Night's feet adorned with silence's anklets

 
I cooked big gourds today. With lentils and prawns.
Added no spices. Just turmeric and chili. Green chilies.
You know, how wonderful it tasted!


While cooking I kept thinking, I'll make this healthy dish for you.
While eating, I kept wanting to feed it only to you.


After dinner I turned off the lights, closed my eyes, and lay still for the longest time.
Somehow I ended up crying!
These days I cry at the smallest things.


That day you were talking about prawns.
I sent the guard all the way to the distant market to bring some.
He couldn't find any prawns. Still, I sent him three times. Finally he found some.
I've kept them in the fridge for you.


Today while cooking, my heart was breaking for you.
You know I have terrible allergies!
Eating prawns is absolutely forbidden for me. Yet I cooked them, ate them. Cried.


I've become entirely you-centered.
In this, in that. Here, there.
This way, that way. In this work, that work.
Everywhere, only your shadow.


When I go to eat something, I think of you,
when I feel like crying, I think of you.
Then I put on one of your t-shirts
that you gave me, that you wore, and cry.


For the past three days
I've been wearing your brown t-shirt. Haven't washed it.
Your body's scent clings there.
I take it off before bathing, put it back on after.


The next three days I'll wear the red one.
The three days after that, the blue one.
There's also a yellow sweater. It's quite warm,
so I can't wear it now. I've saved it for winter.


I don't usually wear such loose clothes. Not even at home.
But I love sitting around in these huge t-shirts of yours.
I feel like you're nearby. Close. Very close!
Just smelling the t-shirt, I catch the scent of your breath.


My roommates tease me terribly, the things they say!
They look at me and laugh, I look at them and laugh too.
Know why I laugh? They only see the t-shirt,
they don't see you!


The more you've worn a piece of clothing, the more precious it is to me.
You hardly wore the blue t-shirt. You said you'd worn it only once.
It's still new. In it I truly can't find any trace of your touch.
I don't wear it much.


Still, I've kept it.
Let me have some precious things!
I too want to keep some treasures!
When I touch something of yours,
I feel so rich. You wouldn't understand such things.


Nearly everything in life is relative.
Some small mistakes, some pain or loss,
what we don't get and distance, gaining something only to lose it...let it be!


There's completeness in not getting some things. Some mistakes remain, whiter than purity itself.
The truth is, you know, in life I keep taking exam after exam,
yet none of these exams ever seem to have results.
I keep taking them, getting tired. Shaking off fatigue, taking exams again.
I've been taking them since birth. Perhaps I'll have to take one even at the moment of death!


Age increases, life shortens. Yet life remains stuck in exactly the same place as before!
Such lives exist too! Can you imagine?


When the anklets of silence ring in my ears at the foot of each night,
I often think, life is short indeed.
If a few days pass like this, then let them pass!