Not very long,
let’s say six months! But
to me it feels like eternity.
By the way, when did you
first notice me? I was huddled up scared in some corner of your
huuuuge friend list, hiding. You weren’t
supposed to find me at all!
I poked
you. Don’t you remember? Maybe not.
Lots of pretty girls get poked just for fun. You’re quite beautiful, you know, anyone can see that.
Oh really? Is that so?
You’re such an amazing flirt!
You should have at least a dozen girlfriends! Any girl would be thrilled to hear
you talk like that!
Tell me something I didn’t know……….I repeat!
You should smile
and laugh more often.
What kind of thing is that to say?
Do I look bad or something?
I mean like this,
cheerful like me. I didn’t mean
anything about your looks being bad.
So?
You look very
serious in photos. But you’re probably not really like that. Tell me, what’s your
problem anyway? Are all successful people
the same, I mean nerdy?
What do you mean? Who are you calling that? Me? Why?
I’ve said what I
had to say. If you get it, you’ll understand. If not, oh well.
You sound rude! What’s wrong?
What did I do now?
You didn’t do anything!
You all just sit there getting excellent results! What’s the point, really? We can’t achieve anything. We don’t even want to achieve that much. But we’re being forced to live up to your
standards anyway. Why should you be the benchmark for our lives?
What gives you the right? I
just hate all the super smart people!
What’s there to get
so angry about? Is there puffed rice at home?
There’s Sprite in
the fridge too. Should I soak the puffed rice and eat it? You’re unbearable!
You people are just unbearable! I don’t wanna feel low for you! Mommmmmm………..
Then why are you
chatting with me? Go away! Bye!
Hehhhh……what an act!
If I could escape by running away, I would have fled long ago! I would have hidden myself! Actually that’s not hatred, I envy you people, I envy you terribly. In my mind I often
shoot you all dead! Tell me honestly, what do you eat? Or what’s inside your heads? I want to grab all of you and
smash all your skulls. Ufffffff…….!! So utterly annoying!
Fall in love with
some genius, you’ll understand everything.
You can even try with me if you want. I don’t mind!
If you have the nerve,
say that publicly on Facebook and let’s see! Remember the movie ‘Perfume’? Thousands and thousands of girls will come tumbling all over you. Will you be able to
handle it then?
Then do this.
Tag me and make a post yourself. I won’t disown it.
But I really do
have a few loose screws in my head. I’ll really give it to you.
Go ahead then.
Tell me what to write! Whatever you tell me to write, I’ll write it down exactly!
Whatever you want,
write it.
I’m not clever
like you. You write it.
Ooooooooo…………..
What did you mean
with all those O’s?
Your skull.
That teenage
attitude again!
Yes. Any
problem?
Why are you so happy?
What happened?
Our neighbor’s
black cat had three white kittens!
Oh please!
I’m over the moon
because I’m dating you!
We’re dating?
No!
Then why did you say it?
I felt like saying it,
so I said it. Now
stop your whining.
I won’t stop it
a hundred times! What will you do if I don’t stop?
Fine, keep crying! Happy crying!
Where did I
cry?
How would I know?
Then why did you say
I was crying?
You’re crying, so I said you’re crying. Don’t you get even that? Weird!
First tell me,
why am I crying?
Why you’re crying—
how would I know that?
I didn’t cry.
Happy?
Didn’t cry?
Sure?
Yes sir! I
didn’t cry.
Why didn’t you?
Cry a little! What’s wrong with crying
a little?
You’re so
annoying! Problem if I cry, problem if I don’t
cry! Where should I go?
Go to sleep! Good
night!
You go to sleep.
You’re getting annoyed, right? I told you from the start, I’m a chatterbox!
You’re not a chatterbox,
just a bit annoying.
Okay okay. Well
why don’t you say something fun, let me hear it!
Everything I’ve
said has been interesting!
Oh really?
Interesting indeed! Alright,
now spill it out.
What do you find interesting?
Well I don’t know that!
Oh! This is getting
messy! Now what?
Exactly!
I can tell you’re actually feeling bored. So what should I talk about? I’m confused myself! Should I say buy now?
Buy?
What else can I do? You’re not talking. Should I have a conversation with a ghost all by myself?
That’s fine. But, buy? Or, bye?
Sorry, really sorry! Auto-suggestion of dumb smartphone! Do I have to say it like that? I’m embarrassed. Sorry sorry!
