Learning from the Job / Part Two

I've noticed something curious about working life. We develop a whole new syntax, a different way of speaking that becomes second nature. How so? Say someone calls you and you're willing to go — what would you normally say? "Yes, I'm coming." Something like that, right? In the civil service, it becomes... "Sir sir! Yes sir, I'm coming, sir!" We master the art of peppering the word "sir" throughout our sentences, all in the service of our jobs. The higher someone ranks above you, the more times "sir" will be uttered. And it must be pronounced with emphasis. I've had calls with very senior officials where I say "sir" so many times that when I later hear a recording of my own voice, I sound foreign to myself. Just the other day, in a three-and-a-half-minute conversation with a commissioner (joint secretary level), I said "sir" seventy-four times. Nothing to be done — that's the protocol. Let me tell you another amusing rule. Instead of saying "yes sir" or "ji sir" to our seniors, we say "sir sir!" — repeating "sir" twice to indicate agreement. (As if we had any choice!) Often, I hear myself and others saying "sir" more than twice in succession. Say you're agreeing with everything a senior says during a lengthy monologue (naturally, for the sake of your job). You can keep going with a cheerful, subdued "sir sir sir sir sir..." without much trouble. There's more. Some seniors actually enjoy the military-style shouted "Sir!" Female officers often use a rather coquettish "Sirrrrr... sirrrrr..." which all seniors, both male and female, take quite naturally.

Keep track of who your boss gets along with. Don't antagonize them. If they're unhappy, your job becomes difficult. Your boss's friends are also a kind of boss to you. Your boss's wife is your big boss; your boss's children and relatives deserve your respect and affection; even your boss's driver is your little boss! In your eyes (I mean, in your words), let your boss's wife be the most beautiful person on earth. Your boss's child must surely be the most beautiful, talented, gifted human being in the world, beyond comparison. (A genuine gifted child, naturally!) Even if your boss's belly grows in geometric progression, you'll say with a smile, "Sir, you're getting slimmer by the day and looking younger! You're really becoming quite handsome, sir!" Or on Facebook, you'll comment on your boss's profile picture: "Evergreen hero," "Outstanding," "Superb," "Like a hero from the golden days," "Sir is always young," "Congratulations," and so forth. Remember, just because your boss doesn't like or comment on your posts doesn't mean they don't have time for Facebook or don't notice your posts! Your boss will perfectly understand that you're simply flattering them, and knowing this full well, they'll still be pleased. Humanity enjoys being flattered even when they know it's flattery. Besides, if your boss and their family really are wonderful, there's no personal problem for you in that, is there? Come on, friend — what do you gain by pointing out your boss's crooked tooth? They have to struggle to tear meat with that crooked tooth, not you — so what's your objection?... Let me get back to where I was. I've observed that in Bangladesh, almost everything is determined by personal relationships and connections. So the issue isn't whether to block someone or not; the real question is whether you have the capacity, patience, and time to handle the trouble that will follow if you do block them. If necessary, discuss it with your boss or send the file up without writing any decision. Don't keep the ball in your court in such matters — throw it into your boss's court, let them play. This benefits you too. Always remember, anyone who joined even one day before you knows better than you how to handle complex situations. If you observe and study what your boss writes in files, why they write it, how they write it, you can learn a great deal. Know, understand — if you want to keep this job, there's no alternative.
Always keep in mind: without this job, even street dogs wouldn't count you for anything. No job, no chair, no likes on Facebook! Eighty percent of your Facebook likes and comments come because of your job. Yes, if you have some other special talent for getting likes and comments, that's different. But you know, when someone's job, business — in short, their livelihood — isn't secure, generally people don't really pay much attention to any of their positions. Even if they write wonderful poetry, people say, "What rubbish is this goat writing!" Have you ever wondered why your photos get so many likes? Do you look like Hrithik Roshan? Even if you did look like him, would so many people care about you? Eighty percent of those likes belong to your job and your position, not to you. If my words hurt you, please forgive me — I'm only saying what I've seen. All your influence, acceptability, recognition, satisfaction — almost everything revolves around this job. You can help yourself and your family because you have a job; some people recognize you and speak respectfully because of it; being busy with work prevents much sorrow and frustration from consuming you. Your job forces many people to care about you! Without it, what would it matter if they didn't count you? This is your and your family's livelihood. When you have a job, you can curse it to your heart's content. You need a job even to curse jobs! Just imagine yourself unemployed for a moment and see how it feels! You'll see yourself as helpless, worthless, a burden, an object of pity in everyone's eyes. You need a job to live with self-respect and satisfaction. Someone without a job eventually forgets how to respect themselves. You might say you'll start a business, become an entrepreneur, do this, do that, and so on. So go ahead! Those who can do it don't talk so much. Only those who can't do it make such grand pronouncements and indulge in self-satisfaction. Business is one of the noblest and most difficult endeavors in the world. Again I say, if you truly have something else to pursue, quit this job and do that work. What's the point of so much talk? You are never greater than your job — if you were, you wouldn't be doing the job, you'd be giving jobs to others. Friend, if it doesn't work out, look for other paths! Who's keeping you trapped here? What's the use of all this pointless complaining? My experience tells me that dissatisfaction and grievances about your job will only destroy your work performance, nothing else.
