New Year's Resolutions: 2016 Every year I make the same resolutions. Every year I break them within a month. This year I thought I'd be a bit more realistic and make resolutions that I might actually keep. **Resolution 1: Stop pretending I enjoy small talk** I will no longer nod and smile when someone asks me about the weather. I will not feign interest in their weekend plans. If forced into small talk, I will either change the subject to something meaningful or find a polite way to escape. Life is too short to waste on conversations about traffic. **Resolution 2: Read more books, scroll less** Every evening I tell myself I'll read before bed. Instead, I end up scrolling through social media until my eyes burn. This year, I'm putting my phone in another room after 9 PM. The internet will survive without my constant attention. My mind needs the nourishment that only books can provide. **Resolution 3: Stop apologizing for things that aren't my fault** "Sorry the weather is bad." "Sorry you had to wait." "Sorry for existing." I apologize for breathing. This year, I will only say sorry when I've actually done something wrong. The rest of the world can manage their own disappointments without my unnecessary guilt. **Resolution 4: Embrace being average at most things** I don't need to be exceptional at everything. I can be a mediocre cook, a decent friend, and an okay writer. Not everything requires mastery. Sometimes good enough is perfect. This year I'm giving myself permission to be human-sized in an Instagram world. **Resolution 5: Stop giving advice no one asked for** Just because I have opinions doesn't mean everyone needs to hear them. When someone shares a problem, they often want sympathy, not solutions. I will practice the revolutionary act of listening without immediately trying to fix everything. My wisdom is not as urgent as I think it is. These resolutions feel different. More honest. More achievable. Maybe this will be the year I actually stick to something I've promised myself. Or maybe I'll abandon them all by February, like always. Either way, at least I'll have been honest about it.

One. I’ll spend
a little more time at home.

Two. I’ll reduce my
pride and anger.

Three. Well, I mean,
all the things I tell others to do,
I’ll start doing them myself ‘again.’

Four. I’ll cut back on
blocking people.

Five. I’ll try to
behave better.

Six. I’ll befriend
at least 10 people who dislike me the most.

Seven. I’ll resume the
work of discouraging suicide. The work is extremely painful and
frustrating; still, I’ll do it.
Through my own efforts alone, I’ve managed to pull 59 people back from the brink of suicide so far. But when it comes to helping women, I often run into a problem. You’ve seen ‘The Hemlock Society,’ haven’t you? The problem isn’t this,
that when I counsel a woman about this,
she falls in love with me; rather, the problem is that some women even want to marry me. Falling in love is fine, but wanting marriage
isn’t acceptable. Have I ever told Shabnam, Margaret,
Suchitra, Divya Bharti, Hepburn—any of them—marry me, you have to? If you don’t believe it, just ask them yourself,
whether I said it or not!

Eight. I’ll reduce career
talk and read some more books, watch some more movies, travel to some more places.

Nine. I’ll learn at least one
new language and fall in love with someone who can speak that language.

Ten. I’ll seriously
consider going to Europe to study.

Eleven. I’ll visit
the various old-age homes in Bangladesh and help those fathers and mothers.

Twelve. I’ll try to
maintain good relationships with colleagues.

Thirteen. I’ll visit at least 7
villages, sit with the unemployed villagers, and give them advice on doing something worthwhile.

Fourteen. I’ll reduce career-related
writing and return to some fiction writing like before.

Fifteen. If I get
cooperation from institutional heads, I want to inspire students in Bangladesh’s secondary and higher secondary educational institutions.

Sixteen. Well, I mean,
before November 2nd next year, before turning 32+, the marriage thing, well, I mean, if some kind-hearted soul graciously agrees……… If I like someone, I’ll have the courage to actually say ‘I love you.’ I might get refused, but still…………

Seventeen. I’ll get in touch
with old friends.

Eighteen. I won’t be lazy about
seeing doctors for minor problems.

Nineteen. I keep saying I’ll write, I’ll write,
but the writing never gets done—I’ll finish some of those pieces.

Twenty.
……………….(Please give me some advice)

Twenty-one. I won’t leave
the above resolutions for 2017.

What about yours?

(A humble request to my
well-wishers: If you see me failing to keep any of the above promises, please remind me right away, “Brother, didn’t you say…………”)