**Life Mixed in the Seen and Unseen / One**

I had gone to Pabna for a visit. Whenever I'm in Pabna, I stay at my friend Shoyeb's place. Suchitra Sen's house is next to his, which is why I stay there. He takes me to see the river, which is why I stay. I find a certain kind of love at his home, which is why I stay. Talking with him gives me a certain good feeling, which is why I stay. Anyway, last time (I can't remember when exactly. I don't remember the timing of most events in my life), after going to Pabna, at Shoyeb's request, I spoke to some people in the auditorium of Pabna Edward College. I think that same day I also spoke at the campus of Pabna University of Science and Technology. I enjoy speaking in front of people. I'm sharing some of those words with you. Someone had recorded some of the conversation. I can't remember who.

Q: I used to love a girl very much. She loved me too, still does. I mean, we're still in a relationship! But I don't feel good about her anymore. I just can't make her understand this. She wants to stay with me. I don't want that. What should I do now?
A: You don't want to be with her, that's fine. Explain it to her. It's not like you have to be with someone. There are many techniques for explaining things. And since you have a relationship, she naturally expects something from you, and that's how it should be. You can't avoid this. If you do avoid it, then you're not really a human being. If you ignore the girl, you'll have to suffer. You'll get your comeuppance. And another thing. You said you "used to love" her... what kind of talk is that? What do you mean by "used to love"? Love has no past tense—love is always present tense. Once you truly love someone, can you really stop loving them? Love doesn't have an on-off switch. If that happens—if you love someone today and don't love them tomorrow—then I'd say what you had today wasn't actually love at all, it was just a relationship. We mistake relationships for love. Relationships can become past, but love never becomes past. If your love gets destroyed just because you didn't get someone, then that wasn't love—that was just a relationship. Love isn't determined by whether you got them or not. Remember, anyone can have a relationship, but not everyone can truly love.
Q: Brother, I don't enjoy studying. Actually, I don't enjoy doing anything. What should I do?
A: Cut the pretense. You enjoy chatting and hanging around just fine. Here you are, chatting away, wandering around happily—it's okay, fine! But look, those who don't do everything on time, who waste time, they have to regret it later. All this old-fashioned bookish talk, but it's still true today. There comes a time when both a person's patience and willingness to work hard diminish. Then the work—whether it's studying or some other important task—becomes difficult for you, and day by day it becomes even more difficult. You know why? Because your competitors, those who'll compete with you, they're getting smarter now. People aren't fools anymore—they've become clever and intelligent. Nobody sits around twiddling their thumbs; everyone's doing something, so you should do something too. Try to do something... tutor, read books, get your math and English basics right, keep improving yourself continuously. You think you can lounge around on the streets and campus, fall in love to your heart's content, waste time lying around like an idiot, and then some ghost will come and hand you a job? What nonsense is that? While you're relaxing, some friend of yours is preparing himself. So after graduation, he'll get the job before you do, and you'll spend a few more years wandering around aimlessly, slapping your forehead in regret... that's only natural. If you study three hours more than your friend every day, you'll get the job three years before him. I'm not saying this will definitely happen, but keeping this in mind will help you organize yourself. That's all there is to it—you understand everything, yet you keep yourself useless. I've talked too much, haven't I? Sorry, how is it?
Q: No, no, no... I'm enjoying it.
A: Go ahead, if you have anything else to know or hear, tell me. If you have any advice for me or if you want to share something from your heart, say that too.
Q: Brother, could you name some non-fiction books you like?
