Are you there?
I can see that. Go ahead.
How are you?
Why would I be unwell?
Oh my, did I say that?
Just because you wanted to hear ‘I’m fine,’ you asked that?
That’s what everyone does, isn’t it?
I’ve never lived with such constraints. What’s the point of saying ‘I’m fine’ even when you’re not? I say it like it is.
Well then, tell me how it is.
Alright, I’m doing well enough. Getting by…….. You really are yourself, aren’t you?
Meaning?
Actually, I can’t believe my own eyes. I read you so much! And here you are saying ‘hello’ to me! If Srijato had said ‘hello’ to you, you’d have been startled, wouldn’t you? But this can’t be a dream either. Lately I’ve almost stopped dreaming even in my sleep! Just pinched myself to check—no! I’m definitely awake!
Oh goodness! Such heavy talk! Should I leave?
No sir! Since you’ve already come, stay a little while! I promise I won’t bother you.
If you don’t bother me, what’s the point of staying?
You want me to bother you?
Something like that! It doesn’t feel bad when beautiful women bother you. Well, it’s been a long time since we became virtual friends. Thought this little hello wouldn’t hurt. I’m the one who came knocking at your door uninvited!
To tell you the truth, I never had the courage!
Good excuse!
Not at all, sir! You added me to your friends list ages ago! Can’t even remember how long. Could I message you? What if I got scolded! While giving a scolding might feel good, receiving one feels just as bad. ……… Hey, hey, hey! It really is you, isn’t it? I’m still trembling! Literally! I’m afraid to believe it! Having a conversation with Aniket babu! This actually happens!
Ugh! Alright then, keep trembling. I’m going. Good night, madam. Happy Shaking!
No way! What’s this? Do I seem foolish to you? Or are you getting annoyed? You’re not thinking of me as some ‘uninvited cockroach in your food,’ are you?
It’s not me who’s getting annoyed, it’s you. Otherwise why are you overreacting and trying to chase me away? A roundabout goodbye is quite obvious. If you don’t feel like talking, just say so. Straight up! Direct is better. Less misunderstanding.
Forgive me. If all of life’s accounts could be settled directly, I’d have been saved! What actually happened is, someone like you messaged me, and it’s taking a while for the amazement to wear off. That’s all!
Again! Can’t you talk without thinking of me as ‘someone like’ that? What’s your problem, tell me? Think simply, be simple. You’ll see that I’ll seem simple too. I am simple, that’s why I only like simple things. Simple relationships, simple people, simple conversations. Like that.
Are you comfortable now?
Alright, sir! This time I’ll keep it simple and just say a proper ‘hi’ without overthinking anything! I feel honoured, Sir!
Listen, I was the one who knocked, not you. What does that mean?
That’s true. Yes,
I’d have to call it my good fortune.
I love you, I mean your writing, so much
that chatting so casually just didn’t feel right. I’m your fan, you know!
Being a fan is good.
Power cuts, not so much. Look, you keep putting me in terrible discomfort. It feels like you’ll keep doing it. Discomfort has many friends;
it’s very sociable too, never travels alone. In a little while I’ll see the rest showing up too! Then I’ll even forget to run away!
Better to escape while there’s still time! Take care. Bye bye.
You’re just too much!
You won’t leave, I know. You’re just scaring me with threats of leaving me all alone. Drama!
Who am I to leave you
all alone?
Well, you’re right there on the other side of my inbox! If you leave, won’t I be left alone on this side? Just like that! Nothing more than that for now. So, how are you?
Same as you. Getting cut,
but no blood coming out.
What were you doing?
I was thinking about
knocking on your door, and while thinking
I just went ahead and did it.
Really?
Good good! Why were you up so late? Do you often
stay awake like this?
I was reading.
Oh……shirt and pants?
Or something else?
Still wearing them! Those things
don’t need to be taken off that often. Not even at this hour! My misfortune!
I apologize, and I seek blessings too. I’m holding my ears! What book were you reading?
The Madwoman in the Attic;
by Chinmoy Guha. Have you read it?
Some translation or what?
That gentleman’s French translation
work is excellent!
No! A collection of
essays. You should read it. You’ll like it. After that, pick up ‘Pushing Open the Door of Sleep’. I can bet your head will spin
seeing the sharpness of the writing!
