Letter to Silence

There was a day I wanted desperately to forget you—I thought
I'd draw the curtains on memory's window forever.
But today…
somehow I feel
these few fleeting days—
let me touch you,
run my fingers through your hair…
break through the anger and say,
"Be quiet, just be mine."

You know?
I can hide my feelings,
I don't cry—
yet the moment I hold you close
tears fall from my eyes!

That day…
I wanted to stay with you a little longer.
I said—
"Don't you understand anything?"
"I can't live without this crazy person!"
"Please… hold me…"
"Don't leave…"

I don't see the future,
I don't touch the past.
I live in today—
today I live with you.

Come…
let's live in this moment,
come, let's lose ourselves a little in incompleteness.
I never wanted you completely…
because—
can you love someone
you can have entirely?

It's been three days, I'm in a hospital bed…
I've sent you strange, strange messages
through my pain…
You don't understand the unbearable ache with which I typed them.

It would have been good if you were here…
I would have hidden my face in your chest,
just stayed there!

I believe—
there should be space in relationships.
Forcing someone to stay… no, I can't do that.
Hypocrisy…?
No, I can't bear that.

You were different—
you were simple, pure.
That's why in so little time
you became the best person I'd ever known.

Whether you love me or not—
I never wanted to know.
I only wanted to say—
"I love you."

Every time I said it,
only I said it.
Just—
I love you.

Have you ever wondered?
The person who lives peacefully without you,
why does your breath catch without them?

This thought touches me deeply…
and makes me terribly angry,
because that person…
my beloved,
that crazy one—is no one but you.

I never bound you to me…
yet if your breath had caught without me too—
we would have walked together in silence,
for thousands of millions of years…

That day you were restless,
I couldn't
stay in your restlessness.

When you hold me close, don't you understand anything?
Tell me…
has anyone ever kissed your feet?

I… have.
Because I love you so much…
inside, so deep inside.

Today I feel so wretched…

I've gone to you,
again and again…
with the mind's strength.

I didn't want to lose you to failure.

I love you,
so I don't want to come before you anymore with my broken form.

But today my heart wants…
to touch you and stay…
will you come a little?
A little?

Don't worry,
I'm not that insignificant.

You're the one who said—
"At least, you're a good soul."

Listen…
no matter how much it hurts,
I will write about you.
Through this writing…
I will remain deep in your heart.

You must know how to set your beloved free…
"One whose vision cuts so deep,
there's no logic in holding them back."

Still, if you ever see—
I've stopped sending you texts,
know that…
I… am no more.

Dear debtor…

How did the feelings feel?

Just as I had sought shelter…
deep in your heart, exactly like that.

Will you remain in my feelings?

No…
just as I didn't remain even in your poetry.

Will you love?

No…
just as after all the noise
the river falls silent…

Come close—I love you… so much.

I have burned in remorse,
come…
turn me to ash and scatter me,
as you wish…

Farewell.

In silence…
I.