Living in Mirrors Under Different Light

 Without wanting, without getting, the bond lives on beautifully,
 Forgetting gain and self-interest, two souls dwell in perfect harmony!
 However much I tell myself not to think this way, is it clear as water?
 No expectations exist, yet pain remains,
 Grief without pretense lingers,
 Distance draws near, closeness pushes away,
 Such relationships...there are so many!
  
 Nothing else—just let me know how you are.
 Where you are, send me word.
 I'll stay far away if I must,
 But write me a letter, even briefly.
 Don't come close, stay distant,
 Just let me think of you.
  
 Your memory makes me weep terribly,
 Words gather dust, dust falls sadly...
 Forgetfulness settles in secret notebooks.
 How many days have passed, years have turned...one by one,
 Yet why do I still remember today!
  
 Tell me truly, who came close first—you, or I?
 I know you love them! Love them more, I know that too!
 Yet I wonder...more than me?
 Their claim over you is complete—I accept it, sir!
 But the old claim I have, it remains, I won't let it go, mark my words!
 Whatever right or claim I have over you has no country, no time....
 However precious, it has no meaning at all!
  
 Outside I see the lazy light of noon sun smiling softly,
 The harmonium scattered on the bed still measures time so precisely,
 My mind wonders, if I'd built a home with you...would happiness have fled?
 Then I think again, even without having you I've remained...not bad!
 When I close my eyes I touch you,
 Between my fingers, with another hand I walk,
 In feeling, you still remain!
  
 In this heart, in your face's gaze, tears come with rain,
 I stare absently... suddenly then, you hide dimly in memory,
 Deep pain vanishes for a moment!
 Mind quarrels with mind, so many stories...woven words,
 So many answers weep in my head—no questions exist...such agony!
 I reach out both hands in vain...the soul weeps, seeks you,
 What I don't search for comes so easily,
 You don't come!
  
 When I caress them out of duty,
 After cooking, feed them their meal,
 Only you come to mind.
 Every moment I think of you....can't find you near!
 Mind runs away, feet don't run—the chains are heavy!
 Swallowing tears I keep smiling.....the burden grows, only my burden grows!
  
 The exchange of hands—harsh judgment,
 Dreaming in one room while building life in another—learning to live just to fulfill the duty of living!
 Marriage is merely a game of companionship, yet life passes in this companion-house like a death trap!
 No fulfillment exists, only company—such company makes one weep terribly!
 What brings no joy, solitude is far better than that!
  
 When I give them my full love and affection, I don't give my heart,
 I call them 'you' formally, never 'you' intimately, it won't come to my lips even after a thousand tries,
 The one I love, I call 'you' intimately,
 The one I live with against my heart's will, I keep at 'you' formally!
 I too had an intimate 'you' once, now only the formal 'you' remains....I miss that intimate 'you' so much.
  
 My dear one! Stay very well!
 You're mixed within me, will remain so...throughout my heart—in prayers, in good wishes...for all my life!
 Around all this 'I' is only your shadow, the tears of gray days, night processions,
 Even in crowds I weep alone, don't even get time to look at the sky!
 Last night there was no moon, across the sky only stars were scattered,
 Going up to the roof, embracing me closely, they whispered sweetly in my ear,
 "Beloved, listen, I may give you something, or I may not,
 It's just a small request...I'm giving it, keeping it!"
 They don't know how much your two eyes are mixed across the canvas of my sky!
 You are my sky, darling, in that sky no one else ever comes, never forgotten!
  
 What strange living this is!
 Everything that seems wonderful, I reach out, and it's gone!
 Someone's hope brings more hope,
 Someone's hope brings only despair!
 When living doesn't feel good,
 Life means still living then!
 Adjusting, getting along—this is life!
  
 I can't anymore...all my truths, my principles—they're just rotting!
 Lies fly kites, truth disguised chases time,
 Your thoughts become even smaller when it comes to me,
 My pain only grows with your neglect, your riddle games!
 Who I am to you, you never knew in this life!
 What love is your daily game,
 That love is my life's time!
 Whatever distance exists, I erase with love in my mind,
 In departure you've become your own,
 Moving far you've come even closer,
 Not being anywhere you're everywhere.....still now, even today!
 What will come of spending such a life in delusion!
  
 Love today is like illness—
 Try to grasp it, pain increases,
 Try to let go, life is lost,
 Forgetting everything, nurturing sorrow in the chest
 Even tears burn the heart...in what strange joy!
  
 I wanted nothing but you alone,
 Yet I've received only a life of separation's stillness!
 No one beside me, showing teeth in mocking laughter,
 I can't anymore, even when tears come no water flows,
 How much more living in such pain!
  
 Stay well, beloved,
 I won't bind you in this sorrow anymore,
 I'll burn alone thinking of you,
 If happiness never comes,
 Let sorrow at least be my own!
 This small life—let it pass in pain,
 What else can happen!
 However much separation torments....somehow I can endure it!
 I can't forget, in the depths of my mind you stay still.....the only pain of living is this!
  
 I'm betting,
 If someone ever
 In this life
 Loves like I do,
 That day, know...
 All the stars' bodies will fall,
 Constellations will change direction,
 Rivers of fire will quench thirst,
 Water's warm intensity will burn eyes,
 The sun's rising direction will turn,
 This earth will become different!
  
 You're laughing so much?
 Thinking with laughter,
 Will this really happen?
 Who else will love that much!
 I know, I know, you understand everything!
 What good is understanding! Night falls,
 I stay awake, you too stay awake,
 My self remains yours as before...understanding everything—
 Your self is not mine, beloved!