A: Among non-fiction books, my absolute favorites are motivational books. I used to read tons of motivational books. I don't read much now—with job, family, and writing, I don't get time to read. I just keep buying and stacking them. But yes, I used to read a lot at one time. And I enjoy reading essays, simple prose, poetry, writing about films. There are several other things like that. By the way, I absolutely love reading and listening to interviews. I don't read science fiction—it bores me. I don't read anything about politics—it's extremely boring. Actually, these are not my cup of tea. Then... I really enjoy biographies. I've mentioned in one of my writings about reading biographies of great men. It's very enjoyable to read and also extremely useful. And while reading biographies, there's something I really love doing—I try to imitate their style, I mean the way those great people worked to become great. Not following, but actually imitating. Copy-paste, you know! I mean, I break down all my beliefs and experiences and customize myself like them. The task is difficult, I know. I also know that almost all the important tasks in life are terribly difficult. They have some dark sides to their lives—every person has some dark sides to their life. I've never enjoyed dwelling on those things, still don't. Instead, I think about their illuminated sides. I try to get inside their minds, think like them, imitate them. So you can try this—you'll like it. And motivational books help a lot. Because we are, as a people, inherently hopeless, inherently dejected and melancholy. Wherever we look, we see darkness. So if you want to see light, first you have to kindle the light inside your own mind. No one will light it for you, because there's no one around capable of lighting it! They don't have light themselves—how will they kindle yours? That's why the light has to be kindled from within. And to kindle light from within, you first have to awaken the inside. To do that awakening, you have to read books, listen to some good lectures. You can watch Ted Talks. That's a very good thing. I don't know if any of you watch it. There you go! Now tell me, let me hear from you.
Q: I love someone. I love them very much. But they don't love me anymore. They want to break up. They want to forget the past and move forward. For me, dying would be better than doing this. I can't keep myself stable at all. What should I do?
A: If you feel like dying, go ahead and die. Don't drag your relationship into it. Death itself is a very romantic and noble thing. Voluntary death has no connection with love—it has to do with desire and lack of desire. And where did you get this strange theory that if you love someone, you have to stay with them? You seem to understand that they don't love you, right? So what's the point of causing them unnecessary pain? Some relationships are created just to be broken. Accept this. What will you get from this relationship except pain? The fact that you're trying to hold onto them by force, and they're annoyed by it—can't you understand this? Aren't you ashamed to keep bothering them day after day? Don't you have any self-respect? You can love someone even without being by their side. Love has peace, strength, comfort. Too bad they didn't understand that. From what you're saying, it sounds like you actually just want to maintain the relationship. Suppose they start pretending to love you again right now—then you'd forget everything and get completely swept away! Ha ha ha! Does that make any sense? A one-time relationship may not become a lifelong relationship, but one-time love means love for life. Let me give you some advice—mischievous advice. You can try getting involved with someone else. Life isn't such a trivial thing that you can destroy it thinking about one person. Let them stay in your mind—what's the harm in that? And put someone else in your life. There are many people in this world who have one person in their mind and another in their life. It's no big deal! The important thing is to live in peace. If being with someone destroys that peace, then being alone is much, much, much better.
Q: Brother, there are only two days left for the thirty-eighth BCS exam. If you could say something about this, it would be good.
A: Only two days left! So what are you doing here? The exam is in two days, and you've come to take motivation tablets! At this time, whether you feel like it or not, you just have to study. For studying, habit and urgency work better than motivation... And listen... by the way, those who have exams in two days, the first thing they won't do is answer calls from any learned person. Because you don't really need to know who's studying what and acing everything. What difference does it make to you whether someone else can do something or not? Whether you can ace it or not—that's all you need to worry about. So if you listen to this person and that person, your mood will get spoiled, you'll think you're an idiot, everyone else is capable and you can't do anything—this will ruin your preparation and ruin your exam. You can be absolutely sure of this. You know what you need to think before an exam? You need to think: I am the best! Nobody has better preparation than me. At this time, confidence is more important than preparation. Keep your mobile phone completely off. Even if you keep it on, don't answer calls from anyone outside your immediate family.
