Okay.
There’s no point in hating yourself. Just reached the room. Need to freshen up and rush to the office. We’ll talk tonight. Bye.
Alright. Bye.
……………………………………………………………………………
Are you there?
I’m here. Go ahead.
I’m quite angry with you. You didn’t have to be so wonderful!
It wasn’t me—blame God for everything. He couldn’t manage to make me any less than this. If He could have, He would have. Why should I suffer your wrath for His limitations? Take your anger out on Him instead!
Exactly! He made the mistake, yet I have to bear the punishment for His error. This is not fair! I’m in such trouble. Save me!
……………………………………………………………………………………
What happened? Where are you? Why do you always have to be so busy? You shouldn’t be busy—you should just be here with me. I’m waiting, you know.
………………………………………………………………………………….
Busy bee! Come here for once! Just once!
Here I am! Good afternoon. Having lunch with a friend right now. Have you eaten? What were you doing? Where are you?
Nothing much worth mentioning. I’m at home. Haven’t eaten yet, will eat.
I see.
When will you be free?
You want to meet? Seriously? Please…………
No, I want to talk on the phone. I feel like getting intoxicated. You’re an intoxication! I’ll die from this addiction to you, but I won’t be able to let you go. I want to talk with you!
Not just talk—I’ll meet you. And today itself. I’ll call when I’m free.
Are you busy now? Will you really meet me? Can you manage today? When? Evening?
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
Are you there? Why can’t I reach you? I called twice. Both times it went to forwarding. How have you saved my number? Have I lost you? Weren’t we supposed to meet today? Where are you? Why all this busyness? Why don’t you drop everything and come to me!
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Busy bee! No response! How does it feel? You know, today I did some research and discovered something. You very cleverly hide a wonderful smile inside yourself. What’s the point of hiding it? Just give that smile once—any woman in the world would hide that smile in her heart and lock all the doors of her heart forever.
………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Imagination has no boundaries! How far one can travel on its wings! You can weave a life with someone you’ve never seen! You can fall in love with a smile you’ve never witnessed! You can effortlessly say words that were never spoken! You can fall in love laughing with someone who never looked up at you!
But eyes tell everything—everything!
—I wrote this for you. It didn’t turn out well, did it? Will I ever be able to write like you? I wrote as much as I could manage. I can’t paint my thoughts any better than this. Will you teach me to write like you? Please do! What harm could it do? I’ll end up saying all the words of love? So be it! No! I won’t be able to say everything—whatever I say, twice as much will remain inside my chest, never able to emerge. Please teach me a little! Let me become like you! What’s the harm?
Good night. We didn’t meet today. Another day, perhaps?
Listen to this! You’re too cute! Really, truly cute! Why are you so cute? I’m not well only because of this.
………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Did you eat at night? What if you sleep a little later? Are you upset with me for some reason?
Not at all. Can I ask a question?………..By the way, how are you? What are you doing now?
Nothing! Ask away, busy bee.
Nothing to ask really. Just said it casually.
No no, please ask! You have to ask. I’ll listen. You can say anything. Absolutely anything!
Can a person love two people equally at the same time?
Meaning?
Nothing. Go to sleep.
No, I won’t sleep. I want to know. Tell me what that means. You have to tell me!
Ask yourself.
What should I ask?
…………………………………………………………………………………………..
Busy bee! Don’t leave without saying this. Where did you go? Please!
Just a moment. One minute!
Alright.
………………………………………………………………………………………….
When will your ‘moment’ end? I’m sitting here waiting! I won’t sleep without talking to you! Why so busy? Busy bee! Are you writing? Why do you give everyone so much wisdom? Let me give you some wisdom? Here it is—stay this cute for your entire life, how’s that?
………………………………………………………………………………………….
Hi hi hi!! Where are you? I feel like dying! Busy bee!
………………………………………………………………………………………….
The next morning.
Sweet bee! How are you? Good morning.
Can I talk to you now?
Yes, but on one condition.
I’m ready to accept any condition. Tell me!