Saying sorry like this won’t do! You’ve committed such a big crime! You have to stand on your left foot, hold your ears and say sorry. Wait! Hold your ears!
You hold them yourself! Ugh! This guy! What were you doing at the office all this time? Don’t you have to go home?
I won’t go! What’s the point of going home?
Oooooooh……niiiiiiice………whaaaaat…………..!! Well, doesn’t anyone call you like this? Should I call you that way? Does anyone call you by any other name? I mean, some pet name?
……………………………………………………………..
You love her so much, you could just tell her! Such a long status! If only someone would write something like that for me! If only!
Read it and see how it turned out? Give me feedback.
I already told you after reading it! It’s way too touching!
Read the whole thing first! Then let me know. Tell me which parts didn’t work well too.
Okay, I’m telling you sir! At the beginning, there’s too much self-criticism. Why would Topu judge himself from all those negative angles? He has good qualities too.
Okay carefully noted. Then? Where else are there weaknesses in the writing?
I wouldn’t call that a weakness, it’s actually that Topu became too truthful about himself. It might have worked with a bit less of that. Look, you asked me to point out weaknesses in your writing. Even saying that feels excessive! Sir, I’ve read your entire piece. It’s beautifully flowing writing, you can devour it in one sitting. I’ve devoured it twice, took me an hour and a half. I can’t even think of being audacious enough to hunt for weaknesses in your writing. Are you offended by what I’m saying?
Can’t you chatter a bit less? Your observation is really good. Not everyone can read properly, but some of them do manage to read. There’s no point in hearing about writing from someone like that. You surely don’t belong to the group of those who are merely ‘capable of reading’! Right? Your opinion matters to me.
I feel honoured, Sir! Well, are you that Topu yourself? If not, then why did you spin a story around someone else’s comment about whether you’re fair or dark? This compulsion to reveal yourself so explicitly seems a bit excessive! This is what’s making your reader suspicious.
Listen, you can’t believe everything Facebook writers say.
Writers often write things just to get more likes. I don’t know about others, but at least I do that myself. Everyone says it’s good,
so I write more good things
just from the desire to do so. That’s it! If I didn’t get likes and such, I would have stopped posting on Facebook ages ago!
By the way, didn’t you read that
long disclaimer of mine?
Yes, I did read it! You’ve composed a massive defense-literature piece there.
You’ve gathered all the poets-writers-artists of the world and thrown them together. You really can do it! Go on
go on! Stop all this pretense now and get married! Make her the luckiest girl
on earth! Save us too!
How much more will you write for others? Now write the story of your own
life. You’ll see, it feels good.
Save you all
meaning?
You won’t understand now,
you’ll understand when you grow up, you’re still a small person. You’re having fun, so you don’t want to understand.
I’m having fun,
am I?
You are indeed! Well,
why don’t you sometimes
reply to my messages? It makes me angry!
On phone? Or on Facebook?
Both! You’re
very bad. I sit there gaping, waiting for when your message vibration will come, hoping for it. Is this right, you tell me! Well, you don’t reply, that’s fine. But do you read my messages? Or not even that?
Oh why wouldn’t I read them?
I do read them! I’m often not
in front of the phone, so I can’t
reply immediately. Later when I notice, I don’t feel like replying. I get lazy,
and also this works in my head—
what will you think, what counter-reply will you give for replying so late! That sort of thing!
One more request.
Can’t you stop the ‘hmm’ in inbox replies, please? Whenever I see that, I feel like I’m
bothering you.
Then what should I say?
At least
you could say ‘yes,’ and if you want, you could
write something loving along with it.
Good night.
Okay, it was abrupt! Why are you doing this to me? Do you think
all the girls in the world are sitting around fallen in love with you? You don’t have to be so rude, right? You don’t want to talk to me—you could say that in another way!
Who told you that?
Can’t I feel sleepy?
Okay go sleep!
Sleep doesn’t come suddenly like that. I’m not a little girl. I understand everything.
Why are you scolding me?
What did I do? If you scold me, I’ll cry right away!
You were rude!!
Mommmmmmm………………
Hmm. Calling mom
won’t help. What will mom come and do?
Why won’t it help?
If someone scolds me,
I scold them back just like that. Mom can’t do anything. Huh!
And if anyone
scolds me like this, I just cry. Whatever, I’m going to bed, going to cry.
If crying brings happiness………..