I can’t even catch up
reading just you. When will I read other books? You know, you tell me to read books and then you yourself don’t let me read. Not once, I’ve read several pieces
several times over! And here I am chatting with you! Can you believe it! Everything feels so
strange somehow!
Again!! I’m getting really angry
now! What’s wrong with not saying it that way? I don’t like it!
Okay okay,
sorry sorry! Do you like
Chekhov’s stories?
How can such stories not
be likeable? If you had asked, do you like listening to Manna Dey?
I would have thought you were thinking I don’t understand music at all!
Sorry sorry! I asked
like a fool! Actually, I’m still nervous.
If you were right in front of me
this very moment, I’d pick you up and slam you down!
Okay sir,
no problem!
Meaning?
I’m throwing down
the gauntlet of defeat!
What’s this now?
Remember Babli from
Buddhadeb Guha’s stories? I am Babli.
First try to lift me up! Then we can talk about throwing me down! I’m game! Hehehe……
Ah, I see.
What do you see,
sir?
You’re a bookworm
and you’re challenging me to defeat you. That’s what I understand.
Hmm, I see.
What do you see again? I haven’t explained anything yet!
I see that you don’t understand anything.
Oh my! You’re quite
the talent, I see!
What did you just say,
Mr. Chowdhury? We may be fools, but there’s no shortage of wisdom in our bellies. When you torment us like this, it hurts deep in the liver of our hearts! Ahhhhhhh…………!!
Yes, I did. I gave you grief. Why? Don’t you get it?
Of course I get it!
You know, my mom torments me too.
She says I’m a caterpillar, only know how to eat
and sleep. Truth is, nobody can stand fat girls. Not at home,
not outside. Nobody! It hurts so much! Boohoo…….
Oh my! You know
two things? I thought
you were…….
Good for nothing!
Is that it?
Oh no! Good
for……. well, never mind. Let me interview you a bit, how about it?
Okay sir!
Where do you live?
What do you do? What do you eat? How many teeth? How many hairs? How many toes?………. What else am I supposed to ask, I’ve forgotten!
I live in Dhaka,
I’m omnivorous, I wander around, one and a half teeth short, 537,324 hairs; and like all fat girls in the world, I’m quite the chatterbox type. Like girls of the Airavat clan, I too can charm boys with beautiful pronunciation and chatter. Anything else, please? Ask away quickly! I’m dying to answer, feeling restless,
my stomach’s rumbling!
If I can’t answer I’ll burst and die! Please help me!
You’re the chatty
type? At first I thought
you were the boring type!
Oh sir,
that’s just a strategy girls use
to break the ice! You write so much, and you don’t understand this?
Really? I was thinking you were
a distinguished intellectual woman. That’s why I was trying to escape!
Where will you run?
…….. I didn’t say anything to you,
I mentioned a movie name. Have
you seen the film?
Nah! Your
favorite?
Pleeeease! Don’t
talk like that………..it hits right in the chest!
Hahahahahaha………….I’m
withdrawing my initial assessment!
Listen, I’m totally raw, dumb, genuine type! I eat, hang out, sleep and get scolded by mom. That’s life!
Good good! That’s my type! Where do you live in Dhaka?
Banani. Won’t you read the book?
No, I’ll read it later, not in the mood now.
Alright, fine. What will you do now?
Lay eggs.
You can’t, sir! You haven’t been given that power. If you were a girl, I might have accepted it.
Is that so? Can you lay them?
Of course! Girls lay them! Didn’t you study biology?
Well I mean, forget it!
Aha! You’re misunderstanding! We are girls. Even if we don’t lay eggs, we give birth to children.
Are you married? Or not yet?
Which answer would make it comfortable for you to talk to me?
If you tell me which would be convenient, it’ll be easier to give you the answer.
Oh my goodness! You scared me! No, I’m not married.
I see. BF?
Best friend?
Whatever came to your mind first when you asked this question, that’s what I’m talking about.
Yes, I have one. So?
Aha! Well nothing worth mentioning has happened yet.
And it won’t either, you can trust me on that.
I didn’t mean that. Well then, you’re worry-free!
Why do you say that? From his side? Yes, he’s quite good actually. A bit silly, innocent type, good person. Silly boys are good for falling in love with.
