Actually, all of this is just a trick of the mind. Nothing more. I don’t want such thoughts to enter my head.
You know, sometimes it brings such peace to prove yourself wrong for the sake of someone you love. Let some notions of the heart remain false.
When certain truths would make living unbearably painful, let them stay lies. Sometimes in life it feels so good to see yourself defeated, if that defeat is for someone you love. Tell me, darling, doesn’t your conscience torment you for treating me so badly? When you say to me, “What do I have to do with you?”
it hurts me deeply.
I feel like I’m the worst girl in the world. But I’m not a bad girl at all. If I’ve done anything wrong,
it’s this: I love you. I want to be the faithful companion of your joys and sorrows. The most unfortunate are those two souls who must lie side by side in the same bed, yet have no beautiful relationship between them. But
are we like that, darling? No no, we two aren’t like that. We aren’t bad. Then why do we behave this way? Darling, you don’t go searching for happiness from other girls on the phone, do you? I want so much to think well of you. But so many
thoughts come to mind! Darling, do you remember—
there was never a night when
you didn’t caress me, when you
fell asleep without kissing me. That same you no longer needs me. How everything between us became so tangled after we met! We met, we felt each other, and then we became strangers. You don’t need me, but I
need you so desperately! Every moment I feel you, I want you close. I have nothing to ask of anyone else besides you. I feel not the slightest attraction toward anyone else. When anyone else comes to mind, no feeling stirs in me. When someone tries to get close to me, I humiliate them cruelly.
If you could ever speak to me not as ‘you’ but as someone else, you’d understand what I’m like. My Facebook and phone block lists aren’t
exactly short either. Tell me, with you boys
does the body awaken before the heart? When you speak to me so callously,
I’m not afraid,
I feel helpless. I
think, people can be like this too! You feel only physical attraction toward me. Fine, I accept that. But does that mean you’ll have no tenderness for me at all,
no humanity, no affection? You’ve made me cry so much over this past year.
You have no right to draw tears from my eyes, yet you bear responsibility! The responsibility for making me cry! Wonderful,
darling, wonderful! When you call me
worthless, I feel such shame,
and in those moments I remember again and again how I presented myself cheaply before you, made myself easily available to you, how you know all the treasures of my life.
Today marks two and a half years of our relationship without a name! How easily the days pass,
don’t they? I used to think love made relationships simple. Now I understand that love itself is a complex thing, its very nature is to complicate everything. I want so much to believe
that you weren’t like this before,
that you still aren’t like this. Was I really
always so annoying to you? Didn’t you once draw me close?
Why am I acting so foolishly then? This isn’t like me at all!
Do you know
how much recognition matters
in human relationships? How much dishonor
there is in a relationship’s lack of legitimacy? I only asked
for respect from you, nothing but respect.
Yet, you’ve neglected me day after day,
treated me with contempt
and scorn. I had forgotten you belong to a different
faith. You too are your Creator’s creation. But coming into this world,
you first forgot your Creator. You could never feel
your Creator’s love.
How then could you feel love for His other creation? Indeed, I forget—only physical desire
drives your feelings toward me.
I can swear by my Creator’s name that even if
your capacity for physical union should
ever end, I would stay
by your side. Just having you near would make
this small life pass beautifully. Nothing more—
simply sitting beside you,
gazing at your face brings such joy to my heart. I love you, truly love you so much. Every morning when I leave
the bed, it hurts terribly, makes me want to weep.
Tears fall at random moments,
onto your photograph. I sleep with your picture under my pillow, kiss you, touch your cheek.
On my room’s walls hang eighteen pictures of you. In drawers, under the bed, in bags—countless versions of you
are scattered everywhere. You’re in
every corner of my space, yet
nowhere at all. How it torments me! So close within reach, yet gone
the moment I extend my hand! Beloved, because one girl hurt you, did you start
thinking ill of every woman in the world? You’ve made me cry so much,
called me over only to humiliate me. Whenever you’ve called, I’ve
come running.
Does this mean nothing to you? Don’t make me
cry like this anymore. How easily you’ve dismissed
my heart’s claims! But know this—you can never
escape responsibility for my tears. No one has ever loved you
better than I have, nor ever will. No one will ever trust
or respect you the way
I do. They simply cannot. You misunderstand me, far too
much you misunderstand. The girl who loves you most—
you distrust her so! If distance is my
place, then why did you draw me near?
