Learning to Be Well; Learning to Be Unwell Too

The more you make your well-being—or lack thereof—dependent on another person, the harder it becomes for you to actually be well. Don’t hand over the responsibility of making yourself feel better to anyone but yourself. The mind is yours, so making it feel better should be yours too, don’t you think? Learn to be well by centering yourself.

Take, for instance, your most beloved person—perhaps your father, mother, brother, sister, friend, or romantic partner. What if they can’t always make you feel better? Maybe they’re feeling low themselves at that very moment. Or they’re busy—genuinely busy. Or they simply don’t feel like giving you time. Or they actually want your mood to stay sour. Or they’ve suddenly gone somewhere far away. It’s even possible that the person who used to lift your spirits has died. It could happen, couldn’t it? What would you do then? Well, let’s leave all that aside. I’ve seen it happen—the person who used to brighten your mood suddenly becomes… different somehow. They say such things, do such things, it pains you to think they’re really the same person! Calling that person who used to cheer you up now makes you feel even worse. What would you do then? Stay even more dejected? Sit there sulking, having thrown everything away in bitter resentment? What’s the point of that, tell me? When you’re alive anyway, why not live well! What’s the use of not being well, tell me? So if you’re going to stay, isn’t it better to stay well? Reduce your dependence on others when it comes to your own well-being! Learn to take responsibility for yourself. You’ll see—this will create a kind of self-sufficiency within you. You’ll learn to live without blaming others for your troubles. The realization that I alone am responsible for everything in my life—this is a momentous thing. Somehow you’ll begin to feel that you are not small, not insignificant. You’re gradually learning to control everything about yourself. What’s even more wonderful is that once you learn to be well on your own, no one will be able to suddenly upset you anymore.

Outside, moonlight is pouring down from a broken sky. Why don’t you step into the courtyard and touch it, tell me? Too busy? Tired? Don’t feel like it? Watching a movie? You’re missing that moonlight that night, while everyone else is sitting beautifully in courtyards, singing songs, as the moon’s laughter breaks its banks… Don’t you even feel envious? Once the moon is gone, you won’t be able to find it again! The courtyard will never again become like a vast white roti. If such a courtyard never returns, then what? Won’t you think then, “Oh… if only…!”

Must you close the windows every time it rains? Why? Where is this written? In which stern lawbook? Does life run by laws? Get a little wet! Touch that soft body of water with your hand and see how it feels! Take a little rainwater on your lips and see if it brings the thrill of a kiss! If you don’t catch fever and cold now, will you catch them in old age? And they happen anyway. So why blame it all on the rain? When you have the chance, just dive into that rain-communion! If no one takes your outstretched hand, you won’t even need anyone. Go alone and get wet. Walk around dancing and dancing, getting soaked for a while. It feels quite nice, actually—truly!

Have you ever sat alone with your feet dipped in water? The cool flow of water gives a jolt that reaches right into your mind! If it’s evening time, the surrounding silence will either make you philosophical or drive you completely mad. To become philosophical, you don’t need to be loaded with knowledge; not even to go mad! Take a little break, visit the rooms of your own mind once. We go to so many other people’s homes. Why is there never time to visit our own mind’s home even once? Once you get used to such visits, who would dare to make you feel low?

If nothing else, just spend an afternoon on the verandah! See how those boys fly kites and shout, how the people who come to shop in the streets make such a racket, how a bicycle makes tinkling sounds as it disappears into some alley, how a girl on that rooftop creates storms in some young man’s heart with sidelong glances and eye contact, how the colors on the walls of the surrounding tall buildings change from morning to evening, how birds flutter this way and that way, dancing. Just watch all this! Smile gently and say, “May they all be well.” You’ll see how wonderfully well you yourself are!

With nothing more than this one sky, life can be lived quite beautifully! If you can dive into the sky when needed, that’s quite enough—nothing else is necessary. Have you ever lain in a field and looked at the sky? Or on a rooftop? At least on a balcony, or lying in bed looking out an open window? Gazing and gazing with unblinking eyes, at some point you’ll be lost. That sky will take you racing to unknown destinations! You’ll realize you never knew such journeys existed. To those distant hills, through the gaps between leaves, even farther beyond! The sky is like that. Only the sky can do such things!

Stay awake clinging to a mountainside and watch a dawn. Stay awake all night in the mountains. Staying awake, you’ll see why the mountain flute has a different tune. What whispers go on from leaf to leaf all night long—you’ll never find that knowledge in any book. Why mountain rivers are unlike any other rivers—to know this, you’ll have to go to the mountains. The intoxication from wild flower fragrances—where would that come from in potted flowers? How many different colors the same sun has—you’ll need to hide small in the mountain’s body and see for yourself. Dawn will come, the mountain will wake, and you’ll realize yourself how terribly difficult it is to stay low-spirited!

