# In Solitary Depths: 31 তপোবনে যখন ঋষিরা তাদের তপস্যা করতেন, তখন তাদের হৃদয়ে কোন লোভ ছিল না। আশ্রমের মধ্যে ধ্যানের যে নিস্তব্ধতা ছিল, সেখানে মনের সমস্ত বৃত্তি নিরস্ত হয়ে যেত। লোকের কথা, নিন্দা, প্রশংসা—সবই যেন অন্য কোনো জগতের ব্যাপার হয়ে উঠত। শুধু ব্রহ্মের উপলব্ধি, শুধু আত্মার খোঁজ—এটুকুই সেখানে থাকত। কিন্তু আমরা যখন প্রার্থনার জন্য বসি, বা কোনো পবিত্র কাজের জন্য মন ঢেলে দিই, তখনও কি আমরা সম্পূর্ণ নিষ্কাম থাকি? আমাদের অবচেতনে কি কোনো প্রত্যাশা লুকিয়ে থাকে? সমাজের দৃষ্টি, নিজের আত্মসন্তুষ্টি, বা এমনকি দেবতার কাছ থেকে কোনো পুরস্কারের আশা? যদি এই সূক্ষ্ম লোভ থাকে, তাহলে কি আমাদের যে কর্ম, সেটি খাঁটি থাকে? সততার এই প্রশ্নটি সহজ নয়। শুধু বাহিরের মুখোশ দেখে আমরা বুঝতে পারি না—আমাদের নিজেদের অন্তরেও এই দ্বৈততা বাস করে। আমরা যা করি, তাতে ভালোবাসা এবং স্বার্থ, উৎসর্গ এবং প্রত্যাশা—দুটোই মিশে আছে। এই দুইয়ের রেখা এত সূক্ষ্ম যে অনেক সময় নিজেও তাদের আলাদা করতে পারি না। হয়তো পূর্ণ নিষ্কামতা শুধু ঋষিদের জন্য, সাধারণ মানুষের জন্য নয়। কিন্তু যদি আমরা সেই লক্ষ্যের দিকে এগিয়ে যাই, যদি প্রতিটি কাজে আমাদের লোভটা একটু একটু করে খোদাই করে বের করি, তাহলে কি তাই যথেষ্ট নয়? সম্পূর্ণতার পথ শুরু হয় সচেতনতা থেকেই।

151.

On the play of mind and the inmost essence of self-awareness, I speak of the source of the 'I'.

This fundamental notion—'I am'—from where did it first arise? Did you summon it? Create it? No—it came wholly unbidden, without any effort on your part. In that primordial moment, this 'I' was immaculate, wordless, formless—merely a knowing—"I am," but not "Who am I?" Yet as time unfolds, this pure sense of 'I' becomes entangled with countless forms, identities, names, relations, histories—and there emerges a complex architecture of false recognition. Then to the 'I' attaches itself—"I am so-and-so," "I am a father," "I am a daughter," "I am a teacher," "I am good and bad"—all of it becomes merely the mind's creation.

But according to the guru's teaching, when you come to understand that this 'I' itself is a primordial notion, and that it is untrue, then the axe falls at the root. If this 'I' is false—then all the thinking, knowing, identity, joy and sorrow built upon it become mere mental entertainment, an inner web of illusion. Whatever else appears real beyond this is merely the consequence of this primary delusion. So understand—all is only mind-made play, and you are merely the witness to that play.

Advaita Vedanta declares—your identity-crisis, joy, suffering, fear, sorrow—all rest upon the notion of 'I.' If this 'I' were your true self, it would never change, never mistake itself. But this 'I' itself is a spontaneously arising illusion—it comes after birth and vanishes at death. In believing this illusion, you suffer, you rejoice, you seek the path. But once you perceive—that at the root of this 'I' lies falsehood—then all that stands upon it becomes transient, and thus—merely a mental theatre. This very recognition is the formula of Vedantic liberation—through neti neti (not this, not that), what remains at last is that eternal, solitary Self beyond the 'I'.