When your boss praises you for something, share it with your subordinates rather than with peers or seniors. This way you'll earn respect instead of envy. No matter how good you are at your work, remember that all your colleagues think they're better than you. If spending time with you makes someone feel good about themselves, they'll definitely like you. We never like someone whose company makes us feel low. The best mirror is one that makes you look beautiful. The best phone is one that makes your selfies look fair and lovely. That's how we think. This is human nature. So there's no point in publicizing your achievements and becoming an object of envy in their eyes. Let subordinates be envious or whatever — they'll still respect you, because they'll think that through you they might extract some benefit from the authorities or work trouble-free. (Though you'll also encounter subordinates whose influence extends quite far — keeping them happy will actually benefit you.) Nobody likes anyone just like that at work; a kind of "imposed liking" develops when people need to extract some specific benefit or avoid difficulties. It's utterly foolish to keep trying to seem important to someone who can get by perfectly well without caring about you. People laugh about you behind your back when you do that. Your importance will grow naturally through your work — talk doesn't play much of a role in that. How you stand in the office, everyone understands naturally anyway — there's really no need to beat drums about it.
If your boss says, "How would it be if we did this," understand that they want you to do exactly that. Disagree as less as possible. There are always loopholes in the existing laws and your boss knows them better. You can never survive going to war with your boss. Your boss knows very well how to put you in trouble or an awkward position. None of us are perfect — if we had to pay for each of our mistakes, doing this job would seem like a massive burden. If you want forgiveness, don't conflict with your boss. The more your boss stays on your side, the easier it becomes to do your job. If your boss ignores it, even big mistakes are nothing; but if they take notice, even small errors can make you suffer greatly. Yes, there are some bosses who can't be fit into any grammar — they're often psychopathic by nature. You can't predict when they'll do what, what will please them, when they'll say something outrageous. Once such a person dislikes someone, they keep disliking them, and the dislike grows exponentially. If they once spot someone's mistake, they keep humiliating that person with it repeatedly. They keep finding fault even where there's nothing wrong. They become not five-faced but ten-faced in self-praise. Talking to them, you feel like everyone except them is just cutting grass at work. They take a certain pleasure in seeing others suffer. With such psychopathic bosses, there's not much you can do — just flatter them and keep saying "sir sir" to get along as best you can! They're very helpless creatures; many of them have ruined personal lives, disrupted family lives.
They vent that rage on the entire world! After retiring from their jobs, when you meet them on the streets, no one even gives them a salaam, let alone speaks to them... I've witnessed this myself. Such people live on in the hatred and fear of others.
Most tasks go undone simply because we keep them only in our heads, not writing them down on paper. If you don't write down something important, you will forget it. Think on paper. Maintain a notebook. Whatever important thing comes to mind, write it down. We truly do forget. This isn't shirking responsibility—it's forgetfulness, a kind of helplessness. No matter how much confidence you have in your mind, believing you'll remember everything, that not a single task will be missed, that you'll organize and complete everything on time... most of the time you'll find you've forgotten many things later. Write it on a piece of paper, keep that paper in your pocket, keep it before your eyes. Remind yourself: I need to do this, this, and this. Those words written on that paper will govern you, remind you. Make this a habit—it will serve you well. Keep your thoughts on paper, not in your head. Keep them in your head and they'll be lost; keep them on paper and they won't disappear. Even if you don't do the task, there will be an urge to do it later. Therefore, write not in the heart but on paper—that name will remain...
The smart thing is not to show too much smartness in front of your boss. You are never smarter than your boss. If you don't believe it, try showing off your smartness and see how you become an "honorable speaker"! Your boss too sits with a meek, sheep-like appearance before their own boss. When sitting before a lion, you must sit with your head bowed. Sit with your head held high and the lion might lower it with one swipe—the lion has that power. Your raised head might not please your boss. History bears witness that even many liberal-minded people couldn't tolerate their subordinates' raised heads and found ways to lower them in due time. Let me give you another tip. If you show everything you know how to do in front of your boss, you'll face a lot of extra pressure. If you can't handle that pressure properly, you'll fall into your boss's disfavor. Your colleague won't face the damage that you will... And no one else took on this responsibility—this poor fellow who took the trouble upon himself, let's keep him in a soft corner of our hearts, let's at least say thanks or well done since he tried—most bosses don't have such generosity. And if you can handle the extra pressure well, rest assured, more pressure awaits you ahead. It's often seen that in offices, the reward for work is more work, nothing else! If you don't want to make your life entirely job-centered, sometimes present yourself as incompetent at the office. People at most curse the incompetent, but can't put them in such danger that their life force gets exhausted just trying to rescue themselves!
