In Search of That Woman

I have always searched for someone who would have the eyes of a doe and alongside that gift, the rare ability to understand exactly whose gaze those eyes should meet.

I wanted such a woman that even after countless kisses on her lips through the night, I would still desire to kiss her forehead before leaving for the office in the morning.

I wished for her to manage everything with ten hands in ten directions; but more than that, I wished that if she couldn't manage, she wouldn't pretend to cope. Let her be exactly as she is—even if it means chaos! Whatever is chaotic can be organized; but how does one organize what is merely performance!

I wanted her—that person who wouldn't ask "Should I step out with my hair full of sticky oil? Or should I shampoo before going out?" but would decide for herself..."Come on, let's go."

I have always yearned in my heart for someone with whom I could discuss politics, and also start arguments over the recent updates in my beloved volleyball.

I wanted such a person in life who would sometimes take care of me on her own. That only men should nurture, that only a man's shoulder should be the refuge...I no longer believe in these stale theories.

I wanted to find such a shoulder where I could rest my head and see her kohl-darkened eyes and face even more clearly. I have waited for that person—when adjusting the pleats of her sari, I wouldn't think even for a moment..."Is this also my job!?" I have always dreamed of that brave woman who lives sexuality with ease, for whom lips are not the only destination for kisses.

I have desired lifelong someone whose no means no, and whose yes truly, truly means yes.

I am waiting for someone whose various responsibilities I won't always have to shoulder, who will sometimes step forward comfortably to take on some of my responsibilities too.

I have searched for someone about whom, instead of "What would she understand about this problem!" the thought "Only she can solve this!" would come to mind.

I wanted someone to hold my hand who would not be my adversary but would be entirely her own person. She would be such a general that without her my entire kingdom would become paralyzed, because I myself—the king himself—would become paralyzed! Yes, I have always wanted that queen whose presence beside me would make me want to think of myself as her king.

Without calculating who contributes how much to the household, looking at whom I could say without hesitation...our home, both of ours! Someone I would want to respect from my heart, before whom I wouldn't have to perform the act of showing respect—I have wanted such a person desperately!

I wanted someone who would know how to carry both Western clothes and saris equally well; let there be no outfit that could hide her personality. Rather than being forced to live with a conservative or judgmental woman, let me die—this is what I have wished for in my most sincere prayers.

I wanted that person who, instead of lamenting about me in friends' gatherings, could make me correct my own mistakes myself. I wanted her to know how to set everything right between ourselves without involving third parties.

I have searched for someone who has the mental capacity to work even harder than a hardworking person like me, for whom weakness itself is sin.

I searched for her—the one I could give the place of my most beloved, trusted friend, to whom I could open my heart and say everything; not someone with whom I'd have to live by constantly displaying my ledger of virtues, but someone who could gracefully accept all my sins too. I never wanted to live with any woman from whom I couldn't earn the right to make mistakes.

I have spent my entire life in pursuit of that woman who cannot be exhausted on the wedding night itself, but must be discovered anew each day, with fresh wonder. If I find such a person in this life, I am ready to give all my gains as her due without thinking twice for even a moment!