No, not from that angle. Having a BF means you have a huge asset in your hands. In these times of scarcity, having a BF/GF is a major asset!
I know. That’s why I stick around even after silently digesting all of mom’s endless scolding. But sometimes it’s a liability too.
Wouldn’t you be willing to endure a little trouble for some peace of mind? How can that be? The poet said, “The more the love, the more the pain, which fool falls in love!” Haven’t you read it? ………. By the way, which year was your SSC?
Hahahaha……you could have just asked my age directly!
Meaning?
Boys always ask girls that question in a roundabout way to find out their age! Okay, I’ll tell you. 2009.
Ehh! Why am I being so formal with this little kid? Mine was 2002.
I know!
How do you know? You need a proper beating! Why didn’t you tell me earlier? What’s with all this formal addressing!
Oh my! Why would I tell you? It was fun! Someone older addressing me formally! Isn’t it amusing?
Right? Ugh!
Everyone calls me
tui. I’m the youngest, that’s why. Don’t I deserve to hear aapni like the grown-ups? Oh right, I’m only older than my little brother. But he calls me tui too. What a little monkey! Makes me want to smack him whenever I see him!
Total rotten girl,
that’s what!
Ehhhh!! I’m
very good, I just eat and
sleep, don’t even have time
for any bad stuff.
Rotten, totally rotten! That’s why even when the grown-ups use aapni-aapni you don’t say anything.
Why would I? I actually enjoy hearing it! Hihihihi………
Really need to give you
a good beating!
I’ve taken plenty of
beatings in my life, don’t get scared anymore,
I’ve become an expert at it,
you see. I know by heart which spots hurt the least when you get hit!
Should I say by heart?
No need,
that’s obvious enough.
You’re always getting beaten up anyway!
It’s not just that I get
beaten up. I beat up my
boyfriend too. People I don’t like, I beat them up. People I do like, I beat them up even more.
Hey listen! Find me
a girlfriend or a wife! Seriously!
Why me? Where would I find all that stuff?
Ugh! Why?
Are all your friends
engaged?
They’re not engaged,
they’re all married!
Some even have kids. I’ve named four of their babies. Should I tell you the names?
What are you saying! Why do these tiny little girls get married? This looks like proper child marriage!
What nonsense you talk!
Everyone tells me the opposite, that I’m the one who’s
getting too late!
Never mind, I won’t say anything.
What’s the point of
saying anything anyway? Who understands an unlucky soul’s pain? Wherever the unlucky one looks, the beauties run away………
Oh, so I’m unlucky, am I?
No no, I was talking about myself.
Oh I see, got it. Total little devil!
You didn’t get anything.
And you’re unlucky? Well said indeed!
No no, truly truly unlucky!
Of course you are, of course
you are! Just a little too smart, a little too
creative, a little too
good-looking, that’s all! I don’t really see
anything else special about you! You really are unlucky!
Couldn’t even manage
to get one girlfriend, and you’re talking back!
Stop showing off. Go to sleep!
I wasn’t showing off,
sir! If I was showing off, you wouldn’t have been able
to handle it!
Oh really?
I wouldn’t have been able to handle it?
Yup, that’s right!
You have no idea
about me at all!
Just giving you a heads up!
What good are you anyway?
I get it now—why this guy is still single. Though honestly, some people are better off staying single!
What’s that supposed to mean? You looking for a beating?
Hey! It’s not that simple. Just talking for now! The beating comes later. Let me finish first.
Go on then, what were you saying!
Why are you getting angry, sir? If people like you weren’t single, how would everyone else think of you as their own? I’m actually an expert in these matters! So I know what I’m talking about! You could say it’s taken from life itself!
Unbearable! You’re really pushing it now!
What’s wrong with a little pushing!
I really should grab you and give you a proper thrashing!
But I’m a good person, a sweet girl! Why would you beat me, huh? And what you’ve seen of my teasing? That hasn’t even started yet!
Right, right, absolutely right. I understand everything now.
If you understand, that’s good, and if you don’t, that’s even better! Come on, let’s make a movie: The More You Know, The More You Burn!
Listen here, little one! I’m leaving today! Really sleepy. Got work tomorrow! Bye bye.
If you’re eighty, then I’m ninety! Okay okay! Bye-bye! Sleep tight!
Good night. Take care.
