stay quiet. No, no, no...!
Thought: Seven Hundred Seventy-Seven

………………………………………………………
One. People only hound you when you do something that makes them think, "If I had tried, I could have done that too." Walking the paths of this world, bearing the burden of others' self-satisfied "I could have done that too" is quite the ordeal! Between "I also succeeded" and "I also could have"—the bridge connecting these two is called competence.
But if you manage to do something so extraordinary that the thought of attempting it never even crosses their minds, then they won't bother you much. Earthbound people only hound those who rise from earth to sky; as for those who move from one sky to another, it simply doesn't occur to earthbound minds that such people can be pursued!
However, if they happen to be Bengali, then generally, no matter what you do, whether they understand it or not, they will hound you regardless. Their joy lies in this very pursuit. At this juncture, the highly educated, the educated, the half-educated, the pseudo-educated, the uneducated—all become brothers, with no distinctions in their thinking! Whatever comes to their speculation about you and your work, or whatever reaches their ears, they will swarm upon it like crabs in droves. Their tireless self-sacrifice and sincerity in this endeavor is truly remarkable to behold.
Reaching conclusions based on assumptions is easy—it saves the brain from taking on extra pressure. Those who have heads listen with their heads; those without heads listen with their ears. And if that assumption happens to be an easy path to popularity, then there's nothing more to say! We are, by nature, a people who live on assumptions.
Two. To women who love more or less...
I want to give my statement. I think I have a problem. If women who love too much are those who suffocate their partners, who don't trust them, who investigate every step they take and who can't think of anything but fanciful betrayals, then I need to admit: I'm a woman who loves less.
I never opened the messenger on my husband's cellphone.

I never opened a paper that was in his wallet.

I never get angry if a co-worker calls him.

I don't listen to his conversation on the phone.

I don't check the gas-tank in his car to see if he walked too much or too little.

I don't care when he finds another beautiful woman, as long as she's really pretty. If it's not so, it's because he has a bad taste.
I don't feel insecure if he doesn't make me love statements all the time.

I don't make his life pathetic.

According to what I have seen out there, my diagnosis is unfortunate: I love him little. Is it...huh?
আবেগ ও নিয়ন্ত্রণহীনতা গুরুতর রোগ এবং যথাযোগ্য চিকিৎসার দাবি রাখে, কিন্তু এর প্রতি অতিরিক্ত গুরুত্ব আরোপ করা রোমান্টিকীকরণ এবং নারী-পুরুষ উভয়ের সাথেই অবিচার। এতে এই ইঙ্গিত নিহিত থাকে যে ভালোবাসার একটি পরিমাপ আছে, ভালোবাসার একটি সীমা আছে, অথচ প্রকৃতপক্ষে ভালোবাসা কখনোই অতিরিক্ত হয় না। যা আছে তা হলো নিম্ন আত্মসম্মানবোধসম্পন্ন নারী-পুরুষ, যাদের অনিরাপত্তার মাত্রা অতিরঞ্জিত এবং যারা ভালোবাসা ও দখলদারিত্বের মধ্যে পার্থক্য বোঝে না। আর রয়েছে তারা যারা নিছকই ঈর্ষাকাতর ও সন্দেহপ্রবণ, অসহ্য রকমের বিরক্তিকর হয়ে উঠে।
তবে সবাই যদি একমত হয় যে "অতিরিক্ত ভালোবাসার" জন্য এক বিশেষ ধরনের বিকৃতি চালু করা যেতে পারে, তাহলে আমি "যে নারীরা কম ভালোবাসে" তাদের প্রশংসা করব, যদিও স্পষ্টতই, যে নারী শান্ত, যে অপরের গোপনীয়তায় হস্তক্ষেপ করে না এবং যে মানুষটিকে বিশ্বাস করে, যে নিজের মতো করে বাঁচতে বেছে নেয়, তাকেই রুগ্ণ বলা হয়।
তিন। মানুষ ভালোবাসার চেয়ে ভালোবাসার প্রত্যাশাকে অনেক বেশি ভালোবাসে। তাই রুদ্ধ আকাঙ্ক্ষাগুলোর তীব্রতা, যেগুলো সম্প্রসারিত হতে ও প্রিয় বস্তুর দিকে এগিয়ে যেতে বাধাপ্রাপ্ত হয়, তা মোহনীয়। সাহিত্যের "মহান প্রেমগুলো" মহান, সেগুলো প্রেম বলে নয়, বরং অসম্ভব বলে।
প্রকৃত জীবনের মহান প্রেমগুলো, একমাত্র যে অনুভব করে, সেই জানে। একটি আবেগজ আবেগের আকার নির্ণয়ের অসম্ভবতা কল্পনার শক্তি বহন করে। আর এই শক্তিই দায়িত্ব নেয় সেই বিষয়টিকে মাত্রা দেওয়ার যা সম্পর্কের চর্চা, সম্ভবত, কেড়ে নিত। অসম্ভব আবেগে কেবল থাকে আমরা যা আদর্শায়িত করি, অভিপ্রায় করি বা দৈনন্দিন জীবনে বাঁচতে পারি না তার অভিক্ষেপ। তাই এর শক্তি, প্রেমিকদের মনে এর আবেশী উপস্থিতি বুঝতে সহজ।
এ কারণেই, তদুপরি, একমাত্র মিউজ হলো সে-ই যে অধরা। তোমার মিউজকে বিয়ে করো, আর তুমি আনন্দের সাথে জাগবে... যাকে ভালোবাসো তাকে বিয়ে করো, আর তুমি খুশি থাকবে। এক বিপুল আবেগ থেকে মুক্তি পেতে চাও? যাও সেই ব্যক্তি বা আবেগের বস্তুর সাথে বাস করো (অনুগ্রহ করে লক্ষ্য করো আমি 'ভালোবাসা' শব্দটি ব্যবহার করছি না)। প্রকৃতপক্ষে, এটি ইতিমধ্যেই ক্লাসিকদের মধ্যে রয়েছে এবং এদের আগেও পুরাতনদের মধ্যে ছিল: "বিজয় মহীয়ান করে আর অধিকার হীন করে।" অথবা, গ্যোটে যেমন বলেছিলেন, "আবেগের যুদ্ধে যে পালায় সে-ই জেতে।"
মানুষের সম্পর্কগুলো কত ঘন ঘনই না শেষ হয় বা বাধাপ্রাপ্ত হয় অনুমান করা, নির্দেশিত, অনুভূত সম্ভাবনাগুলোর সম্ভাবনা নিঃশেষ না করেই। তখন আসে যা ঘটনাস্থলে আসার আহ্বানে নিঃশেষ হয়নি এবং যা প্রায়শই সমগ্র "আত্মা"কে দখল করার হুমকি দেয় (আর কখনো কখনো কার্যকরভাবে দখল করে)!
অন্য কোনো কারণে নয় যে প্রেমিক হলো সবচেয়ে বড় স্বার্থপর। আবেগের বস্তুতে সবকিছু উৎসর্গ করে, সে তার নিজের প্রয়োজন পূরণ করে, তা কষ্ট, আদর্শায়ন, সুখ বা কল্পনা যাই হোক না কেন। অসম্ভাবনার বাঁধে রুদ্ধ হয়ে, সে কান্নাকাটি করে। আর এটাকেই অনেকে ভালোবাসা বলে। কিন্তু ভালোবাসা অনেক ভিন্ন জিনিস... ভালোবাসা কাঁদে না বা অভিযোগ করে না: ভালোবাসা দেয়।