Like Tears of Prayer

When I think of you with complete selflessness, I find profound peace. Once I was in such terrible condition that I had to take injection after injection. At first the whole thing was causing unbearable agony—then suddenly I did something...I closed my eyes and simply said to myself—"You have given me so much peace." That's all! All my suffering vanished in an instant.

I have anxiety issues—suddenly everything starts feeling so chaotic...I can't keep myself steady no matter what...

This time I'll stop searching for you, it can't go on like this.

You once told me, I remember—that I become restless when I can't find you...you were absolutely right. That causes me terrible anguish. I thought about it—why am I searching for you so desperately? Why? I found the answer to that too—perhaps there's some self-interest behind it.

Indeed there is.

One. Don't I want to hold you close? When I can't find you, I simply cannot escape that moment.

Two. When you're not there, I can't write anything, nothing at all.

But now, setting aside all these selfish motives, I began to imagine you in my mind—then the restlessness slowly started to subside. I don't know how long I'll remain somewhat well this way. To me you are very much like that tear of prayer—something purely sudden.