In the Midst of Wordlessness

  
 Let affection lie in the courtyard's corner like refuse,
 I'll no longer clutch at such loose ends to chase away pain.
 I too shall carry Mahakala's emptiness daily
 and go to sleep with one night's wailing in my chest.
  
 Shaking off the day's weariness, opening the heart's cage to dust it clean,
 I'll mistakenly touch the sorrows of not having you.
 I'll thrash my limbs wildly in the unbearable agony of loss.
 Amid all this, searching and searching for myself until exhausted,
 perhaps all the kingdom's sleep will settle in my eyes.
  
 The next day I'll begin another day with that same wailing.
 Living this way, keeping myself alive daily, I'll show you—
 one can live quite well without you!
 And I'll convince myself: I have won!
 In the struggle to stay alive, every day...
 Like countless broken people, I too have triumphed!
  
 Don't you come,
 don't ever say again "Good morning!",
 or in night's depths, even by mistake of the heart,
 don't knock on this heart's door;
 because I sense it—
 your silence surrounds me and makes me hear your call,
 waiting for you all night, glowing like a firefly,
 I burn out at last.
  
 You came as the lamp of my dark room,
 yet remained as two drops of tears in this life!
 Don't give any of that anymore,
 never ask how I am now.
 I cannot lie to you and say "I'm fine!"—
 someone from within grips my throat,
 though I want to speak, I cannot say anything,
 I only keep gazing down the path you walked away.
  
 You know, I'll never lack for people to keep me company,
 yet drowning myself in all that, every moment of every day
 I'll keep acting as if I'm forgetting you!
  
 You speak such nonsense,
 you deny love exists,
 yet who will make you understand that love is there!
 Amid the wordlessness all around, love mingles as dense darkness,
 only you don't understand.