No way should you go on Facebook. You won't die if you don't write things like "Nothing better than me has come into this world yet" on Facebook for the next few days. And try to revise what you've already studied if you can. Remember, there's absolutely no need to mess up your head by reading new material now, seriously. You don't know whether what you read now will come in the exam or not. Even what you've already studied might not come. Whether questions are common in the BCS exam or not isn't the main thing—you have to come out having answered everything completely. Whatever it takes, at any cost. And keep your sleep schedule right during this time, brother—you absolutely must maintain proper sleep. If you can't sleep properly, your brain won't function correctly. And don't look at anything new, not at all! Focus more on what you've already studied. And I'm sure you highlighted things while studying—take a look at those. If you don't highlight while studying, you're not really studying properly, because you won't need to read everything again the next time. So now look at the highlighted parts. Read very quickly. Don't even try to memorize during this time, just read through. I don't think you can do much more than this in these two days. And don't talk to anyone about BCS during this period. Follow this advice very strictly. It will help tremendously.
: Brother, some coaching center has given an updated sheet. I'm seeing a lot of new things there. Should I study it or leave it?

: I don't really know about this. It's difficult to say without seeing what they've given. But my experience tells me that most coaching center sheets are useless. Remember, coaching center sheets are mainly created to impress you, nothing else. To do well in exams, you need to try to understand what's in the question-setter's mind.
: I've read past issues of current affairs magazines. I always try to read them. How effective is this?

: Current affairs or these types of books don't really help much in BCS. They might help somewhat in the viva, but not much in prelims or written exams. The updated information given in current affairs doesn't really come much in BCS. Look at the questions—you'll see that out of two hundred questions, at most seven to eight come from very recent topics... well, let's say ten, meaning five percent. That's not much. There's no need to take on the load of reading and remembering current affairs for that. I've seen that reading current affairs and such books makes the BCS exam seem harder than it actually is. Because while reading them, you keep thinking, "I won't remember any of this, what will happen to me!" Do you know why most candidates read current affairs? While reading them, they get this feeling of "I'm studying so much, I'm studying so much." What is this but high-level self-deception? Feelings have no value, only results matter. Even if we don't do it other times, during BCS preparation we definitely do two things: one, read newspapers; two, watch TV news. From there alone you should get at least two out of ten questions common, right? Out of the remaining eight, you might get at most six common from current affairs, current news, current world, today's world, new world type books. For these six marks, if you put the effort you're spending into Bangla, English, math, science, mental ability, your marks will increase by at least 30! Now you tell me where the benefit is greater! For general knowledge, instead of reading all that, look at guides, question banks, model test books—what everyone commonly studies. That will be enough. BCS is not an exam for blind preparation, BCS is an exam for intelligent preparation. Remember, the one who studies more doesn't get the job, the one who studies more intelligently gets the job. Again, doing well in written also depends on those subjects, not on general knowledge. No matter how hard you try, you can't increase marks much in general knowledge! I've never seen anyone become a BCS cadre who is extremely learned in general knowledge but extremely foolish in other subjects.
Stop reading current affairs and these types of books! Why take so much stress? There's really no point to it. Instead of wasting time on those, give that time to other subjects—you'll benefit more. And for just two days, there's no need to read all that. Don't get so scared. What you're thinking—that you won't remember anything, you'll forget everything, etc. etc.—keep one thing in mind: whoever comes first in your batch, meaning in the 38th BCS, is also thinking that nothing will come to mind in the exam hall. So there's really nothing to be so tense about.
: Well, how effective do you think parents' prayers are?