You too. And listen, listen! Watch out! Don’t you dare dream about anyone else but me!
May ghosts visit your dreams! Amen!
I don’t see ghosts and stuff. My sleep is too deep. Ghosts see me and yawn themselves to sleep before leaving.
Fine then, may a ghost wake you up and give you a kiss! Amen!
Now you’re getting somewhere! May a fairy disturb your sleep! Amen!
Oh my! If only………..!
But you’re free. You can have any fairy you want!
Nobody understands, nobody understands, nobody cares, nobody cares! Waaaaaah………..
Aww! Okay, I’ll pray for you! May lots of sweet, sweet fairies come into your life!
No more! Stop with the prayers.
Why?
Because sleep is coming! And I am going! Bye bye.
Oh I see, you already have a fairy, don’t you? Then why did you lie for no reason? I suspected it all along!
Think whatever you want! It’s 3 AM! Oh my God! Waaaaah……why didn’t I notice before? You really do need a beating! Immediately! You little gecko-woman! Grrrrr…….bye!
Hehehe! There he goes! Happy midnight, you white kitten! Meow meow meow………
The next morning.
I thought about it,
you’re so cute
that it’s impossible
to stay angry with you. Being this cute is a crime against humanity!
What’s your angle?
Come on, spill it!
Nothing at all. Why
were you talking so harshly yesterday, hmm? Whatever! I forgive
you! Something occurred to me after seeing your status: the one who just stays at home isn’t really a housewife—the wife who can turn a house into a home, she’s the real housewife! Not everyone can do that. I pray
for you, sir: get yourself
a housewife!
What are you saying, girl?
You’ve made me so happy!
Good morning, madam!
Good morning! Aren’t you
going to the office?
Ugh! If only I didn’t
have to go! The office is the most wretched place in the world! Alas! But still I have to go to that place! Otherwise life itself
becomes wretched! …….. Hey girl! Don’t you sleep? When did you wake up?
Just got up. I’m
the night owl type, you know, I sleep late at night. When did you wake up?
Just a little while ago.
Classes are off right now,
so it’s nothing but bliss!
Once classes start, all my happiness will vanish!
Hmm.
I’ve been taking morning
shift classes since my college days. Yet I still
haven’t been able to get used to it. And I probably never will.
Which college were you at?
Holy Cross. You?
Chittagong College.
So, do you like your job? Do you enjoy your work?
Enjoyable Job—It’s an oxymoron, dear!
Exactly! How do people
even manage to work! I can’t even imagine working! I’d rather
live peacefully without any job!
And I can’t even stand
talking about work. How people can go on and on about their jobs for hours!
It makes me sick just watching!
They don’t have anything
else to talk about! What else can the poor souls do!
Maybe! If I wasn’t
absolutely forced to, I wouldn’t work, you know?
Who’s forcing you,
I’d like to know?
My middle-class
family structure! The middle class either has to work or look for ways to die. I work because I’m a poor man’s son, understand? Otherwise I would have long ago………..
You can say that when
you have a job. If you didn’t have one, let’s see what you’d say!
You crafty woman!
Hush! Don’t you have any other topics to discuss besides work?
Okay okay, no more work talk. Tell me, what would you like to talk about?
Come, let’s talk about talk itself.
No objection. What kind of
talk about talk would you like to have? Tell me!
your head.
Alright?
Listening to you,
it sounds like you’ve gone back
to being a teenager. And a girlish teenager at that!
Hehehehehe………..
Agreed!
Happy?
Did that upset you?
Oh no! What are you
saying? I feel absolutely wonderful. I’m so happy I’ve already danced twice! Should I dance again?
Wow! You can
dance too?
Of course! I used to
dance regularly on Bangladesh Radio. I can sing too. Should I sing for you in your inbox?
Why not? Absolutely, absolutely! What a versatile genius! How do you even sleep with all these
talents?
With my head
under the pillow.
Brilliant! And here I am,
completely talentless!
Talentless? I thought you were more like a potato!
You could say that too.
My cheeks are like round potatoes. My boyfriend keeps grabbing and pulling them and giving them little taps.
Actually, I haven’t really asked you
much about yourself. How rude of me!
Exactly! Go on, go on,
ask away quickly! I’m getting ready! Ready one two three……..
