Initiated still by the dream-giver

 
Today all my senses waver, restless, scattered utterly!
I cannot piece together anything as before,
All my long-cherished dreams—one by one they fade!
I have come with a melancholy-grey broken heart...to gather hope and live.


A dream-giver has splashed a poisonous hue across my entirety
and made me greedy with cunning skill...I seem to accept it all too willingly!
Today I will return dreams, if need be I will fast!
They all laugh in civilized tones, keeping perfect time, giggling at the sight of me,
then say in unison...this much is all your victory amounts to!


Today the clouds of my single sky are breaking apart steadily,
now and then the sun peeks through in well-behaved guise, smiling a little after a while.
One who has everything at his feet is called a lonely man—this simple truth no one understands!


My procession of awareness has stopped today, forgetting all shame!
Whatever gains bring debt, even that cannot be repaid,
let no one know, but the world knows, with how much scorn and regret
it looks this way, hurling questions at my shore!


The day passed in sighs and laments, yet I found no tune,
what rhythm has wound conflict today within this very mind,
black stars have drawn ritual patterns in that darkness, painting the moon's face!
Bent under the weight of a shattered brain, still this hungry heart seeks water in what solace?


I am initiated into faith against my will, I seek only extinction!
What kind of life is this! I have never lived before in this life!
Save for one giver alone, everything else to me is burden!