On the red dust of broken roads

 
  
 Kavya. You gave yourself this name, remember?
 When I call you by this name,
 I feel as if I'm floating on butterfly wings.
  
 Just as this world faces its harsh times, exactly so
 a harsh time presses like a heavy stone upon your chest.
 I understand, Kavya. The same kind of stone weighs on mine too!
  
 How many days it's been since you slept peacefully.
 I want to pull you close, rest you on my lap.
 You'd lay your head there, arms around my waist, and sleep.
 I'd place my hand on your head, part your hair.
 My hand would play across your head, from end to end.
  
 When you fall asleep I'd lay you down like a small child,
 with the gentlest touch, so your sleep won't break.
 You'd stir just a little, I'd stay right beside you. Watching. Hand clasped in hand.
 I'd watch as after so long, a peaceful sleep spreads through your whole body, playing hide-and-seek with dreams.
  
 What has happened to you, I understand, Kavya!
 Even one's own people change colors!
 Those we once recognized in love's hue,
 now their eyes and faces carry something fearful,
 as if I alone am to blame for everything.
  
 These things happen, Kavya! Where there's life, life carries such burdens.
 Or you could say, because such things happen in life,
 we get to see life's both sides.
  
 I too had so much pain, Kavya...you couldn't even imagine!
 With time I've transformed that pain into strength.
 I've lived quite well even with those I don't love at all.
  
 Kavya, sometimes I've felt like a murderer.
 I've gone to work calmly after committing murder,
 nowhere in the world did anyone sense
 how much I battled just to pass time. I never let it show.
  
 Then only I remained beside myself, day after day!
 I've seen many colors in family! I haven't lost respect,
 but somewhere a kind of subtle awareness of pain
 has tried to strangle me to death.
  
 Does this happen to you too, tell me, Kavya? You write, after all.
 When you can write, you feel you're finding me close,
 embracing me and finding peace. This happens, I know.
  
 You know this society, I know it too.
 So let's not talk about it anymore.
 You know Kavya, I've returned again, looking toward my child.
 Otherwise she would have lost her real mother!
 Everyone returns for this, perhaps! This pull back binds us in some compulsion!
  
 Now my pain has changed colors.
 I laugh in my own way, I move at my own pace.
 What your pains are, I don't exactly know.
 But as a friend who can bear some of your pain,
 I can tell you so many things. Can't I, Kavya?
  
 I can press a kiss to your lips like applying lip balm.
 Let me give you one, how's that? You simply must be well! Won't you?
 I keep searching for that you...
 You've completely lost your way! Come back, Kavya!
  
 Tell me, you only love that girl, don't you?
 Where is she? Is she well? Does her husband cherish her?
 I'm quite jealous of her, you know. One thing is...
 Beyond just loving her, there's still more work to be done.
 Those things must be done too, Kavya! Don't you understand?
  
 Set everything right!
 Run your hand over your face!
 Pull your jaw down a little!
 Come, let's fight, let's brawl! Bang and crash!
 You absolutely won't be able to handle me, I'm telling you! Can you, Kavya?
  
 Fine, if you can, go ahead! I'll quietly surrender...
 But whisper in my ear...that word...very quietly...
 I love you! Will you say it? Why are you so miserly, sir?