You tell me,
what do you want to share! So,
what do you like?
What do you dislike?
Who do you like?
Who don’t you like?
I like noodles.
I like yogurt. I like coffee. What I don’t like, I can’t remember.
With all the food
in the world, why noodles? What’s special about them?
Because I haven’t
tried all the food in the world yet.
But you’ve tried
plenty of foods, haven’t you? The other two are fine, I like them too. But why noodles? What’s so special about them?
They’re long and thin
like earthworms! When I eat them, I imagine the earthworms sliding into my stomach, wriggling around
in there…….
Ugh! Stop it!
You’re disgusting! Okay, you like girls in pink
chiffon saris, don’t you?
Who told you that?
I read it in your
writing.
Oh, I see.
What? Getting tired of all this back-and-forth chatter? I told you I’m quite the chatterbox!
Can you eat a girl
in a pink chiffon sari? Why is this coming up in a discussion about food?
I was talking about
preferences, and preferences don’t have to be limited to food, you know.
Then I’d have to
mention so many things! Like, for instance, I like your profile picture too.
Oh my! That makes
me so happy! Now what happens?
But I really
meant that.
Oh my, oh my!! What should I do now? Should I just jump off the bed onto the floor and commit my very first suicide?
No! Eat rat poison and die!
What are you even saying! There’ll be no dignity left! It’ll be splashed across the papers in big letters: “Man Dies After Eating Rat Poison! (With Photo)” If you have something better in mind, please tell me! Anyway, what else do you like about me?
Your eyes, the way you look at things, your smile, your lips, your chin, the back of your left hand………shall I go on?
When did you see my hand, sir?
In the photo.
You noticed that closely? I’m truly embarrassed! The word itself is embarrassed! You’re quite something!
Why? What’s there to be embarrassed about? Are you a little boy or something?
It’s not that. Actually, I’m not used to hearing such beautiful things about my beautiful aspects.
Oh my! What a heart of stone your boyfriend has! Or are his eyes made of stone?
What can I do, tell me! You know, I only get scolded. I keep making mistakes, that’s why! Listen, tell me this—don’t I have the right to make mistakes with people close to me? Then where am I supposed to make my mistakes?
Scolding and talking about physical beauty are two different things. You can certainly talk about a person’s beauty, even while scolding them. No beautiful woman is exempt from scolding, you know! Even Aishwarya gets scolded.
Oh no! What are you saying! When you look at very beautiful people, you lose the mood to scold them! That’s why I think very beautiful people don’t get scolded that much. Why wasn’t I born beautiful? I won’t play this game!
Stop being so dramatic! According to your logic, you shouldn’t be getting scolded that much either. You’re beautiful too!
There you go again with the sweet talk! Why do you do this? What have I done?
No, no! I’m being completely honest!
Everyone around me that I see is so much more beautiful than I am. It’s just beauty everywhere, everywhere except me! I often feel low!
No, no, you’re thinking wrong. I haven’t seen many people who can smile as beautifully as you do.
Yes, I’ve heard praise for my smile. That’s the one thing I can do well. So I smile a lot! At least it makes me look somewhat pretty! One of my favorite teachers taught me this trick.
I don’t know what you think of yourself. But I think you’re beautiful. Beauty isn’t just about the body—beauty has many dimensions. Considering everything, I’m telling you, you are beautiful.
Alright, I’ll accept your compliment with my heart, whether I’m beautiful or not.
Well, I should go.
Why? Busy?
No, that’s not it. Actually, I don’t feel like talking to you anymore. You keep thinking that I’m lying. What’s the point of talking to a liar? That’s why I’m leaving.
Why are you so angry, hmm? Should I just sit here accepting whatever women say? Should I leave without claiming even the little bit of joy that wasn’t expressed? Women do that on purpose, you know—they act coy so that men will keep praising their beauty more and more. Don’t you understand? I didn’t say you were lying. Actually, I’m still not used to hearing such wonderful things about myself. What can I do, tell me! I can’t accept such amazing words! No one says them! Really, no one does!
Alright, fine. Everyone is slowly going blind, I understand once more. The people who can call beauty beautiful are disappearing.
Let’s change the subject, shall we? You have so many books. You read a lot too. I don’t have that many books, and I read even less. Tell me, have you read Memoirs of a Geisha? It’s one of my favorite books.