Very good! Go on,
go and cry,
go! Sleep! You
Kumbhakarna! Bad night! Very, very bad night!!
Why are you being like this?
Say good night sweetly.
Otherwise I’m not going to sleep at all!
Nope! Why sweetly? Are you a little girl who needs a teddy bear
to be put to sleep? If you’re sleepy
then just go sleep. Simple! No sweetness!
You won’t? Okay fine! I’m going to sleep. Good night! Take care.
I’m still
angry, you know. Okay bye! Bad night to you! May your room be filled with bats and birds at night! May they
scare you, scratch you as they please.
Two or three nights
later.
Still angry?
Of course I am! So
what if I stay angry?
Your head,
your nose, your hair, your ears, your cheeks, your chin will happen.
What a weirdo!
What did these parts of me ever do wrong?
They did nothing wrong. I
want to touch them and see.
Strange!
What’s strange?
Not what, who. You are strange!
That’s true.
Yes, exactly.
Hmm.
Haven’t I forbidden you from saying hmm? If you say hmm
I’ll punch you right on the nose!
Hmm.
Again hmm?
Hmm.
What are you doing here? Go sleep! Don’t you
feel sleepy anymore?
No, I don’t. You’ve stolen the sleep from my eyes!
All you do is
fight with me. Don’t you have any other work?
This is my work!
Any problem?
You’re a horse’s egg,
you’re a cockroach,
you’re just awful!
I already knew all that.
Anything new? Well, I’m going. Sleep sleep sleeeep…………….
Okay go, go sleep! Such a sleepyhead!
You sleep too,
won’t you? Such a good girl! Good night.
I’m good?
Wow! Very good! You finally
recognized! Anyway, you sleep.
You must be tired!
Rotten girl!
Always scolding me!
I don’t scold!
Who am I to scold you? What are you doing, you rhinoceros-man?
Listening to songs
on YouTube.
What song?
Good song!
Ugh! Don’t torment me like this! If you were here in front of me, I’d pull your hair out, pinch your nose and make a mess of you! You’re lucky! Now tell me, what song are you listening to!
Nazrul geeti, “Harano Hiyar Nikunjo.”
Who’s singing?
Asha. Sounds incredible!
Listen to “Amar Apnar Cheye Apon Je Jon” in Kaushiki’s voice. You’ll love it.
Ah! Kaushiki! My Kaushiki!
Meaning?
My girlfriend. You don’t know?
Really? As if Kaushiki has nothing better to do!
I’m telling the truth! Our marriage is almost settled too; fifty percent done. I’m ready from my side, just need Kaushiki to say ‘yes’ and that’s it!
I see nothing stops you from talking!
What’s the point of keeping love bottled up, tell me? I’ve spent my whole life holding back love. What good did that do, tell me? I’m not like I used to be anymore. Better to just say it—I love! What can she do? ‘Go away!’ At most that’s all she can say, right? She can’t diminish my love! I learned to love, she didn’t. That’s all! One who has love in their heart is never empty. I’ll remain fulfilled through loving! Even if it’s the failed pride of completeness! Still! What does it matter? By the way, listen to “Ki Kakhon Bole Banshi” in Kaushiki’s voice. Every time I hear that song, my mind stops working for a while, completely drowns in the melody.
You’ve become “nothing.” Gone case! Seriously gone case!! When will you sleep? You need someone right now to strengthen the ‘you’ inside you! I’m not joking, really! Tell me, why did you do that with me the other day?
Do what? Whatever I did, I did well! You’re not just rotten, you’re super rotten! Suchitra Sen is much better than you, she’s singing songs for me.
Is that so? Good! What song?
“Ke Tumi Amare Dako”… Ah! Look at that gaze she’s giving! Feels like she’s singing just for me! Ah, ah!
Listen mister, you don’t need Suchitra, you need a tough girl! Suchitra Sens won’t be able to fix you. They’ll just keep singing songs.
Don’t scare me, understand, don’t scare me! I’ll reform any tough girl myself in my own way with all my love and affection. Huh!
It’s not that simple! Let time come, we’ll see! I can’t believe you don’t get any girlfriend. Maybe you just don’t care.
I got it a bit wrong.
Many people didn’t give me the time of day either. The ones I wanted stayed far, far away, and I never called them closer; out of shame, hesitation, fear, embarrassment. And of course there was the ego problem!
Complete lies!
Any woman would ‘fall for’ your words! Many who’ve already set their hearts on someone else would be filled with terrible regret. And here you are saying……….