How’s my voice?
Intoxicating!
Ah….! You’ve said that before. Anything else?
Breathtaking!
Just that?
Be specific, busy bee! Tell me what you want to hear? Or you can say it yourself—what do you feel! Anything at all! If you speak from your heart, I won’t mind at all. I’m already in love with you! You’ve known this from the beginning. Whatever you say with your mouth, I know you’ve known and understood this for a long time.
Something starting with S?
Soothing!
Ugh! Go away!
Sexy! Happy? Is this the compliment you want to hear from me about your voice? But why?
That’s not it. You can say whatever comes to your mind.
I need to know something very clearly. Am I truly anything to you? Just because I think about you in a certain way doesn’t mean you have to think about me the same way. I’ve fallen in love with you. I’m not saying you have to fall in love with me too. You never signed any such contract. I just want to know your feelings about me. If you have no feelings, you can say that too. You don’t need to show any politeness in telling me your true feelings. Have you reserved any place in your heart for me at all?
Yes.
My God! Really? You’ve made my day!!! I’m truly sorry, busy bee. It wasn’t right for me to fall in love with you. Believe me, I tried so hard not to think about you! The more I tried, the more you came into my head! I don’t know when or how you became permanently embedded in my mind! I know you could dismiss me with disdain at any moment if you wanted. I also know my place is very insignificant in your mile-long fan list. Actually, after you knocked me, I couldn’t stay calm anymore. Until you knocked me, I had managed to hold myself together with great difficulty. You didn’t just knock me—you shook my entire world! Now I wait for you in my inbox all day. It makes me feel bad that you have to waste time reading such long, pointless texts from me! But what can I do? Don’t be afraid. I’ll step away. I promise, I won’t bother you anymore. One day I’ll move very far away from you. I don’t know why I’m writing all this. I’m consoling myself. These justifications aren’t for you—they’re for myself!
…………………………………………………………………………………
The next day.
Sweet bee! Good morning. Right after I sent you ‘yes’ yesterday, my mobile was snatched. I was crossing the road while chatting—in the blink of an eye, someone snatched the phone from my hand. I left Dhaka last night. I’m at the office now. Are you well? Have a good day. By the way, it’s fine to listen to the words of your heart. You may listen.
Are you okay? Nothing happened to you, right?
Yes, I’m fine.
Thank God! You’re saying I should listen to my heart. But my heart isn’t showing me any path that would lead me anywhere.
Still, I’ll say there’s no sin in loving someone and saying ‘I love you.’
Busy bee, have you ever felt me, even for a tenth of a second? Please answer!
……………………………………………………………………………………
Won’t you say anything? Should I understand in my own way? Tell me, where do you keep all this love from your admirers?
……………………………………………………………………………………
Where did you go? I sit in the chat room for hours just for you. Please send even a dot! Did you get my number? I had texted. My name was written there. Didn’t you notice? Is your number still the same? The old one?
……………………………………………………………………………………
Busy bee, you’re very well, aren’t you? Sometimes I feel like calling you ‘tumi.’ The thought itself feels strange! I understand I’m very insignificant compared to you, but I never bothered you on my own. After you knocked me, something moved violently inside me. I foolishly daydreamed for hours. Each hour felt like a day. I really want to know—what aspect of me suddenly became so unpleasant to you that you completely cut off contact? Is it that I don’t look good? You knew that from the beginning, didn’t you? Or do you simply not feel like communicating anymore? You could just give any excuse for that. There’s no shortage of excuses. I wait for you every moment. Why are you keeping me waiting like this? Can’t you just say something?
For the past few days, there was at least a sweet ache in my chest—now there’s a sense of humiliation instead. Maybe I shouldn’t have approached you. Where are you, and where am I! This gap has no sense of proportion! Katha understands this very well.
Anyway, take care.
P.S. Whenever I think of you, I play Temple Run. My score is quite high now!
……………………………………………………………………………………
The next day.
Are you hurt? How are you? I haven’t replied to anyone in the Facebook inbox for the past few days. I’m telling the absolute truth!
