Love-bound Utterance

To whom shall I go to ask for water?
To whom shall I show this heart's bottomless depths?
When pain comes, who will offer tenderness?
Who will listen to news of my daily sadness?
Weary, where shall I lay my head?
To whom shall I pour out all these unspoken words?
When home runs out, who will give me space?
Which is that home that will be mine at day's end?
In which sky shall I fly each day?
Within whose borders shall I search for you?
Who will be the shield against all wounds?
Who will come daily to wrap me in love?
Where will my grievances find their target?
Who will forbid me from getting drenched in sun?
When I fall and break, who will lift me up?
Who will take my hand and bind it to theirs?
Who will scold me under the guise of teaching?
Who will stop me when I'm about to take the wrong path?
What is a beloved like?
One who washes away all pain, hiding it in the heart?
Where will I find such a person?
When evening falls, to which home shall I go?

Go now, I will ask for love no more,
No longer will I crowd that city of illusions with hollow dreams,
I will not seek hope in any light of false desire,
At the bend in the road I'll shake off all shadows,
My old mansion,
My cherished hearth,
My one 'you'—
Taking leave of everything, I'll disappear from this life!

I have learned you are the sun,
I have learned you are my morning;
Even within this knowing, something remained unknown,
There was some false pretense,
There was a serpent's hood,
There were some black deep pits,
Everything was there, only you were not!

This farewell tastes so bitter,
This evening feels so strange,
This city seems no longer mine,
The city where you live—I alone am absent there,
Alas, nowhere am I...not even a little!

The day is ending, now I must surely go,
On the other shore a settlement has grown,
On the other shore people have become mere lanterns,
That other shore holds your absence,
Let your absence now enter my nature,
Let all scorched love and passion meet their end,
Let all the flame-trees of dawn be forgotten!

False I always was,
All the garlands I strung were false too,
The evenings I painted remained forever strange to you,
I didn't understand—what were all those fancies?
When does a bird return to another nest,
When does a bird simply abandon its old home?
My knowledge was bounded by just one moon, so lonely;
There was some crushed pain pressed upon my chest,
Only you were not there,
Only I was lost alone,
Only I raved...I love...I love!

False was that seven-step love,
False was my henna-stained courtyard,
You had said you'd never let this courtyard decay,
You had said, the heart's people are home's people,
You had said, home's people stay at home!
Didn't you say all this?
What was that home then?
Who was in that home then?

In your home, evenings of every kind descend,
In your sky there are many, oh yes, so many stars!
Those who have become yours,
Those who lit lamps without me,
Those who are so very close to you without me,
Only they are close to you, I know that now...!
Who are they, do you know?
I am not!

In your home, by whose hand does the evening lamp burn?
Who comes to put out the last light of night?
Who draws into their chest the joy of your breath?
Who becomes more intimate than I?
What is that clay face full of magic?
You who are homeward-bound, I was just a home,
At least I've learned that much!
I understand things quite wrongly, don't I?
Whatever I know, I know wrongly,
Everything is filled with error!

Every path of this life—I've walked the wrong way,
Whoever I walked with on life's road, whose hand I held,
I walked with the wrong person every single time,
Everything of mine went wrong,
This very self of mine filled up with mistakes,
Even I myself am no longer my own,
For who is closer to oneself than oneself?
Error is my greatest intimate,
In error lie my true tune and voice!

Could you count the night stars all alone?
Could you get drunk alone on the cricket's call?
Was there nowhere your need for me?
Even if there was, was I merely an excuse then?
Was I merely a traveler then?
Was I merely something absurd?
Was I merely a visitor?

Today I have so many questions,
My questions look toward me again and again—
Like twinkling stars,
Like tiny fireflies,
Like moonlight-soaked glittering water,
They look at me and smile,
They belittle me,
They look at me deeply with contempt,
They throw pitying glances my way and live on.

I will never again want that night
That was covered and erased among thousands of moments,
I will not want that honey-morning that was shared with someone else,
I will not want that momentary stirring,
Even in dreams I will not want that dream-soaked heart.

Let the familiar mountains remain mine alone,
Let the unknowns fade away unknown,
Let dreams wander in my dreams,
Let my ferry float Maya's strange boat,
Let it separate in continuous waters,
Let darkness drift in light's confusion,
Let whatever I've saved be somehow spent,
Let my sorrow suffer sorrow,
Let golden birds fly in your sky,
Let your sky be adorned with thousands of stars,
Let your evening burn with various lights,
Let unlimited, infallible peace come to your home.

You are my astrologer,
The boatman of my lonely shore,
My one and only river,
My sole playmate,
All my shy thefts,
All my rebellious desires,
Or all the eternal joy I called—that was only you,
I'm returning with all these things
That were mine or in our possession!

What did I have then?
A pillow or a quilt?
Everything is lost,
There's nothing left to give,
When I return empty-handed,
Let some memory remain then,
Let some memories lie between us,
In that space that's left loose and casual, sometimes,
Let that place live in old love,
Let some affection lie there,
Let some memories survive there and play every day,
—As mine, as yours!

Is this how all love in every age remains fallen on the road?
Is this how lights fall and scatter at the road's bend?
Is this how homes break before anything is understood?
Is this how sorrows accumulate in thousands of loves?
Love! Oh love!
You found no shelter anywhere,
Love, you got no place at all even today,
Yet with what pride you live on, age after age, O love!