No no, you’re really thinking wrong! I truly didn’t get any attention.
Is that so? Just go to the right person and tell them what’s in your heart, let’s see what happens!
Listen, I can’t do that. Never could.
I spent my whole life being shy. Until I was 28, I never even talked properly with any woman. I acted as if I didn’t care about them at all! Actually, I was afraid of them in my heart! It’s not that I pushed anyone away when they tried to get close; I ran away on my own! The clouds have gathered and it’s gotten very late.
Shall I give you some advice?
Go ahead.
Get married right away! Whether you do it sooner or later, it’s the same thing!
What’s the point of just sitting around?
The best idea that women can come up with is marriage.
I already guessed that’s what you’d say.
Very stereotypical!
Yes, that’s how I am! Any problem with that?
Yes, lots and lots of problems!
What problems, tell me!
I feel like grabbing you and beating you up, that’s the problem!
I already told you, I’m not afraid. Go ahead and do it.
There’s no point in suppressing the urge.
I’m going to sleep. Have to get up in the morning. There’s no one to wake me up.
Even if someone wakes me, I don’t get up. Who loves to wake from sleep and rush to the office! Ah sleep, what peaceful sleep!
I have to go. But I don’t want to leave you! (This isn’t made up, it’s absolutely true!) Okay, I’m going. Going to sleep. Bye bye.
So I was close to you then? Hmm!!
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm again?
Didn’t I forbid that?
Mm-hmm!
Seriously?
Mm-hmm.
You’re hopeless. You still can’t get out of your mm-hmm! Okay, stay with your beloved mm-hmm.
You look beautiful.
Where did you see me again?
That face you sent!
Such a flirt!
You’re right. That’s how I am! Alright, now I’m really, truly going, okay? Have to fall asleep.
You’re really saying
goodbye? You’re not mad, are you?
Not at all!
Really?
Yes, really. Good night.
You too. Sweet
dreams!
Another day’s worth.
Hello busy bee!
Hi my sweet bee!
Good morning!
I’m your sweet
bee? Anyway, good morning. Have you eaten?
Yes. You?
Haven’t eaten yet,
will have something.
Starting the romance
bright and early this morning?
Yes. The sooner,
the better! Don’t you know?
What’s all the rush,
I wonder? I’m here, aren’t I!
Oh darling! It’s not rush,
my dear! I need love
day and night. Don’t you understand even this?
You’re crazy!
Or are you just acting crazy?
I’m not acting,
I really am crazy!
You’re having such fun!
Yes, beautiful! I always have fun! I’ll die suddenly one day! Before that happens, might as well live it up as much as possible! What’s the point if you don’t really live a little before death?
Bravo, bravo!
What a philosophical lesson on life!
Yes, my life philosophy. Maybe it’s terribly awful, the worst possible, but I couldn’t care less. This is how I live; I live with this philosophy, I live for it, it lives through me. To me, my philosophy is the most precious thing. That’s it!
What is your
philosophy?
Your lovely head!
There you go
again?
Yep.
You’re just impossible!
Tell me something I didn’t know!
I knew you’d say that!
……………………………………..
Hello! Are you
there?
Yep baby!
Listen, why do you call me baby? You wrote it in your text the other day too.
So? What should I call you then? Darling?
You’ll see, you’ll get in trouble one day. Don’t go around calling women baby, darling so randomly.
Why would I call someone
who’d get me in trouble?
I only call you that, beautiful! Only for you, in that forest the flame tree has turned red…….
My goodness!!! Flirting is going on beyond limit!
Where’s the flirting
in that? I was reciting lines from Satinath’s song.
I’ve got you
there…………
I know, I know,
my empty lips will
fill………….
Jagannmoy said ‘lips’,
didn’t he?
He didn’t say it, so is that my fault, honey? He could have said it, couldn’t he? He made a mistake by not saying it, I corrected it. This contribution of mine will be written in golden letters in the history of songs, shining untarnished through the ages!
You be quiet!
Mmmmmaaaaahhhhh……..!!
There was a time,
when I would get lost in all this.
Sometimes that’s exactly why I get angry when I think about my teenage days! I just hate
my teenage!
Hahahaha……….
I’ll just say this, Don’t waste your precious time hating. NEVER!
