Marriage First? Or Career?

If you truly wish to stand on your own feet, to forge your own identity, to prove yourself through your own efforts, to support your family with your own hands — then there are countless role models before you. There are many people who have walked this path and shown that it can be done.

Let me tell you something: you can take exams for government jobs until you're thirty. Now there are so many advantages — the quota system is gone, getting a job is much easier now, the path is far more transparent. The removal of the quota system is tremendously good news — truly excellent news. You can certainly marry after thirty, but you won't be able to take those job exams anymore.

So for you, since you want to stand on your own feet, since your desire is to prove yourself through your own work, what matters most right now is striving for that job. When you do get a job, the dignity with which you'll be able to live after marriage — you might not have that same dignity if you marry before securing employment. You don't know what kind of mindset your life partner will have. You might say you're in love, that you've known each other for a long time! But remember this: how people are during courtship and how they are after marriage — these are not the same thing. I have seen this happen many, many times. So if you want to live with dignity in your in-laws' home, then pursue that job.

You can marry after thirty without any difficulty. It might mean that by the time you celebrate your twentieth wedding anniversary, you'll have aged a bit — yes, that much is possible. But you can still marry, whereas you won't be able to get a government job after thirty. If you marry now and don't strive for a career, what happens later if troubles arise? If you face humiliation, if your relationship doesn't last, if for some reason there's a breakup or divorce — where will you go then? Back to your parents? To become a burden? To listen to reproaches day and night? Why? When you have options in your hands, when you have qualifications, when there's potential within you — why not put it to use?

And if you think, "I won't bother with jobs and careers, I'll just marry and live happily ever after" — that's fine too, there's nothing wrong with that! Go ahead and marry. That's also a perfectly valid path. It's also a very good career. Because managing a household after marriage, raising children — these are incredibly difficult tasks. Yes, truly very difficult work! But you must also see whether your partner values the work you're doing. Make sure your partner doesn't say things like "You don't do anything, you're just unemployed." They should never speak that way. They should say, "All day you manage the home, take care of the children, cook, keep everything organized — this is no less than having a job, in fact it's more." If you find someone with that kind of mindset, then go ahead and marry. But if you don't find someone with that understanding, if you have even the slightest confusion about it, then keep a security plan for yourself. And that security is a job — something that will help you survive when you need it, something that will give you at least some dignity. Keep that much within yourself. This is what I believe!