Mirror's Other Face

Does love grow old? Does it age? Do its bones shiver in winter?
Everything I say these days feels like old-person talk... all of it!
Those first half-formed words... so sweet... where did they disappear?
Does love grow old just like this?
As days dwindle and nights deepen, does it bind us tighter still?
When love remains, does trust settle strong in the relationship?
Just as a sailor catches wind even in torn sails through fierce storms,
can love pull us through the same way?
Do relationships survive by tasting all kinds of faith?
 
Why did my little love age so quickly?
Do things really happen this suddenly?
Just the other day... I still remember it all... the first time I saw you!
Step by step, on tiptoe, how many moments slipped away with you,
thinking of you alone, how many stories I told myself — who keeps count!
It feels like it was only moments ago!
How many selves does a person have, tell me? The mind, I see, has many!
One mind says, don't go forward, if you go forward how will you retreat?
Another mind says right then, for however many days you're alive,
move forward exactly that many days!
These days even love gets caught in tug-of-war!
I can no longer take such measured, calculated steps!
 
How much longer?
The waiting?
For a fragment of love?
Before receiving it, fear grabs me from behind, as if it's settled in my mind!
Love yanked me suddenly to the seashore and said... gather shells!... then vanished...
Tell me, could I gather your love even if I gave my entire life?
If an entire lifetime is just gathering, will the love I have for you ever run out?
Sometimes I think deeply... I was alone, and quite fine that way!
I never knew I had no one to love, that one truly needs someone to live—
I never realized this, not even by mistake!
Like a child, alone I laughed, played, rolled in the dust with my heart's joy for so many days!
 
That same me nowadays can't focus on work or mind!
I don't know how my time just slips away today!
What I should do doesn't stay in mind. What I've done, I forget too!
Some bird keeps coming and going in my heart all day long...
Suddenly I think, let me name this bird!
And I did — Golden Bird!
Why I gave it this name, let me keep that to myself! Let it stay that way...
If I find a better name, we'll see then!
Sometimes my mind asks, besides this name, what do I call the person?
I wander through my mind's entire world and can't find a single name,
a name that would soothe my soul when I call you...
How helpless must love become to be like this?
Even about a trivial name, how much I think!
 
There's a reason why my mind won't settle anywhere these days...
I'm actually trapped, stuck in bottomless mud,
with no path of escape!
There are thousands of other reasons! One of them...
All my childish ways, I keep them alive...
They're not heavy in numbers, but heavy in substance!
It has chained me and given me freedom,
I have no power to go beyond those chains!
So I'm perfectly fine... wonderfully fine even in chains.
The key to the lock that bound these chains lies only with you!
 
These days I can no longer carry the burden of my mind!
So wherever the mind-traveler finds an address,
it runs there... the mind is utterly unbound!
From somewhere you brought a cup of life,
touched by that life, I'm floating on air... living so fully!
Yet I had life before too, it was a dark-colored life!
Suddenly I got new life, intensely colorful... as if the color of my blood changed,
the reel of my mind, the weave of its thread. My blood was blackish, now it's red fire!
I never saw such colorful life before, never lived in it,
so how do I have the audacity to drive that life?
 
I've just received it, let it stay scattered a few days more!
Let it be somewhat messy!
This is something else entirely... what's happening lately is intense!
My days of measured words are over, I think!
That old word-shy girl, where did she suddenly disappear!
The girl whose words would get stuck near her throat when she tried to speak,
who was instead scolded by their shadows, whose glances lay in wait when she tried to write... piercing only the heart's chamber,
that same girl writes so many words! How? Is this some magic?
And what language, this waterfall of words, with only ink as witness!
She hurls feelings onto paper's back, tears them on word's shore!
Who would believe seeing this... such a specimen of the girl's word-shyness!
 
Where was all this parrot-language hidden for so long?
The girl thinks, how awkward all these feelings are!
Where do they come from? How?
I never saw them in air or light...
They never caught my eye in roadside dust either,
even in those terrible flame-days, they weren't there a single day!
The smell of earth... I've breathed it so many times in this life!
Even walking barefoot never felt like this,
the procession of new leaves on trees... I never got lost watching that either!
Just as a monsoon river overflows both banks with waves' force,
I never floated in fear's current with flood's speed... alas, now I am!
 
Everything comes... good and bad mixed, they come these days,
see how even rain falls without falling,
without saying, without speaking, in a sliver of sun's touch, inside and outside float away...
I just wonder, why are they coming? From where... how?
Just one cup of colorful life... brings such storm... so intoxicating!
What can I say, I'm truly trapped!
Now I only need a battlefield!
If I had that, there'd be fights over every word... word-battles!
 
All those rascal languages sit as shadows on my shoulders,
the moment I reach out to touch... they vanish in gasping wind!
I'm quite clumsy at running... how do I catch them?
Lately I feel so tired, when I try to run... my body trembles,
sleep descends on my eyes like a kingdom's drowse... what to do! I'm not used to this!
There's no hurry either, I'll run very slowly...
Will the words escape? Let them go! Where will they go anyway?
Will they cross the world and stop on the other side? Let them! What difference does it make!
 
Tell me, has the sun fallen in love with earth?
If not, why does it scatter all kinds of colorful particles with its light?
How does the sun know that without throwing those colors, earth would die?
Can such knowledge exist without loving deeply?
I'm thinking again, all these words that happen, words that fly, words that turn...
If I open this basket of words, will they make sweet warm rice cakes?
What if there were a word-season like winter?
Then I'd make word-cakes and eat them up gulp by gulp,
then where would all those languages run!
 
Without all this twisting and turning, just tell me,
what do you want from me? Why did you come? Why are you staying?
How can I bear so much pain? I never did before!
I understand, I can grasp it well,
your thirst, your intoxication, your need... will finish me just like this!
You paint rain-stories in eye's pattern with colored brush strokes,
hide dreams in my word-clouds' folds, keep them concealed.
I almost think, dying would be better than living like this!
See how I'm living perfectly well anyway...
one side is white, the other side mixing with black!
 
I convince myself—
Punishment... everyone gets that,
holding nightmare's hand, seeking news of good times... oh life!
When punishment comes, peace comes naturally...
Living days in such hope... this is what living means, I know!