I’m not hating anyone else. I’m just hating my age from that time. I didn’t know then that there are some boys who have a natural gift for flirting. Whatever they say, everything sounds like a fairy tale, makes you want to believe it! It feels like you should live your life the way they describe it! After teenage passed, I realized there’s no point listening to anyone’s words, you have to listen to yourself.
Madam, you’re way ahead of me. I only recently started living according to my heart’s calling. I’m fine now. What a mess I was before! Everyone used to laugh at me. I didn’t care though. I thought that was life! Now I understand, running away from life isn’t living. Even if you hide yourself from the whole world, how is it possible to hide yourself from yourself?
Tell me, how did you change? I mean, who influenced you, what influenced you to change yourself so much?
I don’t remember.
You don’t remember who changed you? How is that possible?
No one did it,
I changed on my own.
Time did everything. People move according to time’s demands.
You changed on your own? This much? And after changing you became such a big flirt?
How is that possible?
Yap baby! I am a flirt! Happy now?
Why are you getting angry?
Well, what else can you do?
You shut up!
I’m not a flirt. Whatever I have to say, I say directly,
I don’t lie, I don’t pretend, I’ve never hurt anyone in my life, I don’t play with anyone’s emotions either. What do you understand about flirting? Those who flirt do all of those things. Go find out and see! Though, girls want that kind of flirt anyway! Whatever, I’m not interested in talking to you anymore. I don’t need to chat with some worthless flirt. Sorry for everything! Bye forever! Take care.
Actually, you’ve misunderstood what I said. You need a real woman in your life. I’m saying all this for your own good. ‘Shy boy’ has become a ‘Fly boy’! Interesting, isn’t it? Unless you find someone who’ll understand you the way you are, how will all those wonderful chemistries in your mind become even more wonderful?
…………………………………………….
What’s this? Why the silence?
I said bye. Bye means goodbye.
Oh, that! But I didn’t say bye, did I? So I’ll keep talking. Whether you listen or not, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not sorry!
No, you don’t need to say anything. I’m a flirt—you said it yourself! Instead of talking to me, go find yourself another good boy. You are a good girl. Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere. Haven’t you heard that song? I don’t need a good girl. I need a bad girl. Bye.
Oh, is that so? Fine then, bye. Stay happy!
Stay happier Ms Good Girl!
Don’t worry. You’ll get lots of bad girls!
Why that ‘will’? Are you sure, I’ve not already?
How would I know?
If you don’t know, go eat puffed rice!
What I eat or don’t eat, let me decide that! OK Mr?
OK.
You really are strange! Whatever, you’re just… you!
Yes, exactly! See if you can handle it! If you can’t, you can hit the road!
I mean, what can I say! Pure emotional torture!
I’m emotional like Hell!! I’m an emotional fool, they say. I don’t care. No regrets, just living! This is my way of life!
I’m not saying you’re a fool!
That’s your business! I’m saying I’m an emotional fool!
Be logical! OK? How did so much emotion for me develop in just two days? I’m curious! Let me know. Please!
Where do you see emotion for you here? Amazing! What do you think of yourself?
Really! Is that so? But that’s what I’m seeing! I don’t remember giving any indication! So how did this happen?
Neither do I. It’s not like I have to involve you in my emotions or I’ll die—I’m not that type at least!
But just a moment ago you were talking about emotions, good girls, bad girls, blah blah blah!!! And all those stuffs! What? Didn’t you say that?
Hmm.
Could you elaborate a bit more on this beloved “hmm” of yours, sir?
Hmm, yes.
Then do it.
Please!
Yes.
Where? Explain it! Break it down!
No.
Why?
……………………………..
Are you there?
Hello sir…………
Hmm.
Where’s the answer
to my question?
I can’t explain it.
That’s the answer.
Why?
Don’t know.
Is it Platonic?
What is?
Things that can’t
be explained?
Who knows! I don’t
keep all that intellectual stuff in my head.
Okay! Now that’s
really going too far!
No, seriously, I really mean it!
After this I have
nothing more to say. Really nothing.
Hmm.
Hmm?
Hmm! Yes! Yep!
Finally!
Hmm.
I can bet you
that no woman in this
world will ever be able to change you! If anyone manages it, I’ll cut off
all my hair! Ugh!
Hmm. Right!
I thought we would keep chatting. Instead, nobody’s talking!
Only I’m………..Yes, I’m a nobody!! You’re absolutely right!
Did I say that?