No, I have the book but haven’t read it yet, though I’ve seen the movie. It’s a movie I really loved.
You remember Sayuri, don’t you?
How could one forget her?
You know, right now I feel like I’m Sayuri myself. I’m drowning in some kind of trance. Everything seems like a dream. Maybe it’s woven from lies, but still, I feel like living in it so much right now.
Hahahaha………..
You laughed?
Just because! I felt like it.
Laugh, keep laughing. It’s good for your health.
Alright. Hahahaha……………hehehehe……………hihihihi………………hohohohoho…………….
You know, for the past two weeks I can’t figure out what to do my Master’s in. I’m in a dilemma.
I don’t know anything about your subject.
I know that, that’s why I didn’t ask for advice. Well, can I ask you something?
Go ahead.
Do girls who are younger than you seem childish to you? Because you’re more mature than them. Right?
Where? Not at all!
I often wonder what men actually think about me! I mean, what goes on in their minds about me? Or does anything go on at all?
I don’t lie, remember that.
Then what’s your judgment about me?
I don’t like being judgmental. Everyone has their own life. What do I have to say about other people’s lives?
Still, tell me about me. I won’t mind at all, in fact I’ll be happy.
See, didn’t I just tell you so many things? Those very things! Nothing more.
What you said,
and what I understood—
only Allah knows.
Good question though, what are
the things you dislike most?
Should I list them one by one?
Go ahead! Tell me
the worst one first.
Hypocrisy. I simply
can’t stand it! I’d rather be a scoundrel than a hypocrite.
Absolutely right!
You’ve hit the nail on the head! People whose eyes don’t smile, only their lips do—that kind of fake smile makes my skin crawl.
They’ll say all the right things to your face, then go behind your back and trash you,
and when the moment’s right they’ll
plunge the knife straight between your shoulder blades. If you’re going to stab someone, real people stab you in the chest, not the back. I’m truly fed up. All around me
I see mostly them. I despise them. I feel so out of place myself.
A person with
two faces: one real, the other a mask—
no matter how educated,
progressive, or highly positioned they are, they can never be a good friend. I’ve always
despised such people, I despise them now,
and I’ll go on despising them. Once
I realize someone’s a hypocrite, I can never
accept them from the heart. What I have to say, I say straight out,
what I need to hear, I prefer to hear directly. Why should I have to rack my brains
to speak? I don’t mix with people
I have to talk to that way. Let them be as they are, and let me be
as I am. I’m a simple person, I understand simply,
I think simply. I don’t like taking on
all that baggage. I’m not in favor of wasting brain power to decode unnecessary talk. There’s little enough of it
as it is—how will I manage if I squander
even that bit?
Exactly! If only everyone
thought like this!
Why should everyone think
the same way? It’s precisely because each person thinks differently that the world is still so beautiful. I respect
everyone’s way of thinking.
Respecting others’ thoughts doesn’t mean I have to
adopt them myself. They are as they are, I am as I am.
Still!
Let everyone say ‘no’ to hypocrisy. That’s what I want. I say it to people’s faces too. That’s why everyone
says I have too much fire,
that it’s not good for women
to be so fierce, all that!
Listen, I just can’t make sense of it all. In my experience, women actually prefer hypocritical men. Whether they love them or not, they want men to say “I love you.” Even when it’s a complete lie, they’ll give everything for those words. And what fault is it of the men, tell me! If you don’t say it, if you don’t put on that act, no woman will give you anything. The men who speak their hearts directly and simply—women push them away. Instead of telling women “I want to kiss you,” men have to say, “Such beautiful lips! I just want to touch them.” And women melt like ice cream at that! Oh! Love! What a load of hypocrisy! That’s why only eight-seven percent of love stories end in marriage. In ninety-five percent of love affairs, whether there’s an emotional connection or not, there’s definitely a physical one. Women mistake the performance of love for actual love and believe day after day that the physical relationship is just part of that love. Women sit there waiting for some fraudulent deceiver to come along, charm them, fool them, get what he wants, and disappear. Throughout the ages, women have loved lying, worthless types more than honest, truthful men.
Why are you talking like this? You are being rude! This is exactly why women can’t stand you!