The sense of 'I' came one day suddenly, through no effort—it was pure awareness of existence. Then society, habit, memory, experience gives it form—"I am this," "I am that," building identity. But according to the guru's teaching, when you come to understand—that this very 'I' is the primal delusion—then all that stands upon it reveals itself as the play of mind.

Then living itself, and practice too, becomes silently standing as witness to self—remaining a voiceless observer upon this stage of illusion.

152.

'I'—the shadow of memory, untouched by reality.

This memory—"I am"—is neither true nor false—it has no quality, cannot be grasped by any measure. It is merely an inner experience, seeming as though it exists, yet not truly existing either.


Consider—by what does the continuity of your life hold together? One foundation alone—this memory: "I am"; joined to it: "I am this person, I exist in this world, I fulfill this duty…" Thus the 'I' memory creates an identity, a duty, a history and a future. But look more closely—what a curious play this 'I' performs! It is neither true nor false—like a dream: the dream that occurred cannot be denied, yet its content, its characters, its events—all are unreal.

So too this 'I'—a projection upon your true existence, a mere arising, which can never enter the realm of reality. It is always only the shadow of a presence, a mere sensation, never true consciousness.

In Advaita Vedanta, the sense of 'I' is called the first fundamental concept (primary concept)—it is consciousness's first unfoldment, yet it too is subject to change. So long as this 'I' memory persists, so long do our identity, time, relations, and duty also endure.

But when this ‘I’ is analyzed, it reveals itself to be not a real entity, but a habitual memory. Just as a dream occurs yet is not true, so too this ‘I’ carries a sense of presence, yet it is not the ultimate truth.

It is a shadow floating upon true consciousness, yet it can never reach its own reality. It is a reflection that seems primordially real, but if one looks beyond it—there appears the eternal, formless being, which has no memory, only an eternal ‘abiding.’

The memory of ‘I’—it is the foundation of all experience—yet it is neither true nor false—merely a kind of mental shadow. Just as something happens in a dream, yet nothing happens in reality—so too this sense of ‘I’ occurs, but it never touches reality. It is only a sensation upon existence, floating upon consciousness, yet never a part of the soul itself.

The guru’s teaching is this—recognize this ‘I,’ and understand that it is merely a projection, a preconception. Then this memory will fall away by itself—and what remains is pure, unconditioned, formless consciousness.

153.

The ‘I’ itself returns to the world’s source and enters the birth-thread of consciousness. This very sense that ‘I am’—this awareness itself is the foundation of the entire world. In truth, the ‘I’ is the world. This world, this time, this person, this responsibility, these relationships, this knowledge—all stand upon one single sensation: “I am.” The more you begin to understand the nature of this ‘I,’ the more you will perceive—without this awareness, no world exists at all.

In deep sleep, when you do not sense ‘I’—then the world too does not exist, no sensation exists—neither space nor time nor identity. That is, all are absent before the advent of ‘I.’ So you can understand—the ‘I’ is the beginning, and the ‘I’ is the world. Therefore the guru’s instruction is this—return to the source of this ‘I.’ Not merely to see it once, but to abide in this awareness continuously for a long time. Only then will be revealed before you—from whence the ‘I’ comes, how it comes, when it comes. This knowledge alone will unlock the door to the source of consciousness and ultimate truth.

According to Advaita Vedanta, the ‘I’ is the first expression of being. Without this arising of ‘I,’ the world cannot be experienced. Therefore it is said: the world is known because the sense of ‘I’ awakens. Yet this ‘I’ itself is a strange and mysterious sensation—which suddenly comes into being and makes all things knowable. And yet when this ‘I’ is absent (as in deep sleep or in the pre-natal state), the world too is absent.

When this truth is understood—it becomes utterly clear: within this ‘I’ lies hidden the world, and it is the very first conception. To understand the origin of this conception is to unveil the mystery of being and consciousness. But it is not enough merely to recognize it—one must remain steady in it, observe it, and in meditation behold: from whence did this awareness come? Why did it come? Am I this ‘I’?