What’s the point of knowing?
Please forgive me. You probably don’t believe me. Many messages came that I didn’t even read.
I don’t hold onto anger.
Please don’t misunderstand.
What is there to misunderstand? My understanding doesn’t affect anything.
Do you really want to pull yourself away from me?
I don’t know, I know nothing. The truth is, I don’t want to. Coming close and then pulling away isn’t that easy.
My sweet B!
But something’s going wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong! I really am a stupid, confused idiot! Nothing will ever come of me.
…………………………………………………………………….
You said nothing at all. Tell me, have I become a bad person? I’m breaking the faith of a good man at every moment, crushing it to pieces. I’ve never even lied to him in my life, breaking faith is so far beyond that! And here I am! Do you think I’m a bad girl? I’m really not like that, believe me, I’m not. Then why can’t I pull myself out of this false dream?
You really are a good person. I know this and believe it from my heart. It’s only for this quality that I like you so much. It would have been wonderful to meet you. You really are extraordinary!
Please, don’t say such things. I’m disgusted with myself. Everything is gradually falling apart. For the past four years I’ve been fighting with my family to make them accept my relationship. Now when I’ve almost convinced everyone, just then I’m feeling this strange attraction for someone else, and this feeling is quite intense. What’s happening to me? I’m not a teenager anymore! Then why am I thinking about life like they do?
Don’t you love your feelings? Ask your heart. Some things in this world don’t have reasons to be found. They should be allowed to flow as they are. That seems better.
But isn’t this betrayal?
There are some mistakes that remain undone, and one spends their entire life regretting not making them. Why not? Let’s make some mistakes. Life has its accounts to settle! Mistakes are part of life too! If we can’t love them, we’ll lose our love for life itself. I know, many people see life differently. Everyone thinks and calculates life’s equations in their own way. Many don’t add up, but those too can be kept in life or discarded according to convenience. Taking some from the heart, adjusting to some—this is life!
Whatever you say, I feel like a very helpless, disgusting, awful, bizarre person.
Drop it………what are you doing now?
Teaching students. What do you do?
…………………………………………………………………….
What happened? Busy?
My head is suddenly throbbing terribly. Give it a rub, won’t you!
Hmm. Why the sudden headache?
I don’t know!
Not because of me? You know. Why won’t you tell me why you have a headache? Do I talk too much with you?
Ugh!
Ugh! Why?
I feel like grabbing and hitting you! Ugh! Headache! Unbearable! It’s as if the inside of my head is tearing apart!
Sorry! I won’t bother you anymore. You rest a bit. I’ll knock in a couple of hours.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Okay now?
Much better. How are you? Did you eat dinner?
Busy B, whether I ate or didn’t eat, does it really matter to you?
Give me your number, I’ll call you. The old one is showing offline.
I texted from my new number with my name. You didn’t save it. Meaning, you didn’t feel the need to save it.
Come on! Why are you being like this?
……………………………………………………..
Hey………..won’t you give it?
No, I won’t. You didn’t save my number, which means you don’t need to keep it. If you needed to keep it, you would have saved it, right? Mister Popular! I’m not on your priority list. Of course, it’s not that big a deal! Whatever!
………………………………………………………………………………..
Listen, I want to know something. You have so many female fans, you love women so much, and you’ve never felt like saying “I love you” to anyone? Or, has no woman ever said “I love you”? Do I have to believe this too?
…………………………………………………………………………………
What happened? Where are you? The man just goes to sleep without saying anything! I stay awake all night and he sleeps! Good, very good. Let me be punished!
Next day.
Do you speak a little less on the phone?
Meaning?
No, it just seemed that way to me.
Why did it seem so?
It just seemed so………….
That’s not an answer. Just because you feel like it, it has to be true? And where’s the answer to the question I asked yesterday?
Which one? Whether anyone proposed, that one?
Hmm.
Of course they have! I have too. That’s natural, isn’t it?
