Mother, to come into your inner sanctum, to sit in this place of self-knowledge, to behold you as my own soul, to perceive you as the foundation of all worlds, the world-soul, the cosmic form itself—and then to turn away from your vision, to wander outside these walls, to hear countless tales about you, to spin endless speculations and fancies—what a distance lies between these two! This beholding of you as my own self, as the world-soul, has utterly severed all doubt. In you and in me, all difference has dissolved. All sorrow has fled, and the spring of joy has opened.
Whenever I leave this inner chamber, turn my back upon you, and venture into the life of the world, how strange it all appears then—what strange shapes my feelings toward you assume—I have told you this countless times. This conflict between these two states must be resolved. Without it, neither my worship nor my service to you can continue.
When I sit before you, I see that all is you—nothing exists but you. "You and I, with nothing between." All light is the radiance of your eyes, all sound is your voice, all touch is your touch alone, all fragrance is the scent of your being, all taste is your own savoring, all thought is your inspiration, all action is your endless activity. Seeing this, the heart cannot remain parched—it rises of itself, flooded with love.
If you would keep me always in this state, then sorrow would never touch me, nor complaint, nor conflict. Without struggle, with a serene heart, I would fulfill your every command. But you do not grant me to remain in this state for long. My eyes turn away from you, and the world appears to me as it does to the faithless and impious—bereft of you, empty of meaning. The vision I had when sitting with you—only a dim, fleeting memory of it returns at intervals. My stream of love runs dry. My work becomes dull, laborious, even painful. In this oscillation, this rising and falling, life has slipped away.
That word of your immutable abode you spoke to me in my youth—that Brahmic state, that cosmic dwelling, that yoga-filled life—of which I have spoken so many times in my years—I have not yet attained it. I have not attained it, yet I do not feel I never shall. Even in the twilight of my life, it seems the time to reach that immutable place has not yet passed. It seems I shall attain it while still living, and shall show both my own heart and the world that dharma is truth, that dharma is the source of joy and strength, the unshakable foundation of all endeavors for good.
Let a new effort begin today. Let me perceive anew your eternally active grace, and taking that grace as my staff, let me dedicate myself to eternal union with you through yoga. You call me to sit with you always. You have repeatedly forbidden me to leave you and labor without devotion in the world's labor. Even after countless failures, you urge me toward success. You assure me that all these fruitless efforts have brought success very near.
Then Mother, grant me light. Let your grace carry me on its current and deliver me to you—your mercy will not falter, it will find its purpose, life will be blessed. Grant me this faith.