: What kind of question is that, brother? What could be greater than that? Do you think I came first only through my own merit? Yes, there's the matter of merit, but along with that there's luck and the fruits of my parents' good deeds. Don't you believe in luck? Fine, then talk to someone who keeps failing despite giving their all. No one succeeds purely through merit, nor does anyone fail purely due to lack of merit. Let me tell you a story. I mean a real story. My mother doesn't understand BCS, so when I was preparing for and taking the BCS exam, when she prayed to the Creator, she would say, "God, make my son come 'first class first' in the BCS exam!" What a strange prayer, right? If mother had known what BCS was, she might not have had the courage to make such an impossible prayer! I myself never even dreamed that I would come first. Yet see, mother's prayer was accepted! How did this happen? Prayer has a certain power. And the prayer that emerges from a mother's lips has infinite power! The world is a very strange place. No one can say where, how, which prayer works here. So never bring anything negative about yourself to mind—if it gets accepted, you'll be in great trouble. Didn't it ever happen in childhood that you wanted ice cream in your mind, and in the evening you found that father brought ice cream while returning from office? What's the explanation for this? Somehow your thoughts reached father's mind, and perhaps father himself doesn't know that it reached him. All the people in this world, whatever they pray for or want in their minds, spreads as signals. Then no one can say which signal gets received where and how. This is part of the Creator's masterplan—it's not possible to understand it with our brain's limited capacity. Not just parents', but other people's prayers also work. So it's good to work for people. What greater joy is there than helping others?
: If success isn't guaranteed by trying, then what's the point of trying?

: Good question. Yes, you can't say you'll definitely succeed if you try. I've seen many hardworking unsuccessful people in this life. Whether you'll succeed by working hard depends on many factors. For example, you need to know very well whether the path or strategy you're working hard with is correct. Most unsuccessful people give effort and time... either to the wrong things or to the right things but in the wrong way. More important than how much effort I'm making is understanding how much what I'm working for is necessary or whether it's needed at all. Well, suppose everything is right—you fail despite making the right amount of effort in the right way for the right thing. Everyone's capacity isn't the same, everyone's luck isn't the same either. I've seen many capable people fail due to sheer bad luck. Yes, you might fall into their group too. Who can say! But there's something here. You know, the greatest misfortune in this world is the misfortune for which you yourself are responsible. Accepting that is truly very difficult. If you don't try with your everything, meaning if you're not transparent to the mirror of your own heart, then the complete responsibility for your failure is on your shoulders—that is, the failure is what you deserve. And if you fail even after giving your maximum, you won't feel as much sadness, because you made no mistake in your effort—what you didn't get perhaps wasn't written in your destiny. The failure that comes despite complete sincerity and effort doesn't hurt as much as failure due to one's own negligence and deception. The first is destiny, the second is deserved. Accepting failure that is my destiny is as easy as accepting failure that I deserve is difficult.
: In your eyes, what is a person's greatest quality?

: Definitely humanity. After your death, or when you're no longer in the position or situation you're in now, if people remember or love you for anything, it's for your humanity. A person who isn't humane is of no real use to the world. Your position, your power, your wealth will end someday—if you want to live in people's hearts even then, you must be humane. Once ministership is gone, no one even counts former ministers. Look around, you'll understand. There are many MPs whose illness makes people wish for their death. What greater shame could there be in a person's life? But a minister who is sincere and decent gets people's love just as before, even without the ministry. Introduce yourself to everyone as a human being, not as a position-holder.
The bureaucrat who mistreats everyone during his service, deprives people of their rightful services, and flaunts his authority—when he retires, not only do his colleagues or ordinary people avoid him, even his acquaintances refuse to greet him. We must learn to value people as human beings. This is something to be learned, and not everyone can do it. Learn this while you have time, or else you'll end up living like a despised creature in everyone's eyes. There comes a time when every person looks back and finds no one beside them except their own shadow. That day, everyone feels terribly alone. Then, to go on living, one needs the company of people, needs love. If we don't do something in the days before that day arrives—something that earns people's love—then loneliness and melancholy will inevitably descend upon our lives. You know, most government officials don't live long after retirement, because then there's no one left to call them 'Sir,' and they fall ill and die from that very sorrow. Shape yourself in such a way that people respect you not for the weight of your position, but for the weight of your humanity.
: What helps most in living well in this world?