Then? You say you can’t get a girlfriend? Why did you turn everyone away?
For the same reason many have turned me away! Actually I didn’t turn them away, my heart turned them away.
Why did your heart turn them away? What’s its problem?
I don’t know that, the heart knows!
You’re saying no one has ever touched your heart? Thinking of someone has never made your heartbeat race? After seeing someone, have you never felt flutters in your stomach? This can’t be possible!
I won’t say no one ever touched my heart. Or that everyone turned me away. But there were some problems. Those problems weren’t my fault, but I was the victim.
Like what?
Many kinds. For instance, some were married, some engaged, some from different religions, or everything was fine but the family didn’t agree. Like that!
I see. Now? What do you want now?
What do I want? The one who was sent to this world for me, I haven’t met her yet. Or, I have, but the time hasn’t come yet. We’re waiting for each other. Our lives are now in the waiting phase.
Hmm. Aren’t you looking yourself?
Not that actively, no.
But why?
Actually I haven’t thought about it that much yet.
Good then! Your female fans will have more time to dream about you. Loving a married man feels somehow uncomfortable! Loving you has this peaceful feeling. This wonderful man has no girlfriend, no wife. Even thinking about it feels great! Did I say something wrong?
No no! What are you saying! How can you ever say anything wrong? You know, I’m coming to Dhaka. Also, did you eat dinner? What are you doing now?
When are you coming?
The eleven-thirty bus.
I forgot to have lunch today, so I just finished lunch(!!) now. Why are you coming to Dhaka?
An official assignment. I’ll return Saturday night.
The night journey is wonderful! I love it. How do you like it? Do you sleep on journeys?
Two answers: Love it a lot. Yes. ……… What are you doing?
Reading a book. Nishikutumb by Manoj Bose. Have you read it?
No, haven’t read it yet. Busy?
Let me go pray first. Wait.
…………………………………………………..
Hey there sleepy head! Sleepy?
…………………………………………………..
What are you doing?
……………………………………………….
Must have fallen asleep. Alright, sleep well. Good night.
What was my sweet B doing awake all this time?
Fighting with my boyfriend.
Why? What did the poor guy do? What was the fight about?
About nothing. I felt like fighting, so I did. I’m going to fight with my boyfriend. I’m not going to fight with someone else’s boyfriend. What’s the point of love if you can’t fight? In this world, if nothing else, you need at least one person to fight with. How do you manage without fighting with anyone?
I see.
You understand nothing. Sohan scolded me because you liked my profile picture. He told me to block you. He says you’re bad. The moment I protested, the fight began.
Oh my! There’s nothing to fight about over this. In the eyes of all boyfriends in the world, boys who like their girlfriends’ pictures and make nice comments are definitely bad boys. It’s very natural!
But he doesn’t even know you. He feels insecure because you liked my photo. He’s been imagining all sorts of things about you in his head. He’s started befriending people who speak badly of you out of jealousy. Every enemy of yours is Sohan’s friend. Whatever they say, if it’s something negative about you, Sohan will believe it. Isn’t that strange? We fought about all this.
I see. He’s imagining all this about me without even knowing me? Interesting!
He thinks you’ll steal me away from him.
Hahahahaha……………I will though! He’s thinking correctly!
Oh really?
Yes.
How?
I don’t know that! I’ll have to figure something out. I’ll need your help for this. Willing?
How will I help?
Before that, tell me, are we meeting someday? Friday? Or Saturday?
You once said you never meet the princesses you dream of. Then why would you meet me? Or am I not among them? Hahahaha………….
So we’re not meeting? Okay, no problem.
‘Okay no problem’ means there is a problem. Actually, he never leaves me alone. He thinks everyone in the world is just waiting to steal me from him. Ridiculous!
Okay.
There’s no point in hating yourself. Just reached the room. Need to freshen up and rush to the office. We’ll talk tonight. Bye.
Alright. Bye.
……………………………………………………………………………
Are you there?
I’m here. Go ahead.
I’m quite angry with you. You didn’t have to be so wonderful!