I knew it—that’s exactly the kind of reply I’d get. It’s not your fault. Women are just like that. They’re willing to be deceived, as long as the deception is done with finesse. They’ll give everything for a relationship built entirely on lies for five years, but can’t spare even a sweet smile for five minutes of genuine love. Women don’t like men who can’t tell elaborate, dressed-up lies. Women want someone to come and tell them beautiful, dreamy things—to hide what’s really in their hearts and say only what women want to hear. Men too hide themselves very cleverly, draw women close, then at some point throw them away like used tissues. And they deserve it. The foolish girls! Women are either stupid or naive! Yet they think of themselves as sincere lovers!
I understand now why you don’t have a girlfriend.
Don’t need one! I’m perfectly fine like this!—Nachiketa’s song, have you heard it? If not, you should listen. Why should you have to say “I love you” just to hold a woman’s hand? Why, is holding hands a sin when two people enjoy each other’s company? In a society that declares you untouchable for holding hands, where even looking into someone’s eyes starts an uproar and raises a hue and cry—you can’t expect anything good from such a society. Everything will happen, everyone will see, but no one will admit to seeing. The rules of this society are training men to become hypocrites. These same men will one day run the country and rape it at every turn! Bravo! The hypocritical products of this damn hypocritical society!
I’m getting scared. I’m running away! I am a woman, after all. Please don’t take it personally!
No no, it’s fine. Maybe I just started overreacting! Sorry!
Tell me, doesn’t anyone scold you? You know, I get yelled at so much at home. My mother just nags and nags. You seem like the gentle, calm, well-behaved type—you have it easy. I’m sure no one ever scolds you. If I were like you, my mother would have put me on a pedestal!
I mean,
gentle, calm, well-behaved type! Ahem
ahem!
Why Ahem ahem? Just looking at you
gives the impression of someone steady, composed, peaceful.
Whatever you think when you
look at me—that’s certainly
not my responsibility. I am who I am, and if you can’t accept me as I am, that’s your problem, not mine.
So what are you like?
Just like any other
guy. Men were men, men are men, men will be men. ALWAYS! Women never understood this. Every single woman
thinks she’s in love with ‘the most special
guy in the world.’ She can’t grasp that her friend is also drowning in love for another ‘most special
guy in the world.’ I know I’m terribly, terribly typical—there’s nothing extra about me. At least in my psychophysical thoughts, I see no
difference between myself and any other guy. I’m plenty naughty too, I have dirty thoughts; hell, when I need the bathroom, I run to the bathroom! Listen, all guys are the same—some just put on airs. The more brains someone has, the more acceptable their pretensions become. Otherwise,
at the end of the day, we’re all the same.
Maybe so!
But I can say this as a challenge—your mischief is nothing compared to my wildness! Next to my naughtiness, you’re just a
little kid! Then again, it’s not like I’m always bad, naughty, devilish. Just sometimes!
Sometimes,
even the world’s greatest saint
is a devil! So there’s nothing
wrong with that. I’m very, very, very bad! You have no idea!
No sir!
Where would that come from? All the ideas in the kingdom just keep buzzing around in your head constantly. We’re just small people—how could we think so much? By the way, did you eat lunch?
……………………………………………………………
Why aren’t you here?
And listen, whenever you don’t feel like talking, please just tell me. I’m quite the chatterbox, so I can babble nonstop. I won’t get tired,
but you’ll get bored. So it’s better—shoo me away
before you get annoyed. I don’t want to become an irritating pest to you.
No no, it’s not that. I just got a bit busy! You there?
I’m always here!
Free now?
No, still at work. Jobs are such awful things, you know? Can I get your number? I’ll call later.
Alright, fine.
*********** You’ll really call? Or are you just being polite?
Take mine.
*********** Why don’t you break the ice instead—that’ll work!
I have no objection,
I can do it—you’re the one who won’t be able to.
Won’t your boyfriend
mind? I’m single,
no obligations.
Just because I’m not single,
have I mortgaged my right to speak to someone else? My life is mine, his is his. What’s wrong with talking to you? You’re not about to propose to me.
I could still sit down though!
Why? Because I’m not single? You’d propose knowing full well I’d turn you down?
How do you sleep with such a big brain in such a small head?
Women’s heads don’t just have lice in them, sir—there’s some brains and sense too, it seems. And if you want to propose, then propose! One person can propose to another person! Just because you propose doesn’t mean we’ll fall in love, does it?