When you're forwarding a file to your boss, think beforehand. What to write, how to write it so that your boss is pleased and you remain risk-free according to laws and regulations. Be strategic. Never let anyone hunt with a gun resting on your shoulder. What you write in the file is very important. Remember, saving your job is more urgent than saving the country. Some files are very complex. Whose file it is or whom it concerns, what consequences might follow from what you write, how to write to achieve a "kill-the-snake-without-breaking-the-stick" advantage—keep all this in mind when writing. Once your pen's ink touches the paper, it's no longer just ink—it becomes a knife that can either save you or kill you. Write in your file notes such that even if someone dissects every word, they can't extract anything that might put you in danger. Often you'll see your boss asking you to write something that will let them enjoy benefits without taking responsibility, while you yourself might fall into danger. In such cases, very politely refrain from writing such things. But don't hold up the file—then you might be accused of blocking it. Send the file upward without making any specific decision. Again I say, try your utmost to clear all files from your desk before leaving the office, even if it means leaving late. Learn to work very quickly. When you're reviewing files or doing any office work, give your complete attention to it, don't slack off even a bit. You'll see that files aren't piling up on your desk. But don't let your boss understand that you're quickly finishing work to keep yourself a bit free. If he realizes this, he'll pile extra work on your shoulders—work that might not even be yours!
Do some of your boss's personal odd jobs. Help him with tasks that are nothing for you but mean a lot to him! This could be finding a good teacher for your boss's child, preparing a paper for your boss, getting some service for your boss through your contacts, buying books your boss likes, doing simple troubleshooting on your boss's laptop, giving protocol to your boss's relatives when they visit your area... and much more. The personal services you provide to your boss outside office work will make you somewhat more acceptable to him than others. That your boss is keeping you close is also a kind of good fortune. From the position you're currently in, the person who could throw you out wouldn't need even two minutes—if you ever get a chance to be useful to that person, grab it. If you don't grab it, another colleague will. The decision is yours. During the time you remain your boss's favorite, ensure that your boss never senses any lack of loyalty or sincerity in you. If you're going to act, do it like real acting. If you get caught, it's no longer acting—it becomes foolishness! Almost all of us do some acting to survive our daily lives.
If you ever want to extract benefits from any institution, or need it for office work, consult with someone senior to you (in rank or experience). These matters require much more strategy and experience. Those who have been working in your department longer than you—institutions might be indebted to them in many ways. So they might accommodate their requests more easily than yours. If they don't accommodate your request and you mistakenly resort to misbehavior based on your position's authority, you'll have to bear the consequences. Remember, big businessmen have a lot of power, and your boss has good relations with them too. Keep good relations with them, serve them quickly—it will be very useful. Always get work done through strategy, not through force or showing anger. Don't sit around thinking that because you're honest, any request of yours must be accommodated, that no one can mind if you get angry, that you can't be told anything even if you delay work. Apart from heartfelt prayers and self-satisfaction for your honesty, you can't expect anything else. Honesty or dishonesty is just a state of mind that makes you happy. The reward for work that keeps you happy is happiness itself—why are you expecting more than that? You're financially honest, but you also want various conveniences—what's the value of such honesty? I've seen officers who don't take a single penny, but have no objection if you book plane tickets for them, buy gifts occasionally, or spend money on their personal work—they're even happy about it. I really don't understand the meaning of such honesty!
Never miss work deadlines. No means no! No matter what excuses you make, it can at most reduce your punishment. At the end of the day, failure means failure—all the excuses in the world can't turn failure into success. Your delay is causing government losses, service recipients are being deprived of their due services or receiving them late. This is unacceptable from you in any way. The government is keeping you with salary and so many facilities—you must have this much sense of responsibility. If necessary, sit beside your office assistant and dictate file notes, letters, documents, etc. Work cannot be delayed under any circumstances. Your negligence is connected to your stakeholders' financial losses. Keep your service recipients happy, give them their due service quickly. Complaints about your work delays might reach very high levels. This cannot be allowed to happen. If necessary, work extra hours, study files, discuss with seniors and other colleagues, do necessary verification and examination to complete the work—at least ensure the file moves from your hands to elsewhere. Accusations of being incompetent in work, deliberately negligent, or holding up files for specific reasons... such allegations really cause great damage to reputation. Write proposals in files clearly mentioning relevant laws and regulations. Whether that proposal favors your service recipient or not, why it does or doesn't—write that too with your own opinion in light of legal provisions or rules. Make your salary halal—whatever results from this will be for your own good.
