Not moonlight, but questions fall

What mockery is this? Before my eyes today, what manner of mockery? What harm did I ever do to whom, and when? Then why such mockery with me alone?
Lord, which way shall I turn? Toward love, or shall I go to humanity? Is love then not humanity...in my case?

Why? Why me alone? Why must I alone live with such a burden of conscience? Has love today become conscience reborn?
Why...why can't I? Why can't I be well in my own way? Why must I abandon everything and not even keep the desire to live well? Why?
Why...why did you do this, Lord? The one I loved like a madman—why did you leave no path for me to make them understand? Why these thousand shackles for me alone?
Why? For what? Why must this happen only to me? The one without whom I cannot spend a single moment—why can I not let them come to me? Tell me, for what sin?
Why? So many obstacles at every step? Which shall I accept today? This failed attempt to hold them close despite wanting them so much, giving my all? Or this inability to even speak of love after loving so selflessly, so deeply? Tell me, which shall I silently accept today? Which...tell me?
Why? Why such stone-hard reality? Why everything so harsh for me alone? The one I wanted so much—even having them, why won't I give my all? Why can't I keep them close to me, in my own private chamber? Why?
Why? Why did you give this, Lord? Why did you give it? Why so much pain? And if you gave pain, then why bring the joy of having them for a moment and knock at my broken door? How do I let them go now? How do I seek happiness leaving them behind, tell me? I will die, Lord...I will die completely!

Why so much? Why must I alone think of so many things? Why must I alone make so many sacrifices? I too am just a human like everyone else! Then why didn't you give me the right to love like everyone else? Why don't I have the right to leave all my constraints and go to them? Why don't I have the right to shout and tell them—I love you truly like a shameless fool! Without you I am merely motionless, numb! To you alone I surrender everything of this one life! Except loving you, all my other duties are shelved! Without you my entire life goes to auction! How much longer must I explain with excuses that without you I am truly a street dog?
What shall I do? Whom shall I tell? Whom shall I make understand? Where shall I go to take one full breath? Who is there whom I can embrace and cry out loud and find peace? Tell me, where shall I go? Can anyone tell me?