If you’d keep me
in nightmares, why did you teach me
to dream? The way you treat me
should make me the one
to distrust you. Yet I’ve never
allowed even a hint of doubt about you into my mind! I’ve never
distrusted you.
Whatever you do, I always
find an acceptable explanation for it! I understand I’m making a mistake, yet
all my joy lies in that very mistake! I don’t know
why I have such boundless
faith in you! If you told me horns were growing
from my head, I might
brush back my hair to look for them. If I couldn’t find any, I’d be terribly disappointed,
thinking I must be doing something wrong! Love blinds people, beloved. The
lovestruck person lives their life
mistaking that blindness for sight.
You know, I never felt even the slightest fear about revealing myself to you. Not even a little, my love, not even a little! I don’t know why! That day, after we left your friend’s house, when you told me to go home alone, something inside my chest began to hemorrhage. I felt like I was the most wretched girl in the world. How helplessly I must have looked into your eyes. How can someone tell another person to leave with such indifferent eyes! And to someone they had just kissed moments before! How could you do it! Just think for a moment! An unfamiliar city. This was my first time walking alone outside my family, and with a stranger no less! (Don’t be angry that I’m calling you a ‘stranger,’ my love! It was the first day I saw you, that’s what I mean! Though, ever since that day, you’ve somehow become a stranger to me!) Can you imagine what you did to me? The person I loved more than time itself, more than all my happiness—that very person left me alone on the street! And yet, perhaps now you’re walking someone else home in broad daylight, holding their hand. My love, you’ve kept many awake at night with your love—you know this well. Have you ever tried to count how many you’ve kept awake with pain? Not through love, but through pain alone—recognize your own beloved! The one who truly knows how to sacrifice, for love, for your peace, for their own happiness—that’s the one you make cry! What kind of game is this? I have so much to say to you. So very much to say. When you ask, “What do we have to talk about?” I become completely numb. When I’m in front of you, I forget everything, I can’t even speak. That I can’t say anything doesn’t mean I have nothing to say. My love, if someone had pierced us together with an arrow that day, I wouldn’t have had to live a single moment without you. If the world had stood still, that day could never have escaped. If I had known that the hand waving goodbye to me was a hand I would never see again, would I have let go of it then? If we could know beforehand which holding of hands would be the last, would anyone ever let go? Lovers have to be like police, keeping watch for when their beloved might flee like a thief. Tell me, is love then something to be held onto by force? You promised to stay connected to me for life—so why did you solve the equation of your whole lifetime in just these few days? Why do you seek happiness with another girl? It’s not as if you’ve married her! Have I become untouchable to you? Couldn’t I give you happiness? Or couldn’t you find the happiness yourself? Or have you changed the definition of happiness to suit your convenience? The color of happiness isn’t the same in your eyes as before, is it? Tell me, what is my crime!
Listen, my dear,
Tell me, what was my crime that day when you blocked my
ID? So many people post so much nonsense on your timeline. Many of those posts are enough to
damage your reputation. Even neutral circles discuss and criticize them. Yet when I posted something playful,
it wounded your self-respect so deeply that you blocked me?
All your intolerance is reserved for me! And I see how many girls write terrible things about you on your wall, even saying
nasty things about you in various places on Facebook. How warmly you can welcome them! Bravo! My dear,
you’re mistaken about who truly cares for you.
Not just about those who care—you simply
can’t judge people at all. Someday you’ll understand how painful it is to mistake
glass for diamonds and draw them close! That day, when you reach out, you’ll find nothing
but endless emptiness! Tell me, what was
so wrong with what I did that you had to block every single one of my numbers? The moment you hear my voice, you block the number. You don’t want to
face me. Are you so guilty? Have you done something
that makes you ashamed to stand before me? Does talking to me
trigger guilt in you? My dear, should I assume
that you’ve destroyed all my trust in you? Have you also destroyed
the place of honor I held for you? No, my dear,
please don’t do such things.
Do whatever you want to me, but don’t
destroy yourself. I don’t want any girl to point
at you and say something. However you are, when someone speaks badly of you, I can’t
bear it. I love you, I don’t want to
hate you.
How deeply I long
to sit before you and ask,
how are you?
Yet there would be no words on my lips. Without saying anything at all,
our kingdoms would converse for eternity. We two would arrive at that
constellation where all the world’s
languages fall silent. Where, once we go, no one could ever find you again, and you would become mine alone for all time.