You’d shoot me down like this even before love could begin?
What else can I do, sir! If you’d come four years earlier, you wouldn’t have had to face rejection. In fact, I would’ve been the one getting shot down—I’m damn sure of it!
Oh my! Is that any way to talk? What’s wrong with having two loves?
How would you feel if your destined one had two loves?
Where is my destined one anyway! Who knows if she’s even been born yet! Let her show up first, then we’ll see!
Let’s say she has arrived, she’s here. Tell me, how would you feel? What great royal task would that accomplish? Would your salary double? Or something else?
How would I know? Have I ever been in love? You’re the one in love! You’d be able to say better.
My calculation is simple. My poor guy is struggling so much for me. He’s fighting to establish himself in life. How can I betray him? He should at least be able to trust that I’m his, that I’ll remain his. Right?
What’s your poor guy doing?
Looking for a job. I’m sitting here waiting for him to get a job so we can get married. A completely typical middle-class love story. We’ll have a modest little household together—whether I’m his destined one or not!
Okay, I get it.
Do you watch The Good Wife?
No. Why?
You remind me of Will.
What does that mean?
I mean, Will is a character in that show, and you’re like him, at least, that’s how it seems to me.
Oh, I see.
Will is so wonderful that just seeing him, just thinking about him, turns Alicia’s world upside down. And yet, Alicia has a husband, two babies. She’s very happy in her family life too. But she can’t forget Will.
I have no idea what you’re saying—it’s all Greek to me. I’ve never watched that serial.
Oh for heaven’s sake, it’s a story about an affair, nothing more. Do you understand now?
Alright, I get it.
This is nothing new. It’s happening all the time now. The fire of hidden love doesn’t burn like it used to—not the home,
and certainly not the person! This culture of accepting such things is slowly making its way into our country too.
True enough. What are you doing?
Have you eaten anything? What’s the plan now? Going home, or do you have more work at the office?
I’m still at the office. Have to
monitor some work. My officers are doing the main tasks, I’m just overseeing, setting the direction of the work. Oh, give me a missed call, will you? Let me save your number—I’m too lazy to type out my number.
I’m even lazier about this.
I haven’t saved your number either. Why don’t you call instead? Something funny just occurred to me. Should I tell you?
Go ahead.
When we talk on the phone,
we usually address older people as bhaiya or apu, right?
Yes. So?
Now if we ever chat
on the phone, do I have to call you bhaiya?
No, you can call me anything at all—I won’t mind.
Really?
Yes! I don’t have time to
get worked up over such trivial things. You could even call me darling if you wanted.
Good grief! You’re absolutely
impossible!
Tell me something I didn’t know!
Sorry! When do you
go home?
It’s not fixed, but usually around six.
I could never work
that long. Nine to six! Is that even possible? I need a 10-minute break every hour. Otherwise I’d go crazy and die!
Everyone takes breaks.
I do too.
Then that’s fine.
You know, I talk about you to Ammu all the time, and the first day I told her about you, when I showed her your picture, Ammu said to me, “Try to be like him.” I felt both annoyed and pleased hearing that. I like it when someone says something good about you. Now, give me some advice—what do I need to do to become like you?
Oh my, how would that work? How can you become like me? You should be like yourself. Every person is their own self. And if you absolutely must, then arrange for sex reassignment, talk to a doctor about it!
Hahahahaha…
You’re terribly naughty!
I’m saying I want to become intelligent like you. What should I do?
Same problem!
You can’t become buddhhiman, you could become buddhimati.
Okay, okay,
I want to become intelligent like you, sir. Now tell me!
There we go—madam’s
famous intellectualizing has begun! I’m running away!
No no, please! Everything about you keeps me spellbound all the time. I can’t focus on anything else, you won’t even let me think about Sohan. You’re like some terrible addiction. I want to be free of this. If I could become like you, I know I’d be able to break away from here. You speak so beautifully. Oh! If only I could too! You write so well. Oh! If only I could too! You think so wonderfully. Oh! If only I could too! There’s nothing but incompleteness inside me, incompleteness upon incompleteness! When I think of you, that incompleteness only grows. Who’s to blame for this? You are! Now show me a way to live.
How long has it been since you started reading me?