Would you like to sail around in a boat on a moonlit night? You’ll float forward in the boat, touching and touching the moon’s skin. A nighttime river is always a different river. Even its water changes its body from moment to moment. Along with the moon’s ancient playfulness. Bathing in that cascade of light, why not scatter all of yourself into the river night’s fragrance, the wind’s whispers, the light’s tenderness? Lying in the speeding boat, touch the water with your hand! You’ll see that the water’s touch makes even your body’s most hidden chambers want to sway and wake up!

Go to the seashore alone at the beginning of some evening-fallen night. Walk with sand shifting and sliding away under each footstep. Float in the breeze and mix the ocean’s roar and darkness’s magic into your eyes, lips, hands, behind both ears, neck, and entire body with supreme tenderness. Kneel down now and then on that shore, sitting and gazing far, far into the distance. Those who hawk shell necklaces around you, calling and calling—why not strike up conversations with them! Love them a little and see! It feels wonderful! Run forward singing at the top of your voice, feet dancing. Or recite your favorite poem while feeling the waves’ rhythm under your feet: “I dare not ask a kiss,/I dare not beg a smile,/ Lest having that, or this,/ I might grow proud the while./ No, no, the utmost share/ Of my desire shall be/ Only to kiss that air/ That lately kissèd thee.” Scatter both your words and melody on the wind. Let them spread, along with your heart!

What if this afternoon’s sweet sunshine never rises again? Would you step out in light clothes for a stroll? So many things change in sunlight! Won’t you look a little? Take a selfie when the late afternoon sun falls across your face! You’ll be amazed to see how incredibly beautiful you look! Have you ever thought about how beautiful something must be if it can reveal your own beauty before your eyes? You could spend an entire afternoon just watching sunlight play hide-and-seek among the leaves! When sunlight slides and slips across duck wings, making them look so different—will you notice this carefully? Why not walk like them, shaking off sunlight, and see how it feels!

If there’s a river nearby, why aren’t you going there in moments of sadness? Rivers have a tremendous pull that makes even the mind lose itself. Sit on the bank and throw pebbles into the river’s body. How the pebbles spiral down, pushing waves in all directions—you’ll feel as if you’re moving the waves with your hands. You could live just to throw a pebble like that! See how fishing boats cast nets and draw silvery fish from the river’s breast. Sometimes, who knows what floats by in the river. Each current comes and makes you want to leap into that stream. Where’s the time to remember why you felt sad in the first place?

There’s a field nearby, isn’t there? Alone in a field, you can never think of yourself as truly alone. All the elements of imagination come to keep you company. How they run in the field, how groups of boys spend entire afternoons absorbed in cricket and football, how the peanut vendor finishes all his own peanuts while calling… “Peanuts here… peanuts here…” It feels wonderful to lie in one corner of the field and look at the other end. You think, maybe the world really is round! Otherwise, why would that tall boy on that side look shorter than this short boy on this side? Right over the field, noon rolls by, afternoon fades, evening falls. You can return to the field to suddenly return to childhood.

It’s not true that feeling good always feels good. Sometimes we want our minds to be completely calm and composed. Many difficult, exhausting tasks must be done with a peaceful mind. And to banish pride from the mind, it’s not bad to make the mind feel low. Even to read a heavy book or watch a movie, you need a calm mind. And sometimes, before diving into joy, it helps to make your mind a bit melancholy. Say your beloved is very sad for some reason where what’s needed in that moment is empathy with their pain rather than cheering them up. Then it becomes very necessary to translate your own mind into a state of stillness. To make yourself sad, you can read sad books, watch movies, listen to music. Those who have the power to bring rain whenever they wish can bring rain in their minds and quite happily make themselves sad. If you can learn the art of sadness yourself, it’s very convenient. How so? Well, if you give someone else the job of making you sad, they’ll make your mind as sad as they please. So sad that it exceeds all the duties of that moment. Happiness has only one measure, but suffering has many degrees. It’s best to keep suffering personal. Because your suffering is extremely precious to you. Yet your suffering is often a source of pure entertainment for many others. You’ll never know this. While you might trust many people to share happiness, selfishness is the best approach when it comes to sharing sorrow. You should share your suffering only with your own mind. When the person inside us becomes tired of bearing that suffering, only then will they want to free themselves from this unbearable pain. To live in a way that leaves fewer regrets, there’s no more valuable treasure than suffering. To laugh, you must first cry. Only you have the wealth to pay for those genuine tears. Wealth that others have a share in often becomes a burden. Therefore, learning to be well by yourself is important, but learning to be unwell by yourself is even more essential.