It wasn’t me—blame God for everything. He couldn’t manage to make me any less than this. If He could have, He would have. Why should I suffer your wrath for His limitations? Take your anger out on Him instead!
Exactly! He made the mistake, yet I have to bear the punishment for His error. This is not fair! I’m in such trouble. Save me!
……………………………………………………………………………………
What happened? Where are you? Why do you always have to be so busy? You shouldn’t be busy—you should just be here with me. I’m waiting, you know.
………………………………………………………………………………….
Busy bee! Come here for once! Just once!
Here I am! Good afternoon. Having lunch with a friend right now. Have you eaten? What were you doing? Where are you?
Nothing much worth mentioning. I’m at home. Haven’t eaten yet, will eat.
I see.
When will you be free?
You want to meet? Seriously? Please…………
No, I want to talk on the phone. I feel like getting intoxicated. You’re an intoxication! I’ll die from this addiction to you, but I won’t be able to let you go. I want to talk with you!
Not just talk—I’ll meet you. And today itself. I’ll call when I’m free.
Are you busy now? Will you really meet me? Can you manage today? When? Evening?
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
Are you there? Why can’t I reach you? I called twice. Both times it went to forwarding. How have you saved my number? Have I lost you? Weren’t we supposed to meet today? Where are you? Why all this busyness? Why don’t you drop everything and come to me!
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Busy bee! No response! How does it feel? You know, today I did some research and discovered something. You very cleverly hide a wonderful smile inside yourself. What’s the point of hiding it? Just give that smile once—any woman in the world would hide that smile in her heart and lock all the doors of her heart forever.
………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Imagination has no boundaries! How far one can travel on its wings! You can weave a life with someone you’ve never seen! You can fall in love with a smile you’ve never witnessed! You can effortlessly say words that were never spoken! You can fall in love laughing with someone who never looked up at you!
But eyes tell everything—everything!
—I wrote this for you. It didn’t turn out well, did it? Will I ever be able to write like you? I wrote as much as I could manage. I can’t paint my thoughts any better than this. Will you teach me to write like you? Please do! What harm could it do? I’ll end up saying all the words of love? So be it! No! I won’t be able to say everything—whatever I say, twice as much will remain inside my chest, never able to emerge. Please teach me a little! Let me become like you! What’s the harm?
Good night. We didn’t meet today. Another day, perhaps?
Listen to this! You’re too cute! Really, truly cute! Why are you so cute? I’m not well only because of this.
………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Did you eat at night? What if you sleep a little later? Are you upset with me for some reason?
Not at all. Can I ask a question?………..By the way, how are you? What are you doing now?
Nothing! Ask away, busy bee.
Nothing to ask really. Just said it casually.
No no, please ask! You have to ask. I’ll listen. You can say anything. Absolutely anything!
Can a person love two people equally at the same time?
Meaning?
Nothing. Go to sleep.
No, I won’t sleep. I want to know. Tell me what that means. You have to tell me!
Ask yourself.
What should I ask?
…………………………………………………………………………………………..
Busy bee! Don’t leave without saying this. Where did you go? Please!
Just a moment. One minute!
Alright.
………………………………………………………………………………………….
When will your ‘moment’ end? I’m sitting here waiting! I won’t sleep without talking to you! Why so busy? Busy bee! Are you writing? Why do you give everyone so much wisdom? Let me give you some wisdom? Here it is—stay this cute for your entire life, how’s that?
………………………………………………………………………………………….
Hi hi hi!! Where are you? I feel like dying! Busy bee!
………………………………………………………………………………………….
The next morning.
Sweet bee! How are you? Good morning.
Can I talk to you now?
Yes, but on one condition.
I’m ready to accept any condition. Tell me!
How’s my voice?
Intoxicating!
Ah….! You’ve said that before. Anything else?
Breathtaking!
Just that?
Be specific, busy bee! Tell me what you want to hear? Or you can say it yourself—what do you feel! Anything at all! If you speak from your heart, I won’t mind at all. I’m already in love with you! You’ve known this from the beginning. Whatever you say with your mouth, I know you’ve known and understood this for a long time.
