In the changing wind

Watching the rain after three long years,
today, after so many days, I don't know why
I feel like talking to you again—
you who were lost, that old you.

The desires I forced into sleep
have already begun their rebellion!
Today they refuse to lie dormant,
the unspoken longings in the mind's corners are far too restless!
Making room for them, my heart grows heavy with memory!
Only the waiting has suddenly gone missing!

Termites have eaten away the threshold of my hundred days,
hundred desires I laid before you!
Forcing my wishes to sleep, they wake today, drunk
on that lost, old fragrance of yours!
Today they are disobedient, unruly, intractable!
Today they want to search frantically, like caged madmen,
for their lost old habit…for you!

But where are you today!
I know you are lost!
Only the diary I kept for you remains!
The diary's pages lie empty now.
Nothing has been written there for so long…
The pink pages have gradually turned gray…
The pen feels so terribly unbalanced today!
Rust has seized this pen, limb by limb!

Why? Is it merely the gap of time? Or is it time's transformation too? Which?
Has time itself changed then? Or have we changed—you and I—
keeping pace with time's rhythm?
Who will answer this!

Time moves forward, yet somehow I remain behind today
in some unruly pull of a disordered past!
Very carefully I stand guard over my resentments!
Tenderly I've preserved in meaningless sentences, page by page in the diary,
those accusations I pushed aside!
Today let them remain lifted up…with that same old care!