No? You’re the one who……….What have I done, huh? You’re the silent one! I broke
the silence first!! And You
are a nobody?? Please!!! Everyone pines for you!
………………………………………………………………………………..
You won’t say
anything, will you?
Silly! Should I talk
while eating?
My God! The ice
melted! Finally! Okay okay!!
Have you eaten rice?
No.
Have you had fish?
No.
Have you had lentils?
No.
Have you had vegetables?
No.
Have you had water?
No.
I’m eating guava.
Want some?
No.
What will you eat?
Nothing.
Sure?
Mmm.
Okay.
I………I………….what
can I say! I feel like a complete idiot! For the first time in my life I’m
doing everything like a fool! And I don’t even care. I know what I’m doing
is wrong, but I can’t pull myself out of it!
I feel utterly shameless!
Why? What happened? Tell me everything. Anything wrong?
Leave it! Please!! Believe me,
I’m absolutely not like this! I
can’t believe I’m acting this way!
Acting how?
Tell me. Let me see what I can do for you!
No way! Absolutely
not! Absolutely not!!
Come on! Tell me! Why
are you doing this?
I won’t tell! I don’t
think it would be right
to say it.
It’s no big deal!
Just say it! You’ll feel lighter once you do. Go ahead and tell me! Come on, tell me…………..
I know I’m
an idiot! I can’t
understand anyone’s feelings. Never!
I don’t understand. What
happened?
Tell me honestly, are you clear in your own mind about why you’re chatting with me?
Yes, I’m clear. Because I like you. Now tell me your reason.
I like you too.
How much do you like me?
In what way? Why? Tell me exactly.
What’s the point of saying it?
Just this morning you
texted that someone like you would only talk to me
for timepass, no other reason. Didn’t you write that?
Oh dear! My sweet
girl is angry with me! I get it now!
Yes, my whole body is trembling with excitement. I don’t see what there is
for you not to understand.
Should I coax away your anger
with affection?
The problem is,
you won’t be able to.
Problem……..??
Yes, problem.
Why?
Because I can never be yours! Never!!
Do you want to be
mine like that?
No, I don’t.
Are you speaking from your heart?
Some things exist
beyond our desires.
I can’t think that deeply,
it hurts.
Any girl would dream
of having you. It’s only natural.
Nonsense! I don’t
think that’s true.
Whether you think about it or not makes no difference. I think about it, I believe in it. This very belief is tormenting me constantly. I want to lose you. I want to find myself. If you remain within me, I’ll never be able to emerge from this state. I want you to belong to someone else very soon. I’m being honest—I truly want this from my heart.
You mean you don’t want me to ever message you again? Fine, then so be it.
Actually, that’s not it either. I’m suffering every moment thinking about someone I can never have.
Listen………………
Hmm.
Nothing.
Look, you yourself have never thought the way I do. Have you ever thought about it? Tell me.
Yes, I have. But not as intensely as you do.
I know. That’s why I was feeling really stupid!
I never care for girls …………(I am sorry if I sound rude)………but I did it for you. This means a lot to me.
I never knew this.
Which part?
That you don’t care for any other girls.
You wouldn’t have known.
What could I have done even if I had known?
……………………………………………………
Sorry! I just sounded melodramatic!
No no, I’m sorry, I had to step away for a moment.
It’s okay, no problem.
Now tell me. I’m listening…………
Actually, your way of expressing yourself is exceptionally good. That’s what draws everyone to you like a magnet. Maybe you don’t even realize this yourself.
Hahahaha……….I’ve never thought of it that way.
Hmm.
Well, where did you find this ‘goodness’? I’m always teasing you, saying all sorts of nonsense to annoy you.
I’m not talking about chatting, I’m talking about the language of your writing, the language you speak. Actually, I’m feeling strange saying all this. I feel foolish. What am I even babbling about! I’m sorry. Please forget everything I’ve said. Erase every bit of these words from your memory. Please don’t misunderstand me. I never in my life stick to anyone like glue. I’m really not that kind of girl. I’m saying it again, I’m really sorry. I love to dream. Lost in dreams, I’ve said all sorts of confused things to you. You must have thought to yourself many times by now, “Look at this! Look at this little girl’s dramatics!”
I’ll only say this much—
whatever you think I’m thinking,
I’m not thinking any of it.
Or maybe, the way you’re
thinking about everything, I’m thinking
about everything in exactly the same way. Who can say!!!
I can’t think
of anything else! I think I’m going mad!