Something starting with S?
Soothing!
Ugh! Go away!
Sexy! Happy? Is this the compliment you want to hear from me about your voice? But why?
That’s not it. You can say whatever comes to your mind.
I need to know something very clearly. Am I truly anything to you? Just because I think about you in a certain way doesn’t mean you have to think about me the same way. I’ve fallen in love with you. I’m not saying you have to fall in love with me too. You never signed any such contract. I just want to know your feelings about me. If you have no feelings, you can say that too. You don’t need to show any politeness in telling me your true feelings. Have you reserved any place in your heart for me at all?
Yes.
My God! Really? You’ve made my day!!! I’m truly sorry, busy bee. It wasn’t right for me to fall in love with you. Believe me, I tried so hard not to think about you! The more I tried, the more you came into my head! I don’t know when or how you became permanently embedded in my mind! I know you could dismiss me with disdain at any moment if you wanted. I also know my place is very insignificant in your mile-long fan list. Actually, after you knocked me, I couldn’t stay calm anymore. Until you knocked me, I had managed to hold myself together with great difficulty. You didn’t just knock me—you shook my entire world! Now I wait for you in my inbox all day. It makes me feel bad that you have to waste time reading such long, pointless texts from me! But what can I do? Don’t be afraid. I’ll step away. I promise, I won’t bother you anymore. One day I’ll move very far away from you. I don’t know why I’m writing all this. I’m consoling myself. These justifications aren’t for you—they’re for myself!
…………………………………………………………………………………
The next day.
Sweet bee! Good morning. Right after I sent you ‘yes’ yesterday, my mobile was snatched. I was crossing the road while chatting—in the blink of an eye, someone snatched the phone from my hand. I left Dhaka last night. I’m at the office now. Are you well? Have a good day. By the way, it’s fine to listen to the words of your heart. You may listen.
Are you okay? Nothing happened to you, right?
Yes, I’m fine.
Thank God! You’re saying I should listen to my heart. But my heart isn’t showing me any path that would lead me anywhere.
Still, I’ll say there’s no sin in loving someone and saying ‘I love you.’
Busy bee, have you ever felt me, even for a tenth of a second? Please answer!
……………………………………………………………………………………
Won’t you say anything? Should I understand in my own way? Tell me, where do you keep all this love from your admirers?
……………………………………………………………………………………
Where did you go? I sit in the chat room for hours just for you. Please send even a dot! Did you get my number? I had texted. My name was written there. Didn’t you notice? Is your number still the same? The old one?
……………………………………………………………………………………
Busy bee, you’re very well, aren’t you? Sometimes I feel like calling you ‘tumi.’ The thought itself feels strange! I understand I’m very insignificant compared to you, but I never bothered you on my own. After you knocked me, something moved violently inside me. I foolishly daydreamed for hours. Each hour felt like a day. I really want to know—what aspect of me suddenly became so unpleasant to you that you completely cut off contact? Is it that I don’t look good? You knew that from the beginning, didn’t you? Or do you simply not feel like communicating anymore? You could just give any excuse for that. There’s no shortage of excuses. I wait for you every moment. Why are you keeping me waiting like this? Can’t you just say something?
For the past few days, there was at least a sweet ache in my chest—now there’s a sense of humiliation instead. Maybe I shouldn’t have approached you. Where are you, and where am I! This gap has no sense of proportion! Katha understands this very well.
Anyway, take care.
P.S. Whenever I think of you, I play Temple Run. My score is quite high now!
……………………………………………………………………………………
The next day.
Are you hurt? How are you? I haven’t replied to anyone in the Facebook inbox for the past few days. I’m telling the absolute truth!
What’s the point of knowing?
Please forgive me. You probably don’t believe me. Many messages came that I didn’t even read.
I don’t hold onto anger.
Please don’t misunderstand.
What is there to misunderstand? My understanding doesn’t affect anything.