I have so many strange longings that revolve around you. You may not know that there is great fulfillment
in loving an honest soul. There is such peace. I can put my hand on my heart and say that in loving you, my sincerity and
devotion are completely genuine. I find deep satisfaction when I feel you near. When my heart fills with the desire
to love you completely, such tranquility
washes over me. In loving you, I feel such purity. I don’t know why, but your tenderness, every touch feels so sacred to me.
I trust you so completely. I don’t know why I have such faith in you. When you
treat me badly, when you push me
away and shove me aside—tell me, darling,
don’t the memories stir
you even a little? Doesn’t it offend
your sensibilities to treat me like some street girl? Every moment brings back memories of our old days.
When they come to mind, how utterly delighted I become! Sometimes I blush with embarrassment,
often I ache with longing
for you. And then there are times when shame makes me hang my head. How your tender touch divides my feelings into so many
pieces! Each piece is so dear to me! I am that girl who knows what you need and when. No one else
should know that. You gave me that place. I know how to care for you so that you flourish. Then why
can’t you give even a little
respect to the one who has a place in the depths of your heart? How did you become
so inhuman? Can’t I hope for even
a trace of compassion from you? Darling, is the body everything in human life? Tell me, do people live driven by biological urges, or by love? Can a person satisfy bodily desires
for an entire lifetime? No, they cannot! But
love—love remains for a lifetime.
When I called you that day, you cursed me out, calling me a third-class cheap slut. What had I done to deserve hearing such words? I’ve managed to do so many things I never thought I could before. When you were in Japan, you said one day, “Why don’t you come over!” Honestly, darling, if I’d had a passport and visa, I could have gone there all by myself! Love makes a person recklessly brave. Only one thought works in my head—I have to get to you. What peace I feel when I see you, my love! When I stare at your photograph, I feel I could spend hours and hours like this. After falling in love with you, a kind of courage and strength has been born in me. And you never understood any of this. This is entirely your failure. In this one life of yours, perhaps so many, so many girls have walked through that you’ve lost even the wisdom to know who deserves what place, who to call a street girl, who to value. Actually, you have plenty of knowledge of good and bad. But you’re only human! You can’t do everything perfectly. You think whatever you do is right. And this very thinking is your biggest mistake. Those who will support you in all your thoughts—know this for certain—they are fools. Nothing good can be expected from fools. Yesterday on the phone you really did treat me like a street girl. I won’t tell you how that made me feel, I’ll only say this—I’ve gotten used to it. When you behave badly, I remember your affection and love so much, so much more. And somehow, in an instant, all your mistreatment just vanishes into thin air. You’re still that same boy, aren’t you, who told me that even if I left everything and came to your side, you would never leave me, never push me away? Didn’t you promise me that there was no question of you going anywhere without me? And today that same boy is saying there’s no question of marrying me! The same person, yet what distance has been created by the way words are used! Only you can bring such contradiction—only you can do so many things! I’m ready to give up everything for you! Whatever you tell me to do, I’m ready to do. But why can’t you do anything for me?
Tell me, are you reading my letter? Or have you just left it lying there without reading it? Or have you thrown it in the trash? The moment you see anything of mine, your mood turns sour, and you immediately want to throw it away, don’t you?
You know, as I write this letter, the moonlight outside is so abundant! The moon spreads its light so beautifully. You know, even the moon’s radiance pales before your love. If only we could be together on such a moonlit night! No no, not side by side, but face to face. Face to face, you and I, in some cottage by the sea or on the open veranda of some hill resort! My darling, your love is so much more beautiful. Not just beautiful, but so much more intoxicating. You know, the sound of your kisses seems like thunderclaps, piercing straight into my chest like sharp arrows. I can barely talk to anyone on the phone anymore. It’s become like some kind of mental condition. Every two or three days I don’t take more than two or three calls. The moment I pick up the phone, the conflicting interplay of your kind words and harsh ones gathers all my equilibrium at the corners of my eyes. When I talk to others, your face appears before me. I can’t think of anything else. Truly, darling, all my emotions, feelings, everything—everything has vanished somewhere! Nothing but you can touch my emotions anymore. When you say, “I won’t caress you, because then you’ll pester me to marry you,” do you know what I think? I think, then surely you’ll caress someone who will never want to marry you. Is this even possible, my dear? How can someone who becomes accustomed to your touch live without your caresses? Only prostitutes can live that way. They neither take love nor give love. And if such a thing ever happens, the responsibility of love lies fallen on its face before some paper claims. One who doesn’t need love to survive is truly fortunate. Darling, I beseech you with folded hands, please don’t do this. There’s no love in such relationships. Never destroy yourself. I can bear all suffering with a smile, but I cannot bear to see you go astray. If necessary, I’ll kill you with my own hands, then end myself too, but I won’t let you be ruined. To watch one’s love destroy itself with helpless, tearful eyes, to be unable to save it—there’s no greater failure in life.