By penetrating deeply into these questions, true self-knowledge is born—wherein the state that precedes even the ‘I’ awakens.

The ‘I’ is the foundation of the world—until this awareness arises, there is no experience, no world. Within the presence of this ‘I’ lies the manifestation of all things; therefore, the only practice is to return to its source. Not merely to return—but to remain steadfast in it for a long time.

Then will it be understood how this ‘I’ has come into being, from where it has emerged—and only then will the supreme truth be known, where the world, the ‘I’, consciousness itself—all will be revealed as nothing but a projection.

154.

The non-existence of the ‘I’ and the world is the ultimate vision of knowledge of Brahman—this ultimate understanding—”the ‘I’ and the world never truly existed”—this understanding occurs only in the state of Brahman.

When you practice as the guru has prescribed, learning to abide with full dedication in the sense ‘I am’—there comes a moment when you yourself transcend the boundaries of this ‘I’. Then occurs that great dissolution, where both the ‘I’ and the world built upon it fade away together. This state itself is Brahman—that is, beyond all states, beyond all identities, beyond all thought, the eternal truth. Only in this state of Brahman is it possible—this certain realization: “This ‘I’ and the world were never true, they were merely the play of appearance.”

The guru is established in this very state. He has transcended both the ‘I’ and the world. Yet he still uses the platform of this ‘I’ to come to those he addresses, to communicate with them—and yet he remains uninvolved in it, merely a witness and presence.

The highest position of Advaita Vedanta is Brahman—where both the existence of the ‘I’ and the sense of the world are transcended. If the sense of ‘I’ is conditioned by limitations, then the world built upon it is also merely a projection—a mental construct. This realization is only possible when the seeker holds so deeply to his sense of existence that the very nature of the ‘I’ dissolves—and what remains then is the unchanging, wordless, experienceless supreme existence.

From this state arises a philosophy—”the ‘I’ was not, the world was not—all is Maya”—born not from logic, but from consciousness’s own radiance. One established beyond the fourth state, like the guru, dwells in this condition—his language, his actions, his use of the ‘I’—all are merely for the realization of others, not for himself.

The supreme realization is this—the ‘I’ and the world never existed at all. This realization comes only when the seeker, having abided in the sense ‘I am’, transcends even that. Then he enters the state of Brahman, where there is no experience, no separate entity—there is only undifferentiated, infinite, immutable Self. The guru’s station is there—he merely uses the ‘I’ upon the stage of Maya; he himself is no longer there.

155.

To abide in the nameless, formless ‘I’ is liberation. This sense ‘I am’—which has no name, no form—to be established in this very sense is liberation itself. When you gradually return to that primordial state—where the ‘I’ was pure, where there was no word, no identity—then you become formless, nameless—a silent, conscious being.

This primordial sense ‘I am’ is common to all; it is not anyone’s personal possession—it has no caste, no religion, no language, no identity. In your own life this state existed—at the very beginning, in those fleeting moments of childhood, when you could only feel—”I am,” yet knew nothing—neither language, nor intellect, nor world.

Now apply your inner knowledge—remember that state, and endeavor to return to it and live within it. The first experience after birth—’I am’—this is consciousness’s first light. But that understanding was then pure, wordless, without identity. The subsequent life, education, society, memory—all these construct the false identity “I am so-and-so.”

The guru’s teaching is this—cast away all these projections, return to that most pristine state of the ‘I’, where you are merely consciousness, not name or form. To be established in this state is liberation—it is not some future fruit, it is possible this very moment—if you can abandon name and form, past and future, and remain established purely in the sense ‘I’.

To be established in that sense of ‘I’ which lies beyond name and form—in that pure existence itself—this is true liberation.

This awareness existed at your birth—you were then merely consciousness, nothing else. This pure existence is the common foundation of all beings—it is not personal, but universal. Remember this state, feel it, and live in this nameless, formless ‘I’. Then all bonds will shatter—and you will remain as mere being, immutable, non-dual, unborn, free.