: Let me tell you a story. I have an uncle I know. He's a very wealthy businessman, but he's not formally educated. So one day, while talking with him, I asked my uncle, what's most needed for doing business? Uncle said, 'Intelligence.' The statement is very true. My personal realization is that to get by in this world, you need any one thing. Either knowledge or intelligence. Some people don't have knowledge but have intelligence, and using that, they can go very far in life. Then some people don't have intelligence but have knowledge, like me and many others like me. We too are managing to eat something like uncle, we can't do business, but we have a job. And those who have both knowledge and intelligence—they're masterpieces! Using both properly, they can accomplish a great deal. Such people are rare. So uncle had no formal education, but he had intelligence. I told uncle, I tried to do business but couldn't. Uncle said, no son, how would you do business? I said, why uncle? Why can't I? He said, oh son, you people are learned, your intelligence has made you as intelligent as it could, but your knowledge has made you far more intelligent than that. To do business, you have to be a bit foolish—people who understand too much can't do business... How wonderful I found that statement! Those who understand too much can't do business. Look at the profiles of those who've become great industrialists, dig into their backgrounds, and you'll see they had more practical intelligence. They didn't see the world through rose-colored glasses; they saw the world as it really is. Their intelligence is far, far greater than ours, their judgment better than ours, their wisdom greater than ours. We just enter a system and then what... comfort and more comfort! And someone is doing business, paying us a salary, which we accept. Ours is easy, theirs is difficult. Doing business is hard, undoubtedly much harder. The heavier one's certificates, the lesser one's financial acumen. Go ahead, speak.
: Please say something about BCS English and General Knowledge preparation.
: Those things are in my writings. Go to my website. Then go to the 'BCS & IBA' section and look at the articles. I've written a lot there. I can't tell you everything in such a short time. I used to write regularly in papers once. In Prothom Alo and Kaler Kantho. I used to prepare each piece very carefully. Like, say I was writing on how to do well in mathematics—for just a thousand words on that topic, I'd work 10-12 hours. I had to research many books and syllabi to write advice. When hundreds of thousands of people are going to read an article, you can't just write whatever comes to mind. Much responsibility and accountability are tied to such writing. Along with care and love. So you can read from there too. It will be helpful.
: Please say something about the 38th BCS at this last moment.
: I already said earlier.
: They came later.
: I see. Who was there at that time? I mean, who were the candidates for the 38th BCS?
: Yes, they were there. They've left.
: Good for them, so my advice worked then. Ha ha ha... Now there's no time to study anything new, no need to study either, don't study anything new and don't receive anyone's phone calls. This is very important. Don't talk to anyone whose preparation is very good, no matter what. This sounds funny, doesn't it? Believe me, this is what will help. Because... look, the exam is on Friday, right? On that Friday exam day, you can become either a hero or a villain. Which do you need? To become a hero, right? So during this time, don't receive anything that will make you a villain. It might even happen that hearing their words, you'll feel like a villain yourself. You'll start thinking, I don't know anything, they know everything... ha ha ha... this feeling won't help you at all. So, keep yourself well during this time. This is like a T-Twenty match. The exam is two hours, isn't it? Whether those two hours belong to you or not—that's the real point. What you studied before or didn't study doesn't matter much. Studying well doesn't guarantee a pass, studying poorly doesn't guarantee failure. You have to keep your head straight for those two hours. And your confidence will determine that... self-confidence, so keep that confidence intact. And there's no need to study anything new, just review what you've studied before. And you'll feel like you can't remember anything, nothing stays in mind, I've forgotten everything I studied... these feelings will definitely come. No problem, everyone feels this way. Even the person who will come first among you is feeling this right now. This isn't a problem at all. And tension about the exam? Of course there will be! Being tense about exams falls under basic courtesy. It's your exam, and you won't be tense—does that even make sense, brother? And there's nothing much to think about! You'll get whatever marks you're supposed to get. Nothing will be missed. We don't actually miss anything; we get exactly what we're meant to get, as much as we're meant to get. Don't think so much... and let there be a little tension, what else should happen at this time if not tension, tell me? There's one thing...