This feeling of love
can arise toward anyone at any time. Sometimes it’s a parent’s love for their child,
sometimes between siblings,
sometimes for a friend.
It can work for people in any other kind of relationship too. Once love is born for someone, it becomes impossible to bear watching them be destroyed before your eyes. I know you, I understand you so very well. I am that girl
who understands the meaning of every breath you release. That’s why I’m so afraid. Love makes people both cowardly and brave. I love you. Truly, my dear,
I love you so very much! No one has ever loved you this much, nor will anyone
ever love you like this. Sometimes I dream you’re caressing me. Often I see you caressing another girl. This makes me feel terrible, but then I forget about it. You belong only to me—why should anyone else have you? I’ve heard that when you imagine someone with yourself, in your sleep you supposedly see that person with someone else. The other day I saw you holding someone’s hand, walking around the beautiful gardens of a lovely resort on top of a gorgeous mountain. I wanted to come near you both,
but they wouldn’t let me approach. Then I saw you take her into the room. I was outside pounding on the door and windows with all my strength, but you wouldn’t open them—you were saying all sorts of things, scolding me harshly. Then I came down from the mountain, weeping. There was another large mountain beside your mountain. That mountain was going to collapse onto yours. Just thinking about it, I woke up crying in my sleep. Once I had a terrible dream about you and a mudslide. For several nights after that, I couldn’t sleep from fear. I was completely shattered. I prayed for your life in exchange for my own. You know, many of the things I think about you, or see about you in dreams, come true in your life. So when I see something bad about you, I want to destroy myself. When I see some dreams and reality moving along the same straight line, I’m amazed. So many questions arise in my mind. You’re thinking, why am I saying so much about you? I could talk about you all day long. I could spend this entire life doing nothing else but gazing into your eyes. I can never tell you any of these things. Why can’t I? Because you don’t want to listen! Why don’t you listen to me? Whose words do you listen to then? Of course, your world isn’t as small as mine. You have so many other things to hear from so many other people. Where do you have time to give me time? Look, on the day when you have time, there won’t be anyone left to speak like this. People often make wrong decisions about their own lives. You’re doing it too. You’re walking the wrong path like everyone else. I’ve made mistakes too. Trying to set you right, I keep chasing after mistakes myself—mistakes have wrapped around me completely. Running madly after a truth that is merely a mirage, forgetting everything for that truth—what is this but a mistake?
Listen, my love,
have you ever
seen me in your dreams? I see you in mine
every single day. Even if I close my eyes for just a few moments, you appear before me. I’m so curious to know—has anyone else
ever dreamed of you
the way I do? Did that girl
ever dream of you? Exactly
the way I do? Did she feel you
so intimately? You don’t understand
what I’m saying, do you? I’m talking about that girl, the one whose love makes you feel alone even in a crowd of thousands, the way I am alone
now, wounded by this unbearable ache of loving you? Your girlfriend is so fortunate, isn’t she? She got you
as you are, as she wanted you.
True love spreads its fragrance through feeling. She’s not by your side, yet your love for her fills
every moment of every day.
Even from so far away, she receives your love. How many people are blessed
with such pure, undiluted love, tell me? Do you ever think that all your girlfriend’s beauty
exists only for you? Did she ever think that all your love
was meant only for her? She didn’t. And perhaps because she never thought that way, all your love
still belongs to her today. And perhaps because you thought exactly that way, her beauty never became
yours alone. Sometimes fate becomes
so miserly, so cruel, so
mysterious. Everything that isn’t mine, that will never
be mine—the desire to possess it all
makes me want to destroy myself. How fortunate that girl is to have received your pure love
without any suffering! She has taken so much of your love that she’s made you forget
how to love anyone else. That’s why I think it’s not you who’s responsible for the state of my life today—
it’s that girl who’s to blame. You hold
great value for me. Why wouldn’t you, tell me? A year and a half of connection! Even if it’s nameless, it’s still deep! I don’t know how many people can reach such depths! The depth of my feelings
for you runs so deep. What a pity that in your eyes, my entire existence
doesn’t amount to even a grain of sand. The kiss you gave your girlfriend
wasn’t her first kiss, just as I’m not
the first recipient of your kiss. So just as she couldn’t feel the irresistible pull
of that kiss, you too will never be touched
by the profound satisfaction of our kiss. But what am I supposed to do, tell me? Your intimate kiss has left me as helpless as you still remain
helpless before her.
Even now, when that pure tremor awakens in my body and mind, I become completely undone. Why did you do that
to me? I think
you should forgive
your girlfriend. She hasn’t done even a fraction of the wrong to you that you’ve done to me. Forgive
her. If you can’t bring yourself to forgive her, then how can you expect forgiveness from me?
My love, despite loving you so deeply, I couldn’t claim even a small corner of your heart. You never gave me space even in your thoughts. I exist nowhere in your feelings, in your melodies, in your writing. Only for those brief moments when I was companion to your passion—only then did I exist within you. (Did you even truly hold me close during those fleeting times?) After that, you forgot me. Cast me aside like a used tissue. Of course, why would you remember me? You have such an important job, you are such an important person, so many people seek your company! Where is there room for me in all that? Why should I want you? What right do I have? Do you know what the greatest honor in a woman’s life is? When a man proposes marriage to her. Do you know what the greatest blessing is? When she receives her partner’s love. Do you know what the deepest humiliation is? When her beloved sees her only as an object of physical desire and she must bare herself before multiple men. Believe me, darling, there is no greater insult in a woman’s life than this. When a woman must become intimate with another man, there can be no greater shame for her. How helpless women are when it comes to survival, isn’t that right, my love? Know this—your love remains eternally alive in my heart. Every moment, without remembering you, truly nothing else enters my mind, my meditation, my consciousness, my heart, my lips. Your name echoes constantly in my thoughts, day and night. Did that girlfriend of yours love you like this? Tell me, did she ever rest her head on your chest? My love, is the body everything to you? But I’m not essential for that, am I? You have so many bodies available to you, darling. Will that mind of yours never embrace another’s soul?
Beloved, that place on your chest—that belongs to me alone.
Think about it: your love
is now for that girl who rests her head
on another’s chest in perfect bliss. Will you love someone who might come to you after resting her head on another’s chest, playing the game of changing hearts? Or will she come to you carrying a chest full of helpless hatred, after breaking someone else’s dreams or suffering terrible pain? And what have you kept for the one who has laid her head on your chest, who has counted your heartbeats in complete trust?
You have left me in a nameless,
undefined relationship and murdered me day after day with cold calculation, and I have become the slave of your illicit habit!
Bravo, beloved, bravo! This is your
education, this is your conscience, this is your nobility! I am neither loved by you,
nor am I your lover,
nor am I your friend. I have
hated those two words—boyfriend, girlfriend—all my life. Yet, what misfortune is mine! I couldn’t even become your trivial
girlfriend. I have no recognition at all! I am bound to you in such a degraded relationship! Today I must think of myself as someone’s mere plaything! I simply
cannot accept this easily. The blood hasn’t yet been touched by so-called ultra-modernity,
that’s why. Beloved, you have kept me incomplete, unfulfilled, unsatisfied. I wonder—you are that person who couldn’t spend even one night without caressing me. How do you now pass night after night without me? Don’t you need me anymore? Yet see, even today nothing comes to my mind except thoughts of you. Truly, nothing else ever will. Do you understand how much a relationship’s recognition matters in a person’s life? Especially in a woman’s life? You won’t understand,
you never will.
How can someone who treats people like toys
understand human dignity? People are treasures of love,
treasures of affection. Don’t neglect them so much. This is a great sin, beloved!
You know, my love,
I see you in almost every
man! How strange is that? I search for your
shadow in everyone. Someone walks like you, someone
speaks like you, someone
waves their hand like you, someone
looks like you, someone combs their hair like you,
someone laughs like you. Yet
I care for none of them. None of them carries your scent! None of them
has your color in their heart. That exquisite fragrance of your sweat—I can only
find it when I’m close to you! When someone comes to whisper sweet words of love to me, I find them unbearable. You must be
calling me worthless in your mind, aren’t you? Go ahead, say it! What else could I be?
I’m already ruined! Otherwise, why would I
be dying bit by bit so shamelessly for you? Today I’ve become worthless to you. Yet,
once I was the queen
of your heart. I gave you all my riches with both hands, surrendered myself to you completely, my entire world was filled with only you, I could give up any
relationship for you
with a smile. When you were bound to me by ties of self-interest, how loving you became, making me forget everything to keep me
yours alone. What was mere self-interest to you was love to me, my world, my life! This worthless, shameless girl has
loved you more than
anyone will ever love you again, you’ll see. True love, devotion,
sincerity comes
so rarely. Once lost, it can never be found again. If you think the body is
everything in personal life, then of course
I have nothing more to say. If you had explained this before, made it clear, I wouldn’t have even
stepped on your shadow. How was I to understand that you were such
a peddler of touch? Why did you
drive me mad with your false
dreams and fantasies? What harm had I ever done you?
You once said that people never learn to value what they get too easily. But I found you so easily—you surrendered to my heart before I even asked. Yet have I ever dishonored you, ever treated you with indifference? Then did you find me so easily? I don’t remember. Or should I assume that you are simply… accessible? Joy, joy, and more diabolical joy is yours. Your entire being pulses with nothing but happiness! How much laughter spills through your life! You remain blinded by such blazing light! I was quite content in darkness. Why did you make me see the light? And having shown it to me, why did you hurl me back into darkness again? To me, the person I love matters infinitely more than my eyes, more than my very body. I have never seen wealth as towering as yours, so I don’t know how to compare worldly riches with the person I love. To me, all the treasures of the world stand on one side, and you on the other.
You men have lost the capacity and sensitivity to feel a woman’s love in the pettiness of mere lust. You will never be able to love. You will never discover what joy comes from loving. You have forgotten how to love. Someone showed you the dawn and left, and your entire day passed in untimely hours. The colors of twilight have faded in your life, the moon’s gentle light no longer touches you, sweet sunlight no longer plays in your eyes, the drumming sound of rain no longer sways you, no longer carries you away in streams of unknown emotion. Tell me, does rain truly not move you anymore? The hues of rain still intoxicate me. We met on a rainy evening in monsoon. Do you remember? How melancholy that day had become! At the sound of your voice, melancholy nature forgot its sorrow and burst into peals of laughter! Your terrifyingly beautiful voice has enveloped my world ever since that day. Tell me, beloved, have you ever seen the moon rise in a rain-soaked evening sky? Such things happen in autumn. It rose that day. You’ve forgotten, haven’t you? Until that day I loved winter, now I love you, so I love autumn. Autumn gave me all of life’s joy and anguish together. Tell me, beloved, if I brought you the moon from the sky in my hands, would you love me then? Not the moon, actually—moonlight, moonlight. If all the soft light of moonbeams melted in the palm of your hand because of me, would you love me then? What do you want, tell me? Sunshine? Rain? Or perhaps the last light of evening? What would make you truly, truly love me? If someday the North Star descends to your room, will you call me to your side that day? I will not be your moon. The moon has blemishes, and because the moon exists, so does the new moon. The moon doesn’t appear in the sky every night. Even when it rises, the full moon doesn’t come daily to sweep us away. Whether the moon rises or not, what does it matter to the stars? They fill the sky’s breast with their modest light. If white and gray clouds come and shroud the sky, do the stars flee from heaven then? Know this: in the sky of your love, I am not the moon, but the North Star. Like the North Star, I too will be your companion on the journey. I will share not only in your happiness, but take my portion of your sorrows too. I will never let you be lost. I know your love is very beautiful. You can love with such tenderness. Please don’t destroy this beautiful love of yours.
The one you will
make your lifelong companion—you’ll love her deeply,
won’t you? You won’t cause her even a moment’s pain. You’ll cherish her so
tenderly, won’t you? I often think how blessed that girl will be! She’ll have
you for a lifetime without any suffering. She’ll be the mother of your children. What fortune
she’s brought into this world! That girl will love you deeply too, adore you, care for you.
She’ll try with all her heart to keep you happy always. She’ll never disobey you. All
the foods you love, she’ll cook
them often and well. When you return home from outside, she’ll pull off your socks, breathe in deeply the scent of your shirt. She’ll make you coffee,
hang your clothes
on the balcony to dry. She’ll wash your dirty clothes with such care, dry them, iron them, and put them away. She’ll tend to your books with
loving attention, dusting and cleaning them. Before you go anywhere, she’ll pack your bag for you,
find whatever you need, whenever you need it. She’ll always wear
the clothes you prefer. She’ll wear saris in the colors you like, with a red dot on her forehead. Whatever you love most,
she’ll love deeply too. Do you know what my mother says?
The way people tend to flowering plants with care, that’s exactly how one must care for
the person you love. The person you love and your most precious things are the same. They need tending, need to be kept with affection. Your wife will care for you so
tenderly, won’t she? She’ll be so mindful of you. She’ll attend to your body
in every way. When you’re ill, she’ll bathe you, feed you with affection, place the medicine in your mouth. When you have to leave home
very early, she’ll wake before you
to prepare breakfast, heat your bathwater,
won’t she? She’ll care deeply for your family. Whatever it takes to make you happy—
no matter how difficult—she’ll do it all. Loving you, she’ll accept all your faults with a smile,
making garlands of flowers from them. She’ll love your small dreams so much. When you love someone,
you must love their dreams too. When the whole
world mocks your dreams, she’ll still live in them. You’ll live as the man of her
dreams. How tenderly she’ll cherish you! As I write these words,
my eyes are blurring, large
drops of tears are staining the paper, my hands are trembling,
my head is spinning—
thinking of that blessed woman’s happiness
fills me with fierce jealousy, yet not a single ill wish for you two comes to my heart. Truly, my dear,
I don’t want you to be unhappy.
Well, you’ll love her so much too, won’t you? You’ll have such tenderness for her. You’ll take her to so many places. Whatever she needs, you’ll bring it to her even before she asks. You’ll suddenly buy her a sari you think she’ll love and surprise her. When she’s draping her sari, you’ll help her get the pleats just right. Wherever you go, you’ll take her with you. She’ll walk holding your hand, you’ll bathe together, you’ll wash her body clean, towel her dry, dress her. In winter she’ll rub lotion on your skin, and you’ll do the same for her. Tell me, do you like wet hair? Sometimes you’ll dry the water from her hair with a towel, won’t you? You’ll comb her hair. Coming home from the office, you’ll bring her favorite chocolates. Sometimes you’ll sit side by side all night eating chocolate. If it were me, I would have eaten the chocolate right from your mouth while you were chewing it. Will she eat like that? When you’re writing or reading books, she’ll sit quietly beside you. She’ll gaze at you with unwavering eyes. You’ll never grow old in her sight. Early in the morning when you’re still sleeping, she’ll start her day looking at your peaceful face. Every moment of hers will pass in wonderful happiness, thinking of you. Tell me, what greater gift could there be in a woman’s life? You know, I love kadam flowers so much; tuberose too. Do you like kadam flowers? On your way home from the office during the monsoon, if you spot kadam flowers, will you bring some for her? You’ll see, then you’ll remember me exactly. She’ll be so happy receiving this gift from you. Sometimes you’ll bring a garland of bakul flowers and put it in her hair bun. Such affection, isn’t it? Such tenderness, isn’t it? Women don’t want much, you know! Just this little bit makes their eyes sparkle with joy. This small happiness is worth so much! She’ll be blessed by your love. When she carries your child in her womb, how much care you’ll give her, won’t you? You’ll feed her, when she falls asleep you’ll sit by her head, humming your favorite songs while stroking her hair to wake her every morning. When she sulks sometimes, you’ll say “I love you” a hundred times, and she’ll smile sweetly and hide her face in your chest while you smile gently and rest her head on your right shoulder. Then your fingers will get lost in the stream of her hair. You’ll tell her, may our daughter be just as beautiful as you! Think about it, how wonderful! See how happy she’ll be! How much more affection she’ll receive from you! While talking with her, suddenly say “I love you!” You’ll see how a river of sudden joy sweeps her away! Your heart, your love is so very beautiful. You’ll love her so beautifully. How fortunate that girl is, she’ll hear your child call her ‘Mother!’ What more could she want in life, tell me? On special days she’ll dress up beautifully, surrender herself to your left arm wearing a white sari with red border, jasmine garlands wound in her hair, walking beside you. And you’ll wear a deep maroon punjabi. On Pahela Falgun she’ll wear a yellow sari with black border and you’ll wear a black punjabi. You’ll both look strangely beautiful! Everyone will keep looking at you both and say, “What a beautiful couple! How perfectly they suit each other!”
“Look, look!” What more could a girl want in one lifetime, tell me? Who in this world could be happier than her? How beautiful your life will be! God’s grace and blessings will shower down upon your lives every moment!