Don't worry too much about careers. You'll do well enough, at least better than you think. Even when an elephant falls to the ground, it's still higher than a goat. You understand why you're elephants, I suppose. If you don't understand, let me explain what I understand. Notice that government jobs get trolled the most in Bangladesh. What do people troll about most? Which tree do people throw stones at most? Who do others chase after most? The very fact that others make a fuss about us proves we're in a position where many of them wanted to be but couldn't. Look, government employees don't have the slightest headache about anyone else's jobs!
But why all this fuss about them? Why are people chasing government jobs? Did government employees tell them to run? Everyone's busy with their own affairs! Whatever is written in someone's fate, that's what they're doing to make their living. What's all this talk about? This whole thing is truly irritating! I know these words sound harsh, but the way people treat us like some sort of aliens, can't stand us at all—as an ordinary human being, it doesn't feel good. When I'm sitting and chatting with ten of my friends, if I alone become the target of taunts or sarcasm about my job-related matters without any reason or provocation, I certainly don't like having to digest it. Why should I digest it? Do I eat or wear anyone? I want to receive normal reactions from people like everyone else. I'm not saying anything bad about your livelihood—far from saying bad things, I don't even have a headache about it—then why are you saying bad things about my livelihood? I respect you; I deserve respect from you. Whenever I try to say something anywhere, some people enthusiastically and irrelevantly start using the word 'BCS' to say all sorts of things. Why? The nation is now afflicted with BCS fever. You're not among them, I'll assume. So what? They're taking BCS, you're not. You don't want to, you don't have that patience, you're not going down that path. They are going, it's their personal matter. What's it to you? They don't have any headache about your personal affairs. Don't you feel ashamed behaving so shamelessly? We're truly a very cute type of foolish nation.
It's better not to worry about things over which you have no control. Complaining too much about government jobs only increases mental unrest and wastes time, nothing else. If you can, find your own solution. No one forced you to take this job. If you get a better option, just go for it. Those of us who are working aren't exactly doing our jobs with complete joy without any complaints in our hearts. There are complaints indeed! For instance, because I'm working, I can't travel around the country and abroad; whenever I try to cross the border, I need a GO (government order), and getting that isn't without its hassles. Some people in the department are frequently going to various foreign trainings and seminars, while the rest get no opportunity for foreign travel—they sit and watch others travel around the world while they suck their thumbs. Some get postings in places of their choice, while those who don't lobby get sent wherever they please. Who likes seeing all this, tell me? Still, I and we know very well that we came into this job knowing and understanding that we're bound to accept any decision of the government, there can be no objection to this, no complaints either. I often think, wanting all these things—is what I've received really so little? Do I even have the qualifications to deserve so much? If I hadn't gotten this job... would I have received even what I have? We don't go elsewhere precisely because we have no other option. Some have indeed left their jobs. They're making a living doing something else. This is how it should be! And another thing. Being 'without options' is relative. What seems like an option to me might not be to someone else. What seems like an option today might not be tomorrow. Some people can see things in advance, others can't. Some have the strength or interest to find solutions, others don't. Some have the wisdom to make many compromises, others don't.
When coming to the office, leave your ego at home. No one in the workplace cares about anyone's ego. Ego won't let you admit the mistake is yours. Ego won't let you delve deep into problems. Ego won't let you speak openly with your service recipients. Ego will remind you that your boss couldn't even get admission to your university. Ego will constantly inform you that among all those in your office mirror, you're the most handsome. Ego won't let you mix easily with your colleagues. Ego will increase your anger and resentment, so you'll unnecessarily suffer from your boss's words, colleagues' words, service recipients' words, where the office isn't a place for sentiments and resentments. Ego will repeatedly tell you that you're the best in this office, the rest are fools. Ego will make you indulge in self-satisfaction over some past achievements. Ego will ask you, your boss didn't like your Facebook post, why should you like his post? Ego will show you that your boss values your junior more than he values you. Ego will prevent you from saying and doing many things that should be said and done in the interest of the job. Ego will make your personal needs appear bigger than your office's needs. Ego will tell you there's no need to give the boss so much importance. Ego won't let you bow your head even when necessary. Ego might tell you there's no need to speak so respectfully to the service seeker in front of you. Ego won't let you remember that you're merely an ordinary employee of the republic, that the person sweeping your office—your salary also comes from his tax money. Keep no ego in mind, brain, words, behavior, thoughts. You're an employee, meaning a servant. What's all this ego about for servants? If you have so much ego, why don't you quit the job and start an independent business! Coming into a job means you've consciously and voluntarily sold your freedom and signed a contract to work under an institution. You're doing a job, so what's all this attitude about? Someone who has no freedom—what's all this ego business about?