Muna to Baker's Brother

Dear Bake's brother,

How are you over there? Do you still think of me in that place?
What burns you more — the hanging for a false case, or the fact that Muna never loved you while there was still time? We're always too late, aren't we?

Tell me, Bake's brother, why could you never speak your love aloud? Have you gained some wisdom going over to the other side, or are you still the same fool, Bake's brother? Do you still love that song, "Hawame urta jaye..."? Have you managed to quit smoking bidis and cigarettes?

Bake's brother, can you tell me why I couldn't love you? Why couldn't I make a home with such a wonderful man as you? Even after breaking once, people stand up again. When one sandbar dissolves in the river, hundreds of new ones rise again. We could have risen too, couldn't we, Bake's brother?
We could have painted all this grey wall with thick coats of seven colors!
Why couldn't we have a household together, Bake's brother? Why couldn't our joys be set to the tune of "Hawame urta jaye..."?

You would have been my disheveled, foolish man coming home at evening's end. When the smell of cigarettes came from your mouth, I would have scolded you terribly. Though on your way back, you would surely have kept a piece of chewing gum in your mouth so I couldn't catch the smell. I would have caught it anyway!

Every day we would have quarreled about this and that. Annoyed by your absent-minded behavior, I would sometimes go to my father's house in a huff. We would fight, even come to blows, but neither would leave the other. Every day I would say, "My life is ruined because of you!" Yet in my heart I would say, "Without you, I have no other life!"

Tell me, Bake's brother, why did I never call you 'tumi'? Does calling someone 'tumi' require too much intimacy? I didn't have that right, did I? Today you are gone, and today I long to call you 'tumi', Bake's brother! Time has passed, hasn't it! In this life I desperately need a 'tumi' just like you! Perhaps this life will pass without such a 'tumi'!

Bake's brother, if you had lived, perhaps I would have made a home with you. Perhaps my small two-line life would have been joined with yours. Why didn't this happen, Bake's brother? Why did I have to lose you to understand all this?

Bake's brother, you know, every day I think I must be having a nightmare. Soon the dream will break, and you'll suddenly appear and say, "Hey Muna, hey! Get up, come, let's go stand on the veranda outside, let's look at the stars together. Star-gazing is good work."
We would listen to songs while watching stars, "Hawame urta jaye..." with gentle breezes blowing all around. Yet look, today you yourself have become a star in the sky!
You know, every evening I look at the sky, searching intently — which star among all those star-filled skies are you! Are you the most brilliantly shining star, or are you the dimmest one, burning alone in a corner with a heavy heart?
Can you see me, Bake's brother? Do you want to speak? While wiping away tears, do you want to say, "Muna, I love you very much"? Why is saying "I love you" so difficult for some people, Bake's brother?

Bake's brother, you know, after you left, how terribly lonely I feel! I've never felt this lonely, this alone in my entire life. After you died, the whole world seems like a lonely star where there's no one but me. Why does it feel this way, Bake's brother? Did I actually love you, Bake's brother? Could I not understand this even then? Why do some people never sense the love that lives inside their hearts?

Why does leaving you feel so desolate, Bake's brother! It feels as if nowhere in this entire vast world is there anyone, nothing at all!

I'll go now, Bake's brother. Something has gotten into my eyes!
Believe me, Bake's brother, I'm not crying at all! Not at all!
There's just so much dust in this city now, so...

Yours truly—
